Healthy Reflections Newsletter
Linda Young, Ph.D.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Publisher
April 22, 2008 |
As we all know, these days can be both economically and emotionally stressful.
Many families are having to revise their priorities and commitments to meet today's challenges. One challenge that many of us "boomers" are or will be faced with is how best to care for our parents as they age. In today's newsletter, I've included an article with some thoughts on the care of elderly parents.
As always, I invite you to give me feedback on articles or topics you'd like to see in Healthy Reflections newsletter. Your comments or questions are always welcomed. You can reach me at: feedback@mentalhealthcorner.com.
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Taking Care of Elderly Parents:
Taking responsibility for the care of aging parents is a noble undertaking, especially if parents are ill or dealing with dementia. While extended family has wonderful benefits, the decision to bring an elderly parent home to live with your family can also take a heavy toll if goals and guidelines are not discussed ahead of time.
If you are considering this situation for your own family, take time to discuss the following issues. Not only will there be a realistic expectation but the primary caregiver can have the support and understanding they will so desperately need when things get difficult.
HOW LONG WILL THEY STAY?
The discussion of how long an elderly parent stays will be determined by different issues. If the parent is recuperating from an illness or the death of their partner, the stay may be limited to a specific time period.
If long term care is needed it is important to decide what amount of care your family is capable of providing. If more specialized care is eventually needed, the family is agreed on the steps to be taken, such as hiring a nurse or moving the parent to a nursing home.
WHO WILL CARE FOR THEM?
It is unfair to expect a particular member (usually the wife) to take on the responsibilities of caring for the elderly parent unless this has been decided beforehand. Caregiving can be very draining and an individual working full time or caring for children may not feel they can handle the extra work.
If one person decides to take on the responsibility, other members should take on auxiliary roles to relieve the main caregiver. These can be decided beforehand or else the family should agree to help, without irritation, when asked.
WHAT ARE THE RESPONSIBILITIES?
Along with deciding who is doing the work, it is important to know what responsibilities are involved. If there are health issues, the family, or at least the parents, should be informed as to what assistance they will be required to provide.
Children can take on responsibilities such as helping with chores, sitting with the grandparent so parents can do other chores or errands, or help care for younger siblings.
Give children a realistic idea of the demands you are taking on and keep communication open so they can vent their own frustrations at losing some of your attention and time.
HOW CAN THE CAREGIVER BE SUPPORTED?
Burnout is a major problem for caregivers. Whether you are alone or dealing with the demands of family along with caring for your parent, it is important that the primary caregiver be given relief for defined periods.
Family or friends can stay with the parent while the caregiver takes some time away; a walk, going shopping or even staying away for a night - especially if care is usually around the clock- can be restorative.
Hiring an aide or arranging for a nurse visit can also relieve the caregiver of excessive responsibility. This ability to walk away from the caregiving from time to time will allow the individual to relieve stress and keep perspective. Time away, without guilt, is absolutely essential for the caregiver's health and the proper care of the elderly parent. | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Quotes To Ponder:
Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count. - Kin Hubbard, 1868-1930, American Journalist/Humorist/Cartoonist
What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us. - Helen Keller, 1880-1968, American Blind/Deaf Author and Lecturer
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one. - Eleanor Roosevelt, 1884-1962, American Humanitarian and Former First Lady of the United States
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Mental Health Dictionary:
Couples Counseling and Family Therapy:
The two similar approaches to therapy involve discussions and problem-solving sessions faciliated by a therapist --sometimes with a couple or entire family group, sometimes with individuals. Such therapy can help couples and family members improve their understanding of, and the way they respond to, one another. This type of therapy can resolve patterns of behavior that might lead to more severe mental illness. Family therapy can help educate the individuals about the nature of mental disorders and teach them skills to cope better with the effects of having a family member with a mental illness --such as how to deal with feelings of anger or guilt.
--- National Institutes of Mental Health | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | |