The Art of Being NonJudgmental

Your Mental Health Nugget

The Art of Being Nonjudgmental

It is often difficult to refrain from being judgmental of others when their behaviors and characteristics are so different from our own. At these times it is good to remember that each one of us is unique. Each of us has our own abilities that we were born with, distinct behaviors, and personal interests as well as flaws.

Our behaviors and characteristics are influenced by our own particular unique abilities, background and experiences, and our culture. While we may be impatient and become irritated or angry with those we encounter socially, those with whom we work, or other adults that we live with or are joined with through family relationships, it is much better if we can learn to relax and let go. Allow yourself to be accepting of them just the way they are, and know that they are on their own path. You are not responsible for their behaviors or their characteristics.

For instance, one of the most frustrating things that spouses or partners can do to each other is to try to change one or the other and shape them into a mold that would be more pleasing to them. This sort of attempted behavior management never works, and will only cause greater frustration, irritation, and anger for you and for them.

It is a very cumbersome burden and an impossible task to attempt to change someone else. Any person can make changes and adjustments in their behaviors; however, the choice is theirs.

Even though we each tend to think that our own characteristics and behaviors are those that other people should measure up to, if the truth were known and other minds could be read, we would probably discover that other people in our lives may be just as irritated and annoyed with certain of our characteristics and behaviors as we are with theirs.

We expect others to accept us just the way we are, even though we may or may not be aware that certain of our behaviors and characteristics annoy other people around us from time to time. We recognize and accept our own uniqueness and will find life to be much easier if we accept the uniqueness and differences of others as well.

Holding onto judgmental feelings that cause us to become irritated or angry at others is unhealthy physically and mentally. It only alienates us from others and the possibility of coming to an understanding of one another. Individuality is good. The differences that exist in humans is displayed in the seeds of creativity and changes that make the world interesting.

Instead of reacting with judgment and anger, it is better, whenever possible, to attempt to communicate and get to know from a deeper level the source and reasoning behind someone else's behaviors. This communication, however, must be done without judgment, since behaving or speaking from a judgmental viewpoint will defeat the purpose.

So relax, develop a sense of humor about the differences, learn to appreciate the positive aspects, and above all, know that you are not responsible for others' behaviors. Remember the old saying, "I'm O.K., You're O.K."