February/March News from Insurance Is Fun!

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"There are only two kinds of people in the world, The Irish and those who wish they were."

"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat."

- Alex Levine

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"

***

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guiness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time.
The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together.

The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons.

When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, "No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent."

File this under "Sure wish we'd said that."

After the Insurance Journal reported that a chicken barn in Maine burned to the ground, resulting in the loss of 72,000 chickens, a respondent calling himself "Colonel Sanders" offerred the following insightful observation:

"It didn't help that the firefighters were spraying BBQ sauce on the building instead of water."

Next year he's giving her a CGL.

Minnesota farmer Bruce Andersland created a half-mile-wide heart out of cow manure as a Valentine's Day gift for his wife. A happy Beth Andersland called the heart "the biggest and most original'' Valentine she had ever received.

Well, there goes THAT alternative to credit score underwriting.

The Virginia House of Delegates voted to make it illegal to implant microchips in people without their permission. A Delegate said chips might be someday used as the "mark of the beast" described in the Book of Revelation.

And to think just a few short years ago the biggest fears for Florida church underwriters were hurricanes and a bus ministry.

A Florida man taking a National Rifle Association gun-safety class at his local church was accidentally shot in the foot by his instructor. Robert Frauman, 50, was training for his concealed-weapon certification when instructor Michael Phillips, 32, accidentally discharged his firearm. The bullet passed through Frauman's foot without hitting a bone, said hospital staff. A spokeswoman for the Summit Church said the victim was recovering, but noted, "We won't be having anything like that in our church in the future."

If he wins, I'm going after that John Hancock recruiter that got me into insurance.

A California man is suing the makers of World of Warcraft for $1 million, claiming his addiction to the online video game has left him "sad, lonely, and alienated."

Source: The Week

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