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Healthy Reflections Newsletter
Linda Young, Ph.D.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Publisher
December 6, 2007
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The Christmas and Hannukah season is finally upon us. Many of us are already swept up in the party planning and attendance, shopping, gift wrapping and travel planning. It's easy to become overwhelmed and exhausted during this time of the year. To start off this edition of the newsletter, I've included a short essay received from one of my subscribers, giving his views on our cultural Christmas season. Knowing Jim as I do, it's a bit "tongue in cheek" and not meant to be the "Grinch who stole Christmas" at all. But definitely some points to ponder!
Also, this edition includes some tips on how to reduce your holiday stress. Hope you find these points helpful. Remember, your comments and feedback are always welcomed and, whenever appropriate, will be included in this newsletter with your permission.
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Christmas Chaos
by Jim Oesterritter
For me and a lot of people my age Christmas brings out the best and worst in all of us. Let me explain. I have enjoyed and suffered the Christmas Holidays just as most of my friends but for the most part it was self induced. What I mean by that is there are times where we tend to over commit ourselves within this holiday period. It usually starts with the Christmas card list and ends with the bills that come in January. Anywhere in between those times there are decisions to make as to who gets what and when. In addition, some families always try to travel to someone's home during the holidays at the worst travel time of the year. It's that last window of opportunity where you have a few days off and try to squeeze as much "family time" in as you can. These visits are often deemed mandatory when in fact they really aren't. In reality they are a major contributor to stress you are trying to avoid. You have to manage strict time lines, coordinate your travel to suit your family as well as the one's your visiting. How do you know, I mean really know the folks you are visiting want to be visited? Oh sure, they said," We would love to have your family for the holidays" when in fact they are dreading the intrusion as much as you are dreading the trip. It's so difficult to be brutally honest this time of year.
Let's not forget the presents because this is one of the largest stress factors I know of anyway. Put aside the expense of any of the gifts you buy, this is only the beginning.
The real stress comes in where you always hear, "I have no idea what to get him or her"?
Or another favorite, "What if they get me something and I don't have a thing for them"?
I would be negligent if I didn't mention the holiday decorations that must come down from the attic and patiently displayed on your home and returned back to their summer home. In the meantime you try your best to keep your composure as lights fail to work, tangled mess of extension cords and risk of life and limb climbing ladders to string lights just as your neighbor.
Now try to combine all the elements mentioned above and also include some people you must visit but really have no desire to do so. You simply can not bring yourself to see these folks with that Christmas smile that has been rehearsed but is really pretended.
In order to limit your stress ask yourself these questions:
1. Is this trip really necessary at this time of year, or could it wait until another more favorable time?
2. Does my family or the family we are going to visit really want to do this or do we feel obligated?
3. Can't we all agree to please limit the Christmas card list as well as the gift list where no one will be offended?
4. Is it mandatory we try to see as many people as humanly possible during this holiday season?
5. Is a family vacation really called for during Christmas when we all know up front what toll in dollars and stress are going to wreak havoc on us?
6. Would your holiday season not be just as enjoyable without all the work and hassle of endless decorations? How about a small tree in the corner for a change?
This is why Thanksgiving is our family's favorite holiday where nothing is expected and there are no disappointments. Just good friends enjoying fine food in a relaxed atmosphere. Why can't Christmas be this way?
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10 Tips For Combating Holiday Stress
Ah... the holidays! It's a wonderful time for family togetherness, bonding with friends and loved ones and sharing activities done only once a year, such as baking cookies and decorating the yard. Yes?
Actually, the answer for many people is a resounding "no." Many people feel a great deal of stress during the holiday season.
So Why Are We So Stressed at Holiday Time?
There can be many reasons why we feel stressed at what should be the happiest times of year. Here are a few:
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First of all, there's a lot more to do around the holidays. Entertaining, shopping for gifts, attending special functions, and accommodating out of town visitors are just a few of the tasks you may be trying to add into an already busy lifestyle.
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Secondly, losses can revive intense feelings during the holidays. People who are separated or divorced may be angry or sad about the changes in--or absence of--family traditions. Someone who has lost a parent or spouse may mourn that death all over again at the holidays. Parents whose children have grown up and moved away may fiercely miss the joyous excitement a child brings to a holiday. When you're feeling this way, having to "put on a happy face" with the rest of the world can be truly tough.
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All change is stressful, even if you view it as a "good" change, such as spending more time with family and exchanging gifts. The bottom line is that you're forced to make changes in your regular routine, sometimes for a period of several weeks, and that can be stressful.
These are just a few of the things that can lead to holiday stress. You will certainly think of more. So, can anything be done to prevent the holidays from becoming a time for anxiety, frustration, and "the blues" for you and your loved ones?
The answer to that question is yes, definitely. Let's take a look...
10 Quick Holiday Stress-Busting Tips
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Make time for exercise. Exercise is a great stress-buster. Studies have shown that vigorous exercise--even walking or dancing--produces endorphins in your body. Endorphins are proteins that stimulate pleasurable feelings. So, if you're already in the habit of exercising daily, keep it up! If you're not, then try to make time--even if just 15 to 30 minutes a day--to be active.
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Get plenty of rest. Stress is hard on your body, as well as your mind. Replenish your energy resources by getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night, minimum. You'll be able to face tomorrow easier if you get enough rest tonight.
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Learn to take mini-breaks periodically during the day. When the feelings of stress start to mount--or you see them coming--STOP! Stop whatever you're doing (even if just for a minute or two), close your eyes, and take 3 deep breaths. Breathe in to a slow count of 5 and then out to a slow count of 5. Repeat as needed. Open your eyes, and try to smile. When we smile, it often makes us feel lighter, at least for a few moments.
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Make time at the end and beginning of each day to review your goals and make a "to-do" list. Try to pull together short lists of the 6 to 10 most important things you need to get accomplished that day. Knowing precisely what needs to be done and then being able to check each task off as accomplished can go a long way towards helping you feel in control. And that can prevent stress too.
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Schedule "down time" into each day. This is time just for you. It doesn't have to be a lot of time. Even a half hour of time when you don't have to answer to anyone else can be invaluable. Use this time to do whatever helps you relax most. Some people like to listen to music. Others enjoy reading. Social animals may enjoy chatting with friends or family on the telephone or over the Internet. You might find that writing in your journal or diary helps relieve stress. Whatever works for you, just make sure you do it each day!
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Build cushion time into your day. Very few of us have totally predictable schedules every day. During the holidays, this can get even worse... traffic tie ups, unexpected demands at work and home, visitors you didn't anticipate, etc. "Plan" for these unplanned events by not scheduling every minute of your day. This will allow you to be more flexible when these events pop up.
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Learn to get comfortable with saying "no." Not one of us can keep functioning if we say "yes" to every request or demand made upon us. If you don't "say no" once in a while, then you're going to find yourself over-committed and over-stressed.
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Ask a friend or family member for a hug. This stress buster may sound kind of silly, but the truth is, we all benefit from simple human touch. And hugs have been proven to have beneficial effects. So, don't be afraid to ask for yours!
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Learn to accept that a certain amount of stress IS a part of everyday life. No, stress need not be overwhelming on a consistent basis. But, if you want everything in your life to go smoothly all the time, then you're setting unrealistic expectations. And that can only lead to disappointment and let down. So, anticipate some stress and just roll with the punches best you can.
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Don't add financial woes to your list of stressors, if you can help it. Holidays are often connected with gifts, but that doesn't mean the gifts have to be expensive purchases. Homemade gifts are often much more highly valued for the caring and effort that goes into them. Or, consider giving away a service, such as a promise of a massage or babysitting. Get creative... you can surely find many ways of giving that don't involve cleaning out your wallet or pocketbook. | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | |
