Healthy Reflections Newsletter
                www.mentalhealthcorner.com
                       Linda Young, Ph.D., LMFT
                             Publisher
                                 (850) 656-1404 
             email: info@mentalhealthcorner.com
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               Your Mental Health Nugget
                              October 22, 2008        
 
 Caregiving and Over-Responsibility:
 
Providing for the health, safety or social needs of another person can bring a deep sense of satisfaction to a caregiver.  Many give tirelessly of themselves to benefit those who are sick, elderly, or who are in some way vulnerable.  Communities owe a debt of thanks to those who continue in this tradition of care-giving.
 
However, sometimes caregivers can give too much of themselves, to the detriment of their own physical or mental health.  Over-responsible involvement can leave an individual feeling drained and even resentful This pattern can operate in many areas, including work, family and personal relationships. 
 
One way to measure whether over-responsibility is an issue is to evaluate if we are doing for other people what they can and need to do for themselves.  Often referred to as enabling, the individual we are helping sometimes develops a pattern of under-responsibility.  A vicious cycle then can emerge.  All relationships seek homeostatis or balance.  When one of the individuals becomes irresponsible, the more responsible the other may feel he or she must become to balance out the relationship.
 
 Characteristics of over-responsibility include subordinating one's own needs to those of the person with whom one is involved, feeling guilty for setting appropriate boundaries with another person, feeling a sense of emotional discomfort, resentment or even suffering associated with attending to the needs of others, lack of self-care that can lead to physical or emotional exhaustion, and decreased self-esteem, respect and responsibility for oneself.
 
What are the origins of over-responsibility?  Frequently, the pattern begins in families that are struggling with problems such as mental or physical illness, substance abuse, or abandonment by a parent.  It can also develop in children who have been abused.  Children may learn early that by becoming over-responsible they can exert some sense of control over their surroundings and as a way to deal with their overwhelming emotions. 
 
Changing over-responsible behavior needs to be a steady, supported process.  Steps in this process include 1) awareness of the pattern, 2) detachment with caring, 3)  boundary setting and 4)  exploring the origins of over-responsibility.  For some individuals, this process may require the assistance of a mental health professional. 
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Today's Sponsor:
 Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul fame), Deepak Chopra, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Dr. Phil, Robert Kiyosaki, Louise Hay, John Gray, Ph.D. (Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus) share their insight for improving self-esteem and reaching your goals in the e-book Top 101 Experts Help Us Improve Our Lives by David Riklan.  I invite you to learn more about this excellent resource at:    
 
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