| Quotes of the Month
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"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-Robert A. Heinlein
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try."
-Homer Simpson
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Joke Time
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A man walked in the door of his office building carrying a baby pig under each arm. The doorman stood at attention, bowed, and said: ''Nice pigs, sir.'' The man replied, ''These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for my attorney and one for my financial advisor."
The doorman again stood at attention, bowed, and replied, ''Nice trade, sir.''
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Dingbats and Dillweeds: Because Everyone Loves an Idiot!
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"Kidnap and Ransom coverage: for EPLI?"
A poll found that 45 percent of the French thought it was perfectly acceptable for laid-off staff at three companies to hold top managers hostage - a practice known as "bossknapping."
IIF would like to point out in America 97% of managers think it is perfectly acceptable to hold staff members hostage - a practice known as "meetings."
"My Grandmother used the same excuse when she drank all my beer."
A woman was caught driving 103 mph on a road in Oregon with her 10-year-old grandson in the car. She explained to police that she was only trying to teach the boy never to drive that fast.
Source: The Week
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News Flash: Living Well or Living Hell?
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Some school officials recently cancelled the students' monthly ice cream fundraiser, on the grounds that ice cream isn't good for you. The charity event had been gathering about $500 monthly, some of which went to fund the school newspaper. The school principal said he was forced to cancel the successful event because "there's a regulation in our wellness policy that prevents an activity such as that during lunchtime."
"An activity such as that?" Good heavens, we had no idea those wardens of the high school prisons had decided eating ice cream ranks right up there with doing the forbidden dance at the prom! What's next, a reunited Brownsville Station singing "Ice Cream in the Boy's Room"?
And what "regulation" would that be, the Tofu Treaty? No doubt these "officials" would also look askance at such tried and true high school lunch activities as making a friend snort soda out his nose, food fights, wedgies and forming cliques - all of which risk more severe mental and physical harm than a mere scoop of Ben and Jerry's finest. Ban Blue Bell? Outrageous!!
IIF believes high school is tough enough without having to survive it on veggies and wheat germ. Bring on that frozen concoction that helps us hang on!
No, not that one. They aren't old enough yet. Ice Cream rocks!!
Source: The Week
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"Finding a Diamond Among the Coal!" Department
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Surely you've heard that many folks now refer to the World Wide Web as the "World Wide Waste." The amount of digital flotsam and jetsam arriving daily merely from ex-Nigerian officials with a need to move money out of the country is enough to clog up the mightiest mailbox filter!
We mean, how much fun is dealing with that? So here at IIF, where we are always about more fun, we decided-as a public service-to help. Each issue, we will find you a diamond from among the coal, a swan from among the geese, a pearl from among the swine-well, you get the idea. So feel free to reroute all your current e-mail bloat into that "automatically delete" file, while trusting us here at IIF headquarters to pass on anything truly worthy of our valued attention. And hey, it'll be fun!
This issue:
IIFers are people of substance - world travelers versed in the finest wines, cuisine, and luxury the world has to offer. We have sophisticated pallets and are schooled in designer fashion in all corners of the earth. We raise collections of exotic pets, drive internationally renowned vehicles and host parties in our chalets on 5 continents.
But even those as sophisticated as ourselves understand the importance of accurate translation into the native dialogue - for to falter would be bad form in any culture. That's why we cheat - and doing so is easy with babelfish.yahoo.com. Just type in a phrase in English, select from a list of common languages and enjoy!
Oh, and for those who know the origin of the babelfish, don't forget to bring your towel!
This way to the Babelfish!
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Hear ye, Hear ye - Listening to us, you get the IIF Funcast!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Brand Blog: Rate Those Customer Touch Points!
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So your agency is still proudly giving customers those cheap plastic pens that always leak?
What happens when a valuable client reports you've ruined his best shirt (even if "best" is a matter of taste since you know how he dresses)? And the pen has your agency name on it!
Yikes! What can we do about this?
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Book Of the Month - SHED Your Stuff, Change Your Life by Julie Morgenstern
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Admit it IIFers- you're all brilliant (and slightly insane) folks (that's a compliment) but almost every one of you is currently, right now, as you look to your left and right surrounded by heaps of stuff that you'll "get to someday." (We know you!)
Morgenstern sympathizes. In fact, she's spent a lifetime raising the spirits of good folks just like you by helping them toss the baggage, clean out the closet, trim the fat or any other cliche for cleaning house. She's absolutely wonderful and will work wonders for your professional and personal space, while making you feel good about it. Read it!
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Product Deal of the Month: Let Your IIF Flag Fly!
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It's rough out there.
So don't sign another bailout check or prepare another resume until you peruse the plethora of potential spirit-lifting possibilities at the IIF Store! Where else can you get that perfect insurance day brightener with that perfect insurance message such as "Bind me, Baby!" or "Kiss me, I'm All Risk!" or a personal favorite "Forget my exclusions, let's talk about your limitations!"
Too many gloom-dissipating options to decide? Not willing to guess wrong on that clothing size? Practice true risk management with an IIF gift certificate!
Perhaps that insurance person on your list enjoys combining flawlessly correct coverage interpretations with a bit of humor and musicality? Then he or she will love a copy of the latest collection of coverage articles from Chris Amrhein: "Yes, Virginia, There is Insurance!"
But you better hurry! Your favorite insurance person could be going out on that ledge even now - click that link!
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Picture of the Month:
"I don't understand. According to the GPS, there's a Starbucks right here."
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