November masthead

In This Issue - November 2009
On My Mind by John Rosemond
Atlanta 2010 Parent Retreat Scheduled
Q&A with Richard V. Daly III, LCSW
Contributing author, Martha Lindsey Hanson
November Speaking Calendar
John Rosemond Product Info
Dear Subscriber,
Welcome to the 7th edition of John Rosemond's Traditional Parent e-newsletter.  We hope you enjoy this issue and please encourage your friends, family, co-workers, and church to subscribe to the e-newsletter by signing up at the www.rosemond.com homepage.  We are close to having signed up 5000 recipients so far! 

John's Fall 2009 Speaking tour has started out with a bang so please be sure to check out where he's going to be for November!  He's covering lots of territory including Huntsville, Albuquerque, Birmingham, North and South Carolina, Jacksonville and Coral Gables, FL, and San Diego and Temecula, CA.  His November speaking calendar is listed below. 

We continue invite you to submit their own articles, stories, or parenting techniques for future editions of this e-newsletter.   You can submit articles to feedback@rosemond.com
Thanks for reading and continuing to support John's traditional parenting message!

All the best to you and your family,

John Rosemond and Staff
On My Mind by John Rosemond
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daly"Traveling With Friends and Their Brats...I Mean, Children"
Johnny K. Rosemond
Copyright 2009, John K. Rosemond

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Author's note: In the following true-albeit fictionalized-story, names have been changed to protect the guilty).

    Once upon a time (as all morality tales should begin), Frankie and Johnny decided to invite their all-time very best friends, Romaine and Reginald, to join them for a long weekend at a lake resort in beautiful rolling hill country.
    At the appointed time of embarkation, Romaine and Reginald showed up with their two children, Ernestine and Humbert. Oh, my! Frankie and Johnny had failed to mention that children were not invited. They had assumed Romaine and Reginald understood that this was an adults-only weekend. In fact, they'd farmed their own 12 children out to relatives and soon-to-be ex-friends. What were they going to do now?

    Moral: When planning a trip or vacation with friends, make sure you communicate your expectations up front, and most explicitly so. This includes such things as whether or not children and in-laws are invited, what costs are going to be shared, and who is going to be responsible for what. Being proactive about such matters minimizes surprises, thus helping to avoid conflict (and ensuing resentment). Unfortunately for Frankie and Johnny, who were really looking forward to some adults-only time, their failure to be unequivocal concerning this "minor" detail has thrown the proverbial monkey wrench into everyone's plans. What are they going to do now, indeed?
    Frankie and Johnny quickly huddled and decided that since they'd caused the problem, they were going to have to solve it. They also agreed not to say anything about the mix-up to Romaine and Reginald since to do so would probably create an awkward situation that would only complicate things that much more. While Frankie provided a suitable distraction, Johnny made several phone calls. He was able to book last-minute reservations at a resort with a children's recreation program that would occupy Ernestine and Humbert during the day. He also rented a six-passenger van in which everyone could travel together. Frankie and Johnny each earn a Traveling in Partnership Point (TIPP) for being gracious and taking full responsibility for their mistake.
    So, off they went, the six of them. When they arrived at their destination, however, yet another surprise reared its ugly little head. Ernestine and Humbert, when told about the children's recreation program, refused to participate. They wanted to be with the adults, they wailed, and their parents, being the wimps they were, gave in. Frankie and Johnny just looked at one another and shrugged. They knew, you see, that Ernestine and Humbert were in training for the Brat Olympics. Making matters worse-much, much worse!-was the fact that Romaine and Reginald thought their kids were the most precious darlings in all of history. So, when their children misbehaved, they either did nothing, or gave in, or acted like the misbehavior was cute. Oh, boy! Things are definitely going downhill for Frankie and Johnny.
Again, they huddled, which was good because they discovered they held differing opinions about how to handle this problem. Having little patience for such things, Johnny wanted to confront Romaine and Reginald and insist they discipline their children properly. Frankie, on the other hand, felt that sort of approach would only cause a breach in the relationship and accomplish absolutely nothing. She pointed out that whereas Romaine and Reginald might be more than slightly remiss as parents, they were good friends. What was more important, she asked rhetorically, the long run of the friendship or the next four days? Johnny saw the light and agreed to keep his true feelings under wraps. Both he and Frankie get TIPPs for managing to be so mature and civilized in circumstances that might dispose weaker souls to homicide.

    Moral: When you're traveling with friends and a problem arises, make sure you check in with your partner before taking action of any sort. You just might find, as did Johnny, that your partner sees the problem in a different light. Had Johnny acted impulsively and said something to Romaine and Reginald about their children's bratish behavior, he would have had not just two, but three people upset with him, one of whom (which?) he had to live with. Furthermore, if you and your partner don't agree on how to handle the problem, whatever it is, then do nothing until you can find some way of coming to agreement. Don't act unilaterally in a problem situation!
    The next problem arose late that afternoon when Frankie suggested that they all go outside the resort for dinner. Everyone agreed. However, when it came to a choice of restaurant, no one agreed, save spouses. Frankie and Johnny wanted to eat Thai, while Romaine and Bubba were adamant about wanting to eat at a cozy little Lithuanian bistro they'd heard about. Too much cholesterol, said Frankie. Romaine rejoined that she was allergic to Thai cooking.
    Frankie glanced at Johnny, who was rolling his eyes and making little snorting sounds. "Oh my gosh, she thought, "not much time before Johnny reaches the end of his rope." There was no time to huddle, so Frankie put her thinking cap on and came up with an idea.
    "Hey!" she said, "I have an idea! Why don't you guys pick the restaurant tonight, as long as it isn't Lithuanian, and we'll pick the restaurant tomorrow night, and it won't be Thai?"
    Romaine and Reginald looked at each other. "Well," said Romaine with a shrug, "I guess that'll be okay."
    Frankie sure is the consumate diplomat, eh? Another TIPP for Frankie!

    Moral: Traveling and/or vacationing takes one out of his/her out of his/her routines. Therefore, more decisions need to be made, and the necessity of making lots of decisions is stressful. As the number of people that need to be involved in making these decisions increases, so does the potential stress, and so does the likelihood of conflict. If you don't want the supposedly cooperative vacation to be the end of the friendship, then compromise must be the order of each and every day. Again, anticipating potential conflict areas and being proactive about compromise is always best, but if and when conflict suddenly rears its ugly little head, be quick to lead the group into exploring solutions that are not one-sided.
Things started off badly the next morning. Romaine and Reginald complained all the way through breakfast-her about the food, him about the fact the resort didn't have a full-contact football program for guests. Meanwhile, their children ran amok in the dining room.
Frankie noticed Johnny's left eyelid was twitching, a sure sign he was about to go over the edge. She had to move fast.
"I know!" she announced. "Let's split up today and go our separate ways. Then, over dinner tonight, we'll share our adventures!"
Romaine and Reginald looked at one another with unmistakable relief. You see, they too, were getting highly annoyed at Frankie's never-ending pollyannaism and Johnny's habit of clearing his throat but then, having secured everyone's attention, not saying anything. They were also offended that neither Frankie nor Johnny had acknowledged the obvious: Ernestine and Humbert were geniuses who required a surfeit of creative freedom. In any case, Romaine and Reginald had also been hoping to find some excuse for getting away from their tormentors. So, the couple went in one direction and the family in another, disconnected and happier for it. And again, Frankie earns a TIPP. She is clearly a world-class cooperative traveler!

Moral: Intimacy can breed greater intimacy, but then again, it can also breed contempt. To avoid the latter risk, when traveling with a friend or friends, strive to strike a balance between doing things together and doing things apart. The reason such things are called "breathers" is because they enable that which is going stale to become refreshed. Being with other people for any sustained length of time often causes one to feel hemmed in. The resulting stress diminishes decision-making skills along with tolerance for frustration and leads to regretable behavior. Under the circumstances, it's difficult, if not impossible, to have a successful relationship. Said another way, it's hard to love someone else unless you first "love"-take care of-yourself.
That evening, over a sumptuous meal at a Laplander diner, Frankie and Johnny told of finding a colony of artisans who worked in nuclear sludge and Romaine and Reginald entertained the group with stories of running out of gas and being arrested for vagrancy. They all laughed and agreed this had been a most wonderful time, which wasn't exactly true, but then, all's well that ends well.
And they all lived happily ever after (which is how all morality tales should end).
(Family psychologist John Rosemond and his wife, Willie, often vacation with friends. They are careful to follow the advice he gives in this article.)
John Rosemond Weekend Parenting Retreat Scheduled for Atlanta!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John web
The September 2009 Atlanta Parent Retreat was so successful, we have decided to have a second one!
For parents interested in an intensive and highly individualized "re-parenting" experience, John offers weekend parenting retreats for no more than 20 parents (comprised of couples and single parents) in various locations around the USA. Friday and Saturday's sessions commence at 9:00 a.m. (preceded by coffee and continental service) and wrap at 4:30 p.m. on Friday and 3:30 p.m. on Saturday. In addition to presenting the workshop content, John provides plenty of time for questions and discussion of individual parenting issues.
In total, every participant or couple benefits from approximately 13.5 workshop hours, during which John will present fundamental concepts for establishing functional parenting leadership and disciplinary tools for solving a broad range of problem areas, including classroom issues. Just a few of the topics John will cover include:
 
· Mastering "Alpha Parenting"
· Pay Less Attention, Be Less Involved, Be Happier, Grow Happier Kids
· Using Consequences Effectively
· Putting a Permanent End to Defiance, Sibling Rivalry, and Arguments
 
The Retreat Schedule for Fall 2009 and 2010 is as follows:
 
Gastonia, NC - November 20-21, 2009
Atlanta, GA - February 26-27, 2010

For more information, please call Katharine at 770-432-0776 or visit our website at www.rosemond.com.
Q&A with Richard V. Daly III, LCSW
The Importance of Trusting Your Child
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DalyQuestion:
Our normally well behaved 14 y/o daughter created a Facebook account, without our knowledge and against our wishes. We punished her by taking away her cell phone (length of time TBD), she's not allowed to attend the "biggest football game of the season" tonight, and she will not be allowed to attend the Autumn Harvest Dance (her first "big" dance). Now my husband and I are second guessing ourselves in that we may have overreacted and went way too far with the punishment. Overall, she is a really good kid - rarely gets into trouble. Does the punishment we've chosen seem appropriate?

Answer:
The core issue here is TRUST and a blatant violation of it....How important is it for you to be able to trust your child? Stop second guessing yourselves and your good judgment. Be strong mentoring leaders for her and stand by your correct decision! This is important and the consequence should be memorable. She can have the cell phone back only when she earns the level of trust that warrants its ownership... which could and should take a memorable amount of time..as in at least two months. I have never heard of a situation where missing a football game or a school dance has been a terminal event for a teen. There will be many others she will miss unless she sees fit to make an effort to earn back the level of trustworthiness she has lost with her deceit. Plainly..... SHE has a major credibility problem that SHE has earned! Mentoring parent leaders ALWAYS say what they mean and mean what they say! Again...Be strong mentoring parent leaders and independent thinkers and trust your good judgment! Do not let YOUR feelings sacrifice this important life's lesson for HER. Now is the time to decide...Who are you going to take care of? ...Best wishes and happiness...Richard

Richard V. Daly III, LCSW is a member of John Rosemond's panel of experts who answer questions via the Members Only website available at www.rosemond.com.  For more information on Richard and his practice, click here

Contributing Author, Martha Lindsey Hanson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hanson book cover      In the September newsletter, the perils of excessive use of electronic media by young children was discussed. We explored the physical and psychological effects of electronic media upon the developing bodies and psyches of children and found a consensus among researchers that these effects are indeed detrimental to youngsters. Yet, the market is flooded with electronic gizmos that are pitched to younger and younger children. The driving force behind such marketing is corporate greed.
     Mr. Rosemond's book, "The Diseasing of America's Children," discusses the pharmaceutical industry's interests in having as many children as possible diagnosed with ADHD, thereby allowing pharmaceutical companies to sell larger quantities of stimulants and other medications typically prescribed for that diagnosis. Similarly, toy and electronic manufacturers have a vested interest in having parents and educators believe that electronic devices best serve children's educational needs. Nothing could be further from the truth.
     School technology vendors have infiltrated the ranks of policy makers at all levels of government who are responsible for adopting and funding educational standards. During the Bush administration, high level officials noted that the administration's emphasis on testing and accountability, as detailed in the "No Child Left Behind Act," provides a lucrative market for technology vendors. As vendors promote their high-tech products as the key to education, there are many leaders in the field of technology who themselves question the efficacy of computers in classrooms. Among those leaders, Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple Computer, stated nearly ten years ago, "I've probably spearheaded giving away more computer equipment in schools than anybody on the planet. But I've come to the conclusion that the problem is not one that technology can hope to solve. What's wrong with education cannot be fixed with technology. No amount of technology will make a dent." Now, a decade later, we are facing some of the worst crises in education ever. There are widespread teacher shortages, over-crowded classrooms, anxiety-ridden students, low academic performance, high drop-out rates, and increasing problems with school violence. Though there are more computers in classrooms, they have come at the cost of creative, eclectic, efficient education for our children, all the while boosting the profits of manufacturers and vendors of electronic media. Technology vendors tout their products as the answer to academic challenges and as the wave of the future in education. They market directly to children, establishing brand loyalty for their "hip" electronic products. They count on the fact that, despite the relatively high cost of their products, many parents will buy into believing that their children will be unable to compete and succeed in the modern world without early exposure to these devices. Vendors also know that modern-day parenting is, by and large, indulgent, and their direct marketing to children is therefore quite effective: Most children who express a desire, throw a tantrum or shed a tear, will guilt their parents into purchasing the items that "all my friends have."  
     Federal funding policies also feed into the gluttony of technology companies. For example, the federal Title I program has become a huge source of funding for computers in classrooms. Title I monies are distributed to schools that have high percentages of disadvantaged children from high-poverty neighborhoods. Although research overwhelmingly indicates that the poorest students are the ones to be most hurt by forced technology education, this fact has not deterred technology vendors from targeting Title I schools as a lucrative market for their products. These students would be far better served by using Title 1 monies to accommodate their primary needs, such as nutrition, hygiene, and attention.
     The technology standards proposed by the International Society for Technology in Education (ISTE), also contribute to the profits of private vendors. These standards advocate computers in preschool classrooms, and state that teachers can implement "developmentally appropriate" methods for applying "technology-enhanced instructional strategies" for children. Yet, there is absolutely no apparent correlation between the standards proposed by the ISTE and the hierarchy of children's biologically programmed development. The ISTE advocates the immersion of children in technology from age three, in order to assure technology literacy. The ISTE's conclusions are contrary to child development experts who have established guidelines for developmentally appropriate practice (DAP.) Since the ISTE has now ventured into the marketing of technology publications and services, and also sells corporate memberships for $5,000.00, and has recently branched out to marketing assessments and professional development materials in accordance with "No Child Left Behind" and its heavy testing requirements, it doesn't take rocket science to see where their interests lie: They lie with anything and everything that pads their company's profits, regardless worth or detriment to children, and with complete disregard to developmentally appropriate practice.
     Next month, developmentally appropriate practice (DAP) will be further discussed, mostly in terms of the "academania" that has gripped America's preschools and kindergartens, producing masses of children who are "burnt out" on school by the time they reach second grade.

      My book, the ABC's of Childhood-Active Play, Best Educational Practices and Consistent Discipline," researches and discusses electronic media use by children in depth.

For those interested in obtaining a copy of my book, please search by title at http://amazon.com or use the following direct link:
http://www.amazon.com/ABCs-Childhood-Educational-Consistent-Discipline/dp/143828411X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246285093&sr=1-2

Martha Lindsey Hanson,
Speech & Language Pathologist
10-26-09
November Speaking Calendar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hanson book coverNovember 1, 2009
Sunday AM Services
Temecula, CA
Sunridge Community Church
42299 Winchester Rd.
Temecula, CA 92590-4843
(951) 296-1770
Note John will be speaking there again on November 2 (see below).

November 2, 2009
Temecula, CA
Sunridge Community Church
42299 Winchester Rd.
Temecula, CA 92590-4843
Morning and evening presentations
(951) 296-1770

November 3 and 5, 2009
San Diego, CA
November 3 - Warren Walker Middle School - Topic is "Parenting the Strong Willed Child" and admission is free - 7 - 8:30 PM
November 5 - Cathedral Catholic High School - Topic is "Teen Proofing" and admission is free - 7 - 8:30 PM
Sponsored by WeCare Schools and the San Diego Foundation

November 7, 2009
Huntsville, AL
Venue Sponsor is Huntsville High school
Co-sponsored by First Baptist Church
Media Sponsor: Huntsville Times
Go to http://www.castingnewlives.com for more info.

November 8, 2009
Birmingham, AL
St. Peters Anglican Church
4-6 PM
Free of charge, childcare provided through 6 grade
www.stpetersbhm.org
205-879-7173

November 9, 2009
Jacksonville, FL
Christ Anglican Church
www.christchurchjax.com

November 10, 2009
Jacksonville Beach, FL
Private Event

November 11, 2009
Coral Gables, FL
Gulliver School
Check www.rosemond.com at a later date for more details.

November 14, 2009
Albuquerque, NM
Venue Sponsor is Highland High School
Media Sponsor is Albuquerque Journal
Go to http://www.castingnewlives.com for more info and ticket info.

November 16, 2009
Fort Mill, SC
Southpoint Anglican Church

November 17, 2009
Jefferson, SC
New Heights Middle
Call (843) 658-6830 for more info.

November 20-21, 2009
Gastonia Parent Retreat
Gastonia, NC
Click here for more info.

November 22, 2009
Jamestown, NC
Jamestown UMC
Contact 336-454-2717 for more info.

JUST RELEASED!  John Rosemond's The Well-Behaved Child:  Discipline that REALLY Works!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hanson book cover A parenting workshop in a book!
The biggest frustration felt by today's parents is in the area of discipline. Family psychologist, best-selling author, and parenting expert John Rosemond uses his thirty-six years of professional experience working with families to develop the quintessential "how to" book for parents. Rosemond's step-by-step program, based on biblical principles, traditional parenting approaches, and common sense, covers a wide range of discipline problems applicable to children from toddler to teen.


Sections include:
  • Essential Discipline Principles
  • Essential Discipline Tools
  • Perplexing Problems and Simple Solutions
  • Not Your Everyday Problems
  • General Questions and Answers (Troubleshooting)
Filled with real-life examples that anyone who's ever been around children can relate to, this book is sure to be one of the most valuable, helpful resources parents have ever stumbled across.

Our Price: $ 19.95 and includes John's autograph
S & H:$4.00

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE THE BOOK ONLY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BONUS!  The Well-Behaved Child Book and DVD Combo!


This package includes the following:
1.)  Book - The Well-Behaved Child:  Discipline that REALLY Works!
2.)  2-part DVD - "The Well-Behaved Child: The Keys to Effective Discipline"

DVD Description:
John Rosemond's brand new DVD series, "The Well-Behaved Child: The Keys to Effective Discipline", is a perfect video supplement to The Well Behaved Child: Discipline that REALLY Works!  
This 2-part 160-minute interactive skillshop DVD based on this book provides parents with the information and skills they need to begin making significant positive changes in their discipline style and, therefore, their children's behavior.
As usual, John laces his presentation before a live audience with humor, and plenty of it! Parents are sure to feel not only relieved of significant guilt and anxiety, but also inspired, informed, and ready to become calm, self-confident leaders of children.

Our Price: $ 39.95 and includes John's autographed book and the 2-part DVD
(Not available at other websites like Amazon, Borders and Barnes & Noble.)
S & H:$4.00  

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE THE BOOK/DVD PACKAGE. 
Quick Links...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Join Our Mailing List
Save 10%
If you are interested in purchasing any of the Parenting by the Book study programs, please call 770-432-0776 to place your order over the phone.  Mention "coupon from newsletter" and we will provide you a 10% discount off your entire order.  For more information on the study programs, go to www.parentingbythebook.com