As we approach the holiday weekend, I wish a celebration of joy to everyone as we mark the occasion of our nation's independence. Although we celebrate this most significant event on one day, we must remember that it followed a long struggle of questioning, seeking, searching, and yes, actural battle...but the dream was always in sight; patience and perseverance brought the nation to declare its independence. And so today, once again, we celebrate that most meaningful unfolding.

  

     This weekend, as we mark that momentous achievement, I suggest the creation of a new independence day for those who have experienced a loss and are in the throes of the long struggle of grief. Dwell for a moment with this quotation taken from "Memoirs of a Geisha" by Arthur Golden:

  

"Grief is a most peculiar thing; we're so helpless in the face of it. It's like a window that will simply open of its own accord: the room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time...and a little less...and one day, we wonder what has become of it".

       This poignant passage from "Memoirs of a Geisha" reminds us that grief does not end on some given day and in some exact moment...it abates gradually over time as you willingly but reluctantly engage the struggle of the work-of-grief (Coyne, pp. 119-138). Your "window" of grief opens and you gradually release the pain of grief...but for a time, you "shiver".....

  

     You know that it will be a long struggle...just as the founding fathers knew the struggle that was before them...but their belief in what was possible came to fruition in the Declaration of Independence that we celebrate this weekend. 

  

     My message today, then is this: declare your independence from grief knowing that it will not happen without a long struggle...but believing that one day, you will "wonder what has become of it".

  

     Here is my suggestion for your declaration of independence from grief...it is paraphrased from my message (p. 141) that heralds the ending of your grief story:

            

        DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

      

     Honoring the course of human events and the power of a Transcendent Being, I acknowledge the transience of all life, knowing not the time or the manner of death. When anyone with whom I am connected dies, I grieve and mourn my loss...and, over time and in my way, I look toward relinquishing the pain of my grief. I declare this soon-to-come independence from grief respecting that:

  

     .I have the right to be alive: my (parent/spouse/child/friend) is where she/he must be; it was her/his time to die...it was not yet mine.

     .I know that with all rights come responsibilities.

     .The responsibility for my right to be alive is that I live my life fully,totally, in wholeness and with joy even in the midst of my sadness.

     .It is in living my life in wholeness and reaching for moments of joy that I honor my (person)....and that I pay tribute to the Transcendent Power who gave me the right to be alive.          

  

     In conclusion, enjoy the festivities you have planned with your family and friends on the "fourth"...Set aside one moment to reflect on your declaration of independence from your grief, secure in the knowledge that the"wisdom of the body" will guide you in the process of becoming happy again...in a different way. 

  

  

Untill the next time,