"If every golfer in the world, male and female, were laid end to end, I, for one, would leave them there."
 - Mark Parkinson

  

"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."

 - James Dent  

  

"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation.  If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."

 - Erma Bombeck    

 

One hot summer day, a man is filling up his black pickup truck at the local gas station. He isn't very careful, and he gets gasoline all over his jacket's left sleeve. He ignores it, and leaves the station after paying for the gas. As he's driving down the highway, the heat of the sun on his truck's black paint is enough to ignite his jacket sleeve. He drives faster, waving his arm out the window in an attempt to extinguish the flames, but they burn hotter! As he speeds down the highway, a state trooper sees the situation and pulls him over. He jerks the man out of the truck and rolls him on the ground until the fire is extinguished. As the man dusts himself and thanks his rescuer, he sees the officer is writing him a summons! Confused, he asks, "You're writing me a ticket!? What for?" The officer replies, "Posession of an illegal fire arm."