Second Time Around....
You're on your way to see that person. The one you let go because it would never work between you. All the way there, you're asking yourself, "Why? Why am I going to see this person?" Let me tell you old habits are hard to break. You don't know if you miss the sex, the person or if you're just bored. Deep down inside the reason is there, but you don't want to embrace it. Either it's purely sexual, or there are some deep feelings there between you.
Now, how do you know the difference? Well, unfortunately, if you're only meeting for sex, then it's probably just sex. Meaningful, caring sex? No, just sex. It gets too confusing if you try to stamp the "L" word on it. You know that word, with the "o-v-e" at the end. My goodness. It only works, if you only consider it sex. Hmmmm, just when are you going to get tired again of this empty physical encounter? It feels like more than just sex. But without any commitment, without any anything, no matter what you want to say about it, it's just sex. Anything else, will render the same disappointment from the previous round of just sex interludes. Okay, now that your brain and body are on the same page, is it really worth it?
Chances are, probably not. You realize you're not in control at all. How could you let this happen again? Then you notice the subtle improvements between you. More compromise, more sweet, softer kisses. Overall, more tenderness. Everything seems better. You feel a little more excited about this sex thing, possibly becoming a little more, but the walls of hesitancy are waving the warning flag.
You feel like a TV show that had high ratings before cancelation, and then higher ratings in the re-runs of the show. How is it possible? You've done it. You've gotten yourself into a puzzle that can only be solved over time. Will the truth hammer break down the walls of safety and security, or give you more reason to build it up?