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Freedom From Codependency
Codependency. It's a tough concept to define. However, Co-Dependents Anonymous states, "codependents tend to be overly concerned with another person's problem and ignore their own wants and needs while taking extraordinary care of the other." The National Council on Codependence, Inc., explains that codependence "refers to how some past events starting in our childhood 'unknowingly' affect some of our attitudes, behaviors, and feelings in the present, often with destructive consequences."
No matter how you define it, one thing is certain: codependence is a serious problem affecting millions of Americans. Without help, those suffering from codependence experience lives of sadness, anger, fear, and loneliness. With help, though, people can move beyond their destructive patterns into a healthier lifestyle.
Who is at risk?
Children raised in alcoholic families or other severely dysfunctional environments are most at-risk for developing codependency issues later in life. These children witness unhealthy family roles and learn to make their way in the family system without making too much noise or calling too much attention to themselves. Their sole mission becomes easing the burden for the alcoholic and for other members of the family affected by the alcoholic's actions. These children do not learn to focus on themselves-they do not consider who they are, what they feel, or what they want.
Girls, more so than boys, are often encouraged to adopt such "caretaker" roles as children. Thus, as adults, women are particularly susceptible to codependency.
How do I know if I am codependent?
Below are some patterns of codependency, as described on the Web site of Co-Dependents Anonymous:
Denial Patterns:
- I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
- I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
- I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.
Low Self Esteem Patterns:
- I have difficulty making decisions.
- I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
- I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
- I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
- I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.
- I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
Compliance Patterns:
- I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
- I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
- I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
- I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
- I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
- I accept sex when I want love.
Control Patterns:
- I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
- I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
- I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
- I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
- I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
- I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
- I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
Where to Go for Help
Asking for help can feel like the most unnatural thing in the world for a codependent individual. However, it is critical to take that step. If you identified with some of the statements above, talk to a mental health professional or contact Co-Dependents Anonymous at (602) 277-7991 or online at http://www.codependents.org/.
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Stress Tip:
by G. Gaynor McTigue
Get it right the first time.
So much of what is done today is done poorly. In a rush, haphazardly. Fraught with error, oversights, delays, sloppiness. All in the name of "I'm just so busy." This leaves you with feelings of uneasiness that can build into bouts of anxiety, unworthiness and even depression. It invites the frequent disapproval of others. And often has you going back to amend, correct, do things over, ever apologizing for your performance, or lack of it. That's why it's so essential to do things right, right from the start. Accurately and assuredly. With no careless inefficiencies, no time-consuming re-dos, no recriminations, no
squandering of nonproductive stress energy. Take the time. You'll not only do more, you'll enjoy it more. And earn the esteem of others and yourself. Why make yourself crazy? Root out stress in virtually every area of your life. Get 300 stress eliminating strategies right now in the acclaimed eBook edition of "Why Make Yourself Crazy". To learn more, click on: http://tinyurl.com/2nvfgb.
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Mental Health Dictionary:
Anorexia Nervosa
Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by unusual eating habits, such as avoiding food and meals, picking out a few foods and eating them in small amounts, weighing food, and counting the calories of all foods. Individuals with anorexia nervosa may also exercise excessively.
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