The Bully In The School Yard :
The bully in the school yard has been a constant for a long time. So long, that many of us have considered bullying almost a rite of passage of childhood. However, we now know that bullying can leave serious emotional scars for the victims if continued long enough and is severe enough. Bullying is defined as an attempt by a person or group to harm someone who is weaker or more vulnerable. Bullying can involve a wide range of activities such as:
· Hitting
· Pushing
· Threatening or intimidating
· Maliciously teasing
· Name-calling
· Stealing or damaging personal property
· Making inappropriate sexual comments to or about an individual
· Spreading rumors about another
· Encouraging others to reject or exclude someone from a group
· The internet has become a recent tool of the bully. She or he can harass the victim by posting intimidating or humiliating information about a peer on a website or send threatening e-mails.
Obviously, the bully doesn't always have to use physical aggression to hurt his or her victim. In fact, verbal harassment is used twice as often as physical aggression in bullying. The National Association of School Psychologists in its 2006's Helping Children at Home And School publication emphasizes how easy it is for adults to minimize the impact of name calling and other verbal teasing on children. Bullying occurs across racial, ethnic and socio-economic levels. Boys are twice as likely to be bullies as girls as well as almost twice as likely to be victims of bullies. Both boys and girls can find creative ways to be cruel to one another. However, boys tend to use more physical aggression while girls are more likely to spread rumors or use more subtle and indirect forms of aggression.
Common Traits of the Bully:
· Typically a bully is physically aggressive, impulsive and easily angered.
· Bullies have a strong need to dominate others and have little concern for
their victims' feelings.
· Male bullies tend to be physically bigger and stronger than their peers and have a pro-violence attitude.
· They are more likely to get into trouble either at school or with law enforcement and are more likely to engage in fighting, drinking and smoking than their peers.
· Teens who come from homes where there is little emotional support and have little parental involvement in their everyday lives are more prone to bullying.
· Teens whose parents fail to monitor their activities on a regular basis are more likely to become bullies.
· Research has found that parental discipline styles also play a role in teen bullying. Either an extremely permissive approach where no limits are set for the child or an extremely harsh, rigid style has the potential to increase the risk of bullying.
· Bullies are more likely to also engage in anti-social activities such as vandalism, shoplifting, truancy or drug abuse.
· Research has shown that bullies are more likely to be convicted of crimes as adults.
· Bullies are frequently children or teens who have been physically abused or bullied themselves.
· Sometimes, they are experiencing a difficult life situation (such as a divorce or death in the family). Their poor coping skills frequently leaves them feeling helpless and out of control. Having control over someone else gives some temporary relief from their own feelings of powerlessness.
Characteristics of Children and Teens Who Tend To
Become Victims:
These children or teens are more like to:
· have low self-esteem
· have feelings of insecurity and a lack of social skills
· are approval seeking
· become easily emotionally distraught
· are unable to defend or stand up for themselves.
This in no way, however, justifies a child being victimized by a bully. Children who are not bullied tend to be more assertive and are able to suggest compromises when conflicts arise. Because of a higher self-esteem level, they are able to function better within their peer group.
Adverse Effects of Long-Term Bullying:
Bullying that continues for any length of time can have adverse effects on the victims' self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. Due to their fear and anxiety, the children or teens are likely to become socially isolated, leading to depression.
· Frequently, they are afraid of talking about their situation and suffer in silence.
· Often, they blame themselves for the bullying.
· They may have difficulty concentrating or focusing in school and may even avoid attending school.
· In extreme cases, bullying can have devastating consequences. The victim may begin to carry a weapon to school for protection or carry out a violent revenge attack on their bully. A tragic example of this is the 1999 attack at Columbine High School.
· Some victims have actually committed suicide out of desperation.
Children or Teens Witnessing Bullying
The victim isn't the only one victimized by the bully. Children or teens witnessing bullying episodes are psychologically affected as well. They may feel guilty or helpless for not standing up to the bully or for not reporting the incident. Rarely do student bystanders intervene or report bullying activity. Teens or children may deal with these feelings by blaming the victim or avoiding the victim. They may fear losing status among the group if they object to the bullying or fear being targeted for bullying themselves.
What Can a Parent Do If He or She Believes Their Child is Being Bullied?
First, get as much information about the situation as possible. It's important not to over-react or blame your child or the child who is bullying. Get as much information about the situation as possible. Ask questions about your child's or teen's behavior and style of interacting with the bully. Often a child or teen will not disclose bullying because of embarrassment or shame or the belief that disclosing the bullying will make the situation worse. It is important to assure your child that the situation can be handled without it worsening. The first step may be teaching your child or teen alternative ways in dealing with the bully. These approaches might include not reacting, walking away, getting help if pursued or being more assertive. If the first approach doesn't work, then it is time to contact your school's guidance counselor or school psychologist for assistance. Most school districts now have a Zero Tolerance policy for bullying and have specific guidelines for handling bullying situations in the school setting. Many school districts across the country are now implementing school-wide bullying prevention programs that promote a positive school and community environment to address the issue.
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