 Healthy Reflections Newsletter
Linda Young, Ph.D.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Publisher
February 26, 2008 |
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Here in Florida, it's warm weather one day, rain the next, cold then warm. Welcome to late winter. It's not quite spring, but we sure are being teased these days! Impending spring often brings ideas of growth and change. In today's newsletter, I've included some thoughts on ways to challenge ourselves in the article "Whose Life Is It Anyway?"
As always, I invite you to give me feedback on articles or topics you'd like to see in Healthy Reflections newsletter. Your comments or questions are always welcomed. You can reach me at: feedback@mentalhealthcorner.com. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
The Negative Power of "Should"
I was thinking recently of how often I hear the word "should" from my clients. "I should have spent more time with my child", "I should be further along in my career by now", "I should be able to tackle that major project and still have time left over for my family." I once heard a colleague say that "to should is to shame." The word "should" frequently places unrealistic expectations upon us as it erodes our self-esteem. With "should" we look at events from a framework of regret or blame. However, we can re-frame a situation and establish goals for what we'd like to accomplish without berating ourselves. Replacing the word "should" with pro-active words such as "I plan to", "I'd like to" or "I need to" takes us out of a victim or immobilized state. Words have great influence on the subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind takes in what we say, whether fact or fiction. That's why it's vital that we give ourselves positive, nurturing messages. Remember, don't "should" yourself into a negative mood!
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Quotes To Ponder:
No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change. - Barbara De Angelis, American Author and Expert on Relationships and Personal Growth
It is a miserable state of mind to have few things to desire, and many things to fear. - Francis Bacon, 1561-1626, British Philosopher/Essayist/Statesman
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. - George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish Playwright and Nobel Prize Winner
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Mental Health Dictionary
Crisis residential treatment services
Short-term, round-the-clock help provided in a nonhospital setting during a crisis. For example, when a child becomes aggressive and uncontrollable, despite in-home supports, a parent can temporarily place the child in a crisis residential treatment service. The purposes of this care are to avoid inpatient hospitalization, help stabilize the child, and determine the next appropriate step.
--- National Institutes of Mental Health | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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Whose Life Is It Anyway?
Many of us have this idea that life just bobs along, that it just happens to us, instead of looking at it from another direction, like working toward some specific goal or dream.
We say "I'd love to... write, travel, paint, ride horses, learn yoga, but I just don't have the... time, money, energy..."
Maybe some of these "valid excuses" are just ways to hide from risks. In Simple Abundance, Sarah Breathnach writes, "many of us have unconsciously erected seemingly insurmountable barriers to protect ourselves from failing or succeeding. We may think we're protecting ourselves by ignoring or denying our creative impulse, but what we are really doing is burying our authentic selves alive."
Doing our own thing is risky. We don't want to risk failure - or worse looking silly. But, look around. The happiest people are those doing their passion despite difficulties or fears.
What kind of barrier or excuses do you use to keep yourself from the life you really want to live? From what fears are you trying to save yourself?
So many people have worked to make their dream come true. They may have had to do a drastic thing like sell their house and live in a trailer so they could travel the world. Some may have had to cut some of their spending in order to quit their hated job and start their own business.
Maybe you will have to take the risk of saying no to someone in order to take time for a drawing class. Or you may have to toot your own horn and talk to someone you don't know to sell your idea. You may have to get out of your comfort zone by doing without some luxuries for the moment.
Read up on people that are doing what you long to do. Let them help you find solutions to your barriers. Brainstorm ways to work around these barriers. Research online. Talk to people who have done what you want to do.
Look behind the barriers and journal what fears may be behind the excuses.
Take one risk each day this week to forward your dream.
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| In her eBook, Your Insomnia Cure, neurologist Dr. Samantha Hement provides a wealth of natural insomnia cures that contain cutting edge insomnia-breaking techniques. To learn more about how to treat sleep problems, click on: http://tinyurl.com/2tqd4x.
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