Your Mental Health Nugget
Got Boundaries?
Boundaries emerge out of our need to protect our physical space, our feelings, our thoughts and even our religious/spiritual beliefs. They are strengthened when we learn how to listen to and trust ourselves and to value ourselves as separate individuals. Boundaries aren't meant to be a means to building walls around ourselves. They are there to provide enough security and sense of self so that we can get close to others without losing ourselves. Boundaries are the key to developing loving relationships. With a renewed sense of self, we are able to experience closeness and intimacy.
Below are some tips for setting boundaries:
- Boundaries are self-defined and based on our individual needs.
- When setting a boundary, remember that you have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts and emotions.
- Complaining, anger and whining are indicators that a boundary needs to be set.
- Once a need for boundaries has been identified, express it clearly, without anger and in as few words as possible. A brief explanation may be given, but you are not required to justify or apologize for setting your boundary.
- For those of us new to boundary setting, the feelings of shame and fear are likely to occur. However, matching our actions with our boundaries is a vital part of our new behavior.
- We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another's feelings.
- There's a saying that "we teach others how to treat us." So, remember, we will, at times, be tested by others when we set a boundary. It's useless to set a boundary unless we are ready to enforce it.
- Some people are glad to respect our boundaries. Setting boundaries is an excellent way to determine whether an individual is respectful of us and is an emotionally safe (and at time, even a physically safe) person to have in our lives.
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Quotes To Ponder:
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. - Anais Nin, 1903-1977
The secret of being a bore is to tell everything. - Voltaire, 1694-1778
The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next. - Matthew Arnold, 1822-1888
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