Six Needs Of A Happy Dieter - Part Two
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Firstly if you didn't read part one of this article then have a quick read through at
Part One
Ok the third thing that people need to be happy is significance. Significance comes from the self so you feel that you are significant/special/important/valued/needed. It means that you know you are a good person who is good at the things you do.
This is where the 'self' sits in terms of self-esteem.
It means you are happy being you, you like yourself and you love yourself and you are more than happy to be with yourself as you realise you are actually a fantastic person inside.
Now people go for significance in different ways and the outcomes can either be positive or negative.
Some people will get significance by achieving success and having lots of money and a big house, some people will try and get significance by putting other people down to make themselves look good. Some people get significance by having children and taking pride in their success.
But ultimately, however you get significance in your life, does it work for you?
I know a volunteer who literally works 100 hour weeks to help everyone else in the area and has no time for themselves. They cannot do enough to help everyone else but I would argue that they are so eager to help that they crave being told they are great because they don't truly believe it themselves.
When I got slim and everyone was saying how great I was looking the reality is I didn't believe them. I looked in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw, I was looking at my big ears and my loose skin and beating myself up.
I would ask Jo all the time to confirm if I was still slim and would crave other people telling me that I was looking good as I didn't believe it myself as I didn't like myself.
The problem is with that, and believe me it is very very common, is that if you don't really like and love yourself then it doesn't matter if you ask everyone in the world you still aren't going to believe them.
So turning this to you...do you like yourself? do you love yourself? do you have the right mix of significance in your life?
The reality is the true you inside knows you are great but all the baggage and 'crap' in life can sometimes make you think that you aren't the huge success that you really are and can be.
Next time you ask someone to confirm that you look good, look in the mirror instead and confirm to yourself that you do as ultimately, it is the feeling you have about yourself that is the key.
Number 4 in the list is the group connection. This means that you have group connections that add to your own significance which build it but doesn't bolster it.
What I mean by this is that you are happy being you, happy doing what you want to do and would be great being by yourself BUT you also love being part of a group whether that be the family unit, at work, a hobby or interest group or even part of Facebook!
Now the mix between 3 and 4 is as key as the certainty/uncertainty mix from last week.
The perfect mix is when you adore and love having people but you do it because you WANT it and not because you NEED it.
A few years ago I could not be by myself as when I was, I just used to beat myself up for being so overweight and useless. I therefore craved being in groups so that everyone could say I was a nice guy as left to my own devices, I would secret eat to try and numb my thoughts.
So turning this to you...do you have the group connections you need? Do you have an interest or a passion that you would like to connect to others with? Do you spend enough time with your friends and family to give you the group connection you need?
Bowling is a good example here. I bowl in the league on a Thursday night. Now I go and love the atmosphere and the sarcasm when I score less than 100 from my team members. I like myself now and I know I am a nice guy but I also love being part of that group but I go because I want to, not because I need them to tell me how good or bad I am.
What I would welcome you to do now is have a think about everything above. The main thing though is whether you like yourself...go look in the mirror deep in your eyes and do you FEEL that you are a fantastic person...now I know you are! Your significant others know you are...so what is it in you that stops you knowing it yourself?
Have a fab week
Mike ;-)
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