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VALENTINE"S DAY:THE TRADITION AND THE MEANING
Traditionally, Valentine's day has been a romantic holiday for lovers, but what it is and always has been about, is love. The meaning of love is rooted in connection: we are always--in some way--connected with people, animals, and things. It is a relational joining with an other and we move through the path of life secure in this united connection. It is the strength of this connection that lights the beacon guiding us through the myriad experiences of life's unfolding: the pleasurable and the difficult. It is what often "gets us through" the difficult times. Valentine's day, like any nodal event, calls us to the changing rhythms of our connections.
THE CHANGING CONNECTION
When the death of someone changes this connection, we often hold tight to the "things" that reminded us of him or her. It is one of the reasons that I suggest that you not be in a hurry to "clean out the closets", etc., yes, even though well-meaning others tell you "it's time to get rid of.....". For a time, we get comfort from touching "those things" and it helps us to do the important work-of-grief that alerts us to the changing connection with those who have died (see especially pp.111-142, my book). Eventually, we attend to what must be done with the "things" and keep the connection--albeit changed--in memory.
VALENTINE'S DAY AND GRIEF
Valentine's day, then, is not just about romance and lovers, it is indeed about love and connection...it is about "what you have been through" with the person who has died. Valentine's day, because of the meaning of this day, may be bittersweet as you remember what was that will be no more. You may be more acutely aware of your sense of loss as you continue to disconnect from the life lived and connect in different ways with the person now dead.
PAUSE...FOR A MOMENT
Reflect on "what you have been through" with the person and celebrate the life lived and the memories made. You might:
.write a note of appreciation for the love and conection shared with that person...
.attend a religious service to mark your eternal connection...
.visit the gravesite for a quiet alone time to shed some tears and perhaps, remember some joys, and smile...
.make a lovely valentine box and take it to the children who shared your child's schoolroom for holding their valentines...
.light a candle in a red holdeer and read a favorite valentine card from your spouse...
.bake your mother's favorite heart shaped cake...
.bake your child's favorite cupcakes with those valentine sprinkles on them...
AND THEN:
Shift your thinking to your living connections and perhaps, have tea with a friend...or lunch...a movie or a conversation. As you continue to nurture your changing life, you strengthen connections: existing and new ones.
So,Valentine's day is traditionally for lovers but it is about love:
dwell with this thought from Voltaire (1694-1778): Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.
Imagine your changing connections and how best you might embroider them...make it a memorable Valentine's day.
UNTIL NEXT TIME.....
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