 Healthy Reflections Newsletter
Linda Young,Ph.D.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Publisher
September 27, 2007 |
| Greetings!
This past weekend marked the first official day of fall. For those of us in Florida, we've seen little change in the temperature so far. However, there does seem to be a little less intensity to the sun's rays. (Wishful thinking on my part, maybe!) I'm certainly not so happy about the days getting shorter.
Today's edition deals with an issue that, for many of us, is a difficult task --- that of forgiveness. The article discusses what forgiveness is-- and what it is not. In the article, there are some suggested steps we can take to reclaim our emotional balance and peace of mind after an injury by another.
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7 Steps to Reclaiming Your Life Through Forgiveness
The alarm goes off, signaling another day has begun. With your sore, aching body, you strap on your sack of anger and resentment, and trudge laboriously into your day. You're weak, exhausted, and burdened with pain before the day even starts.
This is what it feels like to carry around anger, resentment, and emotional pain day after day. You have no energy left for things that might bring you joy or happiness. In fact, if asked, you may not even remember the last time you had a truly great day. All you keep seeing in your mind's eye is replay after replay of the person you're angry at, the person who wronged you.
This may be a difficult thing to hear but the only person being hurt carrying this emotional baggage around is you. According to a study performed at the Harvard School of Public Health, those scoring highest on an anger scale were three times more likely to develop heart disease over several years than those scoring lowest.
And here's another other thing you might not want to hear - each day you hold on to that emotional pain and resentment, you give the person who wronged you control over your life. Each and every day drains away more and more of your own personal power.
There is a way out of this soul-depleting cycle -- it's forgiveness. You probably don't want to hear that word either. But that one word carries the most incredible power of healing and growth.
If you're like many people in a state of emotional suffering, you may confuse forgiveness with excusing the wounding behavior, or simply forgetting about it, condoning it, or reconciling with the hurtful person.
Forgiveness doesn't mean any of those things.
Forgiveness is having the courage to let go of the negative emotions you have about the person who hurt you. Researchers on forgiveness believe you are in control of your behavior and have the ability to make a personal choice to forgive or not. Choosing to forgive is YOU having personal control over your own life -- instead of giving that control over to the person who hurt you.
This does not mean the offending person is unaccountable for their actions. The goal of forgiveness is to take you from the place of victim to the place of improved health and greater personal power.
You're probably saying to yourself, "Yes, I'd love to let go of the heavy load I'm carrying around, but forgiving is easier said than done." You're absolutely right - forgiveness is probably one of the most difficult things to practice.
Here are seven steps you can follow to help you in your process of forgiving and lead you into reclaiming your life. (You can find more steps at The Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance, a non-profit, tax-exempt educational foundation dedicated to evoking the healing power of forgiveness worldwide.)
1. In order to start the process of forgiveness, you must first acknowledge your anger, fear, resentment, and grief. Your feelings are justified and should not be minimized.
2. Recognize that to dwell on your negative feelings will do serious damage your physical and emotional health.
3. Understand that forgiveness does not condone the behavior that has brought you pain nor does it allow you to be abused.
4. Accept that you are responsible for your own feelings and it is up to you to heal your pain.
5. Make a choice to release the anger, sadness, grief, and fear you're feeling by seeking appropriate professional help.
6. Make the decision to forgive the person who harmed you.
7. Remember you are forgiving the other person in order to free yourself from unnecessary pain and suffering - not the other way around.
Practicing these steps can help you reduce anger, hurt, depression and stress and lead you on the path toward physical and emotional strength and well-being.
Remember forgiveness is for you -- for your health, overall wellness, and quality of life. It's not for the offending person.
You, and only you, can make the choice to un-strap the heavy sack filled with anger, resentment, and pain and start living your life free of the past.
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Stress Tip:
by G. Gaynor McTigue Be on time.
Lateness can signal a lack of respect for those you keep waiting. At least, that's howthey might view it. However acceptable you think lateness has become, you can bet it still grates on those whose time is compromised. Aside from that, constantly running
late is a stress factory. It'll fry your nerves, make you prone to errors and accidents, weaken your immune system, age you prematurely. Get hooked on the relaxed,
liberating feeling of being ahead of schedule. All it takes is some planning, practice and empathy for others. Everyone wins when you're on time. Why make yourself crazy? right now in the acclaimed e-Book edition of Why Make Yourself Crazy. To learn more, click on: ------------------------------------------------------------
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| Quotes To Ponder:
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's own way. --- Viktor Frankl
We cannot rise higher than our thought of ourselves. --- Orison Swett Marden
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. ---
Will Rogers
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Mental Health Dictionary:
Bipolar Disorder
Extreme mood swings from depression to mania, punctuated by periods of generally even-keeled behavior characterize this disorder. Bipolar disorder tends to run in families. This disorder typically begins in the mid-twenties and continues throughout life. Without treatment, people who have bipolar disorder often go through devastating life events such as marital breakups, job loss, substance abuse, and suicide.
--- National Institute of Mental Health
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Easy Ways To Make Children Smarter
Scientific research shows that intelligence is both genetic and environmental. Intelligence is also not fixed but can be increased because the brain develops new neurons and interconnections with stimulation. A supportive environment fosters numerous aspects of intelligence. In our continuing series, this edition explores the relationship between love, self-esteem and academic performance.
Love and Self-Esteem Improve Academic Performance
In a long series of experiments, Prescott Lecky, an American educational researcher, found a high correlation between low self-esteem and learning problems in children. He correctly theorized that by raising a child's self-esteem, learning performance would also improve.
His success stories include a poor speller who averaged 55% in spelling improved to 91% in six months, a Latin student who went from 30% to 84% after three encouraging conversations with a teacher, and a student considered to have no aptitude for English who improved over a semester to win the school's literary prize.
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