| Quotes of the Month
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"Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories."
- John Wilmot "A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest." - Irish Proverb "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." - Phyllis Diller "Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known."
- Garrison Keillor
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Joke Time
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A small boy is sent to bed by his mother.
[Five minutes later]
"Mom!"
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mom!"
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mommm!"
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"
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Dingbats and Dillweeds: Because Everyone Loves an Idiot!
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This just in: thousands of spring breakers descend on Applebee's, demanding apple juice.
It seems a Michigan Applebee's mistakenly replaced a 15-month-old boy's apple juice with a tequila. His mother says she realized something was wrong when her son "started saying 'Hi!' and 'Bye!' to the walls" and then laid his head down on the table. They also banned ovens in favor of microwaves, brewed in favor of instant coffee and the uncut version of In-a-gadda-da-vida.
Ohio has authorized wardens to set "reasonable restrictions on the content and length" of a condemned prisoner's last remarks. The new rule was instigated after one inmate's last words consisted of a confession and recitation of the "Hail Mary" for seventeen minutes.
Don't laugh - several insurance carriers are already in a bidding war to license his "policy that pays no claims."
The British government awarded a polish artist a $2,338 grant for his art show. The major exhibitions he promised in exchange for the money? "A painting that hasn't been painted yet", an "invisible sculpture" and "a movie shot with no film in the camera."
What a relief - for a minute there I thought Tom Cruise had defected!
Chinese Central Television executives were embarrassed recently when the video they claimed showed a Chinese J-10 fighter plane blasting another plane to pieces during a training exercise turned out to be a film clip from the movie "Top Gun."
Source: The Week
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Diamond in the Coal: IIF Web Site of the Month
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As all history majors know (and you'd be amazed how many history majors are in the insurance industry!), this years begins the 150th anniversary commemoration of the Civil War. And what more iconic moment of that war than the Gettysburg Address. "The world will little note" indeed!
Not only was Lincoln wrong on that, but Al Gore would be horrified to know he actually had to work without Powerpoint. While notes on the backs of envelopes were no doubt state of the art speaker technology back then, today the Cemetery Dedication Committee would demand not only slides, but a "copy of the slides" handout, and a link for those who wished to download them later. But would such slides enhance or detract from Lincoln's famously short and sweet presentation? Wonder no more, Gettysburg fans! Click that link and experience history as only the most brain-dead meeting presenters may have wished it.
Here's the address for the Address
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Product Deal of the Month: Mother's Day!
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Attention fathers, husbands and all other sundry male companions of women with children: Mother's Day is coming! You know what that means: the need for the perfect gift for that Special Mom in your life! And if she is an INSURANCE Mom, where better to find that perfect gift than the world-renowned Insurance is Fun! store. Be it comfy pillows, huggable bears or a too-cute outfit for the baby, we've got it - all with that priceless, unique "only those in this industry truly get it" humorous touch that can only be found at Insurance is Fun!
Her satisfaction is guaranteed - with our gifts, we mean. You and the kids are on your own. Check out our store today!
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Picture of the Month: Homeowner Underwriter Nightmare #39
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Bob and Tom were doubly unfortunate: not only was their pool party about to reach an abrupt end, but no one would ever know they had just broken the world beer pong record.
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