THOUGHTS ON MOTHER'S DAY:

     Gifts Given and Received

 
     "The best academy is the mother's knee".....James Russell Lowell, poet and critic

      This Sunday, we take time to honor all mothers at whose knee we learned: we celebrate those who are among us and pause to remember those who have died.This dedicated day also offers us the opportunity to reflect on the idea of "mother" and the meaning it holds for each one of us. It was at the "academy of the mother's knee" that we began to understand this most profound idea as it unfolded in our individual experiences. And in the reflecting is the opportunity for continuing growth as each of us marvel in remembering how the unfolding mystery and wonder of "mother" continues to shape our lives into adulthood. And we wonder how this mystery of mother comes to be.

On Becoming a Mother

   "The moment a child is born, the mother is also born--she never existed before: the woman existed but not the mother, never: a mother is absolutely new".....

             Bhagwan Rajeesh, philosopher and

                          religious leader

     Now, as we celebrate mothers, living and dead, we reflect on the greater mystery of how this "mother"--who never existed, came to be. Did she sprout full-grown at the moment she gave birth? Was she suddenly infused with all the wisdom of how to-be-a-mother? Probably not: the mother who is "born at the moment the woman gives birth" has been a long time in coming. She developed from the roots of the "woman who existed before" and ultimately became the new mother. It seems an imperative, then, that we must nourish these roots in the on-going development of the woman.These roots are best nourished and nurtured in the relationships she will experience in the intimacy of family connections: we are forever connected--for good or ill--not only with those from whom we are born but all those we come to know as family.

 Relational Connections 

    " Memory is the mother of all wisdom"...

                     Aeschylus, Greek playwright

                     524-456 B.C.E.

     As the child grows at the knee of her "mother's academy", she learns the dynamic of the family dance. While the mother may be central to the "academy", other adults and children who comprise the family share in the dance. So, it is the unfolding interplay among the dancers where memories are created in the child-becoming-woman--and she commits the essence of that dance to memory. She has been learning ways to be "mother" as she participated in the on-going process of the family dance. Throughout this process, she has received many gifts that formed the unique woman who will one day be born as mother. Here are but a few that have shaped her:

Gifts Received in the Family Dance 

     As she participates in the family dance, she absorbs:

.....how mother and father treat each other---and she learned respect;

 .....that when she is enveloped in her mother's arms, the little hurts quickly heal---and she learned tenderness and comforting;

 .....that she was encouraged to balance giving and receiving with siblings and friends---and she learned the value of sharing and cooperation; 

 .....that she was supported in expressing and honoring the boundaries of her individuality---and she learned the distinction between proportion and balance;

.....open discussions of disagreements and conflicts---and she learned the values of fairness, compromise and trust;

.....that she was expected to help with family "chores"---and she learned responsibility, accountability and the consequences of her choices;

.....how the family lives the double path of loss and gain (see newsletter: The Unfolding of a New Year)---and she learned patience and the ambiguity inherent in living;

.....how the family participates in the neighborhood---and she learned the meaning of community;

.....how each respects thoughts-feelings of others even though different from their own---and she learned consideration and the value of diversity;

.....when her "grammy" died, she was encouraged to express her pain openly and honestly in her way---and she learned to honor the truth of authenticity;

.....the inevitable imperfection of human beings as mistakes were acknowledged and apologies made---and she learned humility and compassion;

.....the terrible aloneness of the human condition as difficult situations were openly discussed and painful decisions made---and she learned the meaning of connection;

.....how the family expressed beliefs in a transcendant power---and she learned the significance of faith and hope.

    The seeds of these gifts (and so many more) are sown in the child and nurtured throughout the unfolding development of her life. It is the memory and the essence of all these gifts that she brings to the grown woman who "exists before the mother"... and it is this woman who gives birth to the mother who comes-into-being in the miracle of birth.

To All Mothers,

     Rejoice in the gifts you have given your children, they will flourish as they grow to be women and, perhaps, become the next generation of new mothers...and the spiral of life continues...

     Celebrate Motherhood...an awesome responsibility and an unparalled joy!

    A most delightful Mother's Day to all.

Untill the next time,