Your Mental Health Nugget
Eight Common Myths About Divorce
1) Myth: Living together before marriage reduces the risk of eventually
divorcing.
Fact: Numerous studies have shown that couples that live together before
marriage have a higher chance of later divorcing. There's evidence that
cohabitating generates an attitude in individuals that relationships are
temporary and are easily ended.
2) Myth: People learn from their bad experiences, therefore, second marriages
tend to be more successful.
Fact: The divorce rate of remarriages is actually higher than that of first
marriages.
3) Myth: Divorce may cause problems for many children but children tend to
recover relatively quickly.
Fact: Studies have found that divorce increases the risk of interpersonal
problems in children that can be long-standing. In fact, these problems
may become worse in adulthood.
4) Myth: Having a child will help a couple improve their marital satisfaction
and prevent divorce.
Fact: Many studies have shown that the most stressful time in a marriage is
after the first child is born. Therefore, for couples already having marital
problems, having a child may actually increase the likelihood of divorce.
5) Myth: When parents don't get along, children are better off if their parents
divorce than if they stay together.
Fact: A recent large-scale study found that, while parents' unhappiness and
discord have a negative effect on children, divorce impacts almost every
dimension of a child's well-being. Except in the minority of high-conflict
marriages, research findings have found that it is better if parents stay
together and work out their problems rather than divorce.
6) Myth: Because children of divorce have a strong determination not to repeat
their parents' experience, they tend to have as much success in their
marriages as those raised in intact homes.
Fact: Marriages of children of divorce actually have a higher rate of divorce
than the marriages of children from intact families. It is believed that the
major reason for this is that children of divorce learn lessons about
commitment and permanence by observing their parents. In these families,
the sense of commitment to life-long marriage has been damaged.
7) Myth: Men are usually the ones to initiate divorce proceedings.
Fact: Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. The higher rate is
likely due to the fact that men are more likely than women to have problems
with alcohol, drug abuse or infidelity.
8) Myth: Being unhappy in a marriage is a good sign that the marriage will
eventually end in divorce.
Fact: All marriages have up and down periods. Recent research found that
86% of people who were unhappily married in the late 1980s, and stayed in
their marriage, indicated when interviewed five years later that they were
happier.
Source: Rutgers University publication, 2009.
