September Masthead

In This Issue - September/October 2009
On My Mind by John Rosemond
Atlanta 2010 Parent Retreat Scheduled
Q&A with Richard V. Daly III, LCSW
Excerpt by our new contributing author, Martha Lindsey Hanson
October Speaking Calendar
John Rosemond Product Info
Dear Subscriber,
Welcome to the 6th edition of John Rosemond's Traditional Parent e-newsletter.  We hope you enjoy this issue and please encourage your friends, family, co-workers, and church to subscribe to the e-newsletter by signing up at the www.rosemond.com homepage. 
You will find an "electronic media" theme to this newsletter that we hope will answer many of the questions John and his panel of experts get in regards to video games, TV, etc. in the home. 
John has started his 2009 Fall Speaking tour so please be sure to check out where he's going to be over the next few weeks.  He could be speaking in a community near you!
We continue invite you to submit their own articles, stories, or parenting techniques for future editions of this e-newsletter.   You can submit articles to feedback@rosemond.com
Thanks for reading and continuing to support John's traditional parenting message!

All the best to you and your family,

John Rosemond and Staff
On My Mind by John Rosemond
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Daly"Rosemond Plagiarizes Feature"
Copyright 2009, John K. Rosemond*
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Several weeks ago, I sat down at my PC to write a feature for this issue of Traditional Parent. I tend to work on one thing for a while, then another, then another, and then come back to the first thing, and so on. I understand that's called multi-tasking-a sophisticated way of saying a person has a short attention span and is easily bored. So, after working on a feature for about an hour, I decided to switch to answering questions on the members' side of www.rosemond.com. One of the questions, I discovered, wasn't a question at all. It was a story. A feature-length story! Oh happy day! I decided to share it with the class because (a) I'd rather someone else wrote the feature for once, and (b) it is one thing for me to say something; it's another thing entirely for someone who has "lived" my advice says it for me.

Dear John: About a year ago, I wrote a "No TV Testimonial" and shared it with you. I have four young girls, and at that time they were 12 months, 3, 5, and 6. The truth was, my older three never really cared about TV, and it wasn't a huge adjustment to live without it. The baby was too young to know much about TV, so she wasn't affected either. The point of my testimony was that basically TV just vanished from our life one day and no one even really noticed. My kids were great kids, easily entertaining themselves for long periods, well behaved, etc...Television just added nothing to our life.

But something happened not long after. My one year old, Lulu (names have been changed), started going through a very difficult time...whining, getting into things constantly, and just basically exhausting me on a daily basis. In other words, she was developmentally right where she should have been. I also discovered at a friend's home that she was absolutely mesmerized by TV. That was interesting to me, as my others had had no interest in TV at that age.

So I started letting her watch shows here and there, rationalizing that occasional TV really wasn't harmful. And it felt like that was the only way I could get anything done or have any peace! In the course of the past year, she was in a constant state of agitation when the TV wasn't on. She was hyper and wired all the time. We would get sitters for her when we would take our other kids out to dinner, as she couldn't sit still for even 10 minutes. She threw tantrums constantly and was referred to as the "rotten egg" by her sisters. My husband referred to her as the "devil's spawn." But I assumed that she was just higher maintenance than my other children, and that this stage would soon pass. We became accustomed to accomplishing absolutely nothing when she was around, and ditching her with a sitter whenever possible. It pains me to say this, but as much as we loved this child, we just didn't like her much. No one did. Her second birthday rolled around and she was still sleeping in a crib-my others had all graduated to big beds by now. I tried her in one a couple of times, but she was just too hyper and would get out and cry, and for heaven's sake I had to sleep sometime. I also tried to start potty training but she was so uncooperative I just gave up. (My others had all been trained by this time).

I took her in for her routine check up a couple of days after her second birthday. She screamed through the entire exam. I told the doctor that this was her personality all day long. I told him of her inability to entertain herself and constant crankiness. He seemed concerned and said to me "This isn't normal." He felt that while whininess, tantrums, etc...were certainly part of being two, they shouldn't be part of every waking hour. He referred me to a "developmental specialist" which turned out to be a pediatric neurologist. I was horrified just by the thought and came home that day searching through the Rosemond site archives, trying to figure out what on earth could be wrong with my child. One thing kept cropping up: Children, even toddlers, watch too much TV, and it's not good for them. I sat down and honestly assessed how much time she spent in front of the TV. I am so mortified to admit this, but I discovered she was watching around six hours a day. That was about half of all her waking time. Me, the person who'd read all the research on the effects of TV, and was such an advocate of "No TV". But I just didn't realize how TV time adds up, and I'd convinced myself TV was just helping me get through a temporarily difficult time. In other words, she and I were both addicted.

I spoke to my husband that night. I told him that I just hadn't realized how much we were relying on TV, and that we had to stop it altogether. He was skeptical, frankly. He wasn't sure it would make any difference, but he went along to appease me. The next morning, we refused to turn it on and she cried a bit. She was a little cranky that morning, but by the end of the day she was playing blocks, running around the house with her sisters and laughing. I noticed a difference in her personality just that first day. My husband, ever the cynic, said, "It's only been one day, we'll see." By the end of the second day, we felt we'd witnessed a miracle. Her personality was truly transformed. She was happy, occupying herself a lot, and actually pleasant. That night we put her in the "big girl's bed" in her room and she did great! She was so pooped from "normal play" that she fell right asleep! The next day I put her in the big bed for naptime, the real test, and again she went right to sleep. We took the crib down the next day! She was so much calmer, so much more agreeable, that it was almost spooky. We took her to the state fair on day four of "No TV" and spent four hours there with our kids. She was wonderful! She had her first pony ride, reveled in all the excitement of the animals, food and rides, and never whined the first time. We had so much fun with her! She's still two, mind you (she dumped all the salt out of the salt shaker this morning and was so pleased with herself she clapped when I came into the room), but the constant crankiness and hyperactivity are completely gone. I should also mention that she is a year behind verbally. She has almost doubled her vocabulary in the past two weeks. I also started back with the potty training yesterday and she peed in the potty for the first time ever. I expect to have that wrapped up shortly. I overheard my husband telling someone yesterday that we haven't watched TV in two weeks and that it was the best thing we'd ever done. I have to stress: We are talking about a dramatic personality change in days, not months or even weeks. When I think about all the months we lost because of our television addiction I feel sick to my stomach. So I'm writing this to hopefully help other parents avoid making the same mistake I made.

Oh, and interestingly enough, I previously discussed her personality with several people who have kids the same age as Lulu, and the ones who "do TV" all thought her past behavior was completely normal for a two-year-old. That's pretty scary, huh?

    Yes, it's certainly scary to realize that most American's don't know what normal child behavior is any more, regardless of the age in question. For example, most parents think tantrums are normal for children four and five. They aren't. Most parents think moodiness is normal for teenagers. It isn't. And the list goes on. Technology and "postmodern psychological parenting" (the child rearing philosophy that has guided American parents since the '60s) have changed children in dramatic ways, and not a single one of the changes is desirable. Today's parents are dealing with problems that a mother of 60 years ago would not have been able to even imagine.

    Thanks, "Lulu's" mom, for sharing your second "No TV" testimonial with everyone at www.rosemond.com and now, and without your permission (since I don't know how to ask your permission), with everyone at Traditional Parent. I'll say a little prayer that many, many parents take your story to heart and take television out of their children's lives. After all, my mom and parents of her generation didn't call it the "boob tube" and the "idiot box" for nothing.


John Rosemond Weekend Parenting Retreat Scheduled for Atlanta!
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John web
The September 2009 Atlanta Parent Retreat was so successful, we have decided to have a second one!
For parents interested in an intensive and highly individualized "re-parenting" experience, John offers weekend parenting retreats for no more than 20 parents (comprised of couples and single parents) in various locations around the USA. Friday and Saturday's sessions commence at 9:00 a.m. (preceded by coffee and continental service) and wrap at 4:30 p.m. on Friday and 3:30 p.m. on Saturday. In addition to presenting the workshop content, John provides plenty of time for questions and discussion of individual parenting issues.
In total, every participant or couple benefits from approximately 13.5 workshop hours, during which John will present fundamental concepts for establishing functional parenting leadership and disciplinary tools for solving a broad range of problem areas, including classroom issues. Just a few of the topics John will cover include:
 
· Mastering "Alpha Parenting"
· Pay Less Attention, Be Less Involved, Be Happier, Grow Happier Kids
· Using Consequences Effectively
· Putting a Permanent End to Defiance, Sibling Rivalry, and Arguments
 
The Retreat Schedule for Fall 2009 and 2010 is as follows:
 
Gastonia, NC - November 20-21, 2009
Atlanta, GA - February 26-27, 2010

For more information, please call Katharine at 770-432-0776 or visit our website at www.rosemond.com.
Q&A with Richard V. Daly III, LCSW
Paying for chores...or fostering a caring, loving loyalty to family?
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DalyQuestion:
We are in a financial class in our church by David Ramsey and he does not believe in just giving an allowance. He says you should pay the children a commission for work. He believes then they associate work with money. He doesn't think they should just have money given to them. What do you think?

Answer:
This commonplace thinking is misguided I am afraid. If you sit down for a minute and think this through you will realize that you already know the truth. Contributing to your family is a character building privilege and should always be an act of love and loyalty in every case without exception. Children should be taught the importance of being a loving, responsible and contributing member of a FAMILY without being paid for it! Now when you sit down and think about paying your children for contributing to their family...doesn't this sound a little strange to you with this perspective considered?
In a recent research study, with a focus on looking at why young people became involved in gangs, one particular and very interesting finding emerged. From the group of young people who never became involved with gangs they found only one consistent characteristic that was dominant. All of these children who never became involved with gangs all had household responsibilities as children, where those who became involved with gangs consistently did not. Being a contributing member of a family fosters a strong sense of "belonging" that all children long for. As I have often said, I you do not foster this in your children then, someone else who you might not like very much, CERTAINLY WILL!

As far as "associating work with money" goes, this is simply and easily accomplished when all children watch Mom and Dad leave in the morning for work with no other teaching required...Children are young and innocent for a while but certainly not unaware of the realities of life around them. Let's give them a little more credit.

As a father, I contribute to my family based on loyalty, love and commitment and not for a $20 bill someone shoves into my hand. How about you? "That will be a $1.00 each labor charge for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I just made for you and your sister."  What motivation would you prefer for your child? Would you prefer in this overly materialistic world that it is CASH? My children get an allowance simply because they are members of a family that provides for all of its members needs within its means and not because a floor was vacuumed or a toilet bowl was scrubbed. Paying children for "chores" robs them of the personal sense of self worth they should be taught to feel about their value and importance as contributing members of a family.... A family that they love, care for....and belong to!
Best wishes and happiness...Richard

Richard V. Daly III, LCSW is a member of John Rosemond's panel of experts who answer questions via the Members Only website available at www.rosemond.com.  For more information on Richard and his practice, click here

Contributing Author, Martha Lindsey Hanson
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Hanson book cover     Last month, I discussed some of the parenting issues that have changed the way that children interact with society. This month, my attention turns toward electronic media use by young children.  As the number of computer-based instructional programs in preschool and elementary programs grows, so does the number of orthopedic, ophthalmologic, psychological and psychiatric diagnoses among young children. Cases of childhood obesity, as well as instances of postural problems in children are increasing. Ergonomics appropriate for the smaller stature of young children are rarely seen in the design of computer work-stations. Diagnoses of carpal tunnel syndrome are increasing, within the pediatric population. "Nintendo thumb" or "Nintendinitis" has occurred frequently enough to have coined these new terms to describe the orthopedic problems resulting from over-use of video games. "Text message injury" is one of the most recent disorders seen by physicians, and is caused by over-use of cell phones, Blackberries and similar small electronic devices. Visual fatigue and similar vision problems are diagnosed with increased frequency by ophthalmologists treating children who spend large amounts of time in front of display screens each week.
     One can find a vast assortment of "interactive" electronic devices and computer software programs heralded to teach each and every academic skill. Interactive electronics, at best, can be programmed to monitor responses, adjust the pace of instruction accordingly and reinforce correct answers; at best, these devices are poor substitutes for dynamic teacher-student interaction. Because electronic devices are unable to perceive, they are limited in their effectiveness. They cannot, for example, interpret a child's facial expressions and body language. They are unable to reward children with affection. They are not able to detect shifts in attention, nor re-direct attention before it drifts further. They cannot acknowledge "partial correctness" in a child's responses, by allowing the child to explain his reasoning process; therefore, electronic devices reward only correct responses, rather than good thinking.
     In higher elementary grades and in middle schools and high schools, there is increasing evidence that computer functions such as cut-and-paste encourage students spew facts without assimilating them, to plagiarize, and to view ideas as separate entities that have no relation to other ideas. Children often indicate that they have no understanding of the things they have themselves "written." Researchers have revealed a preponderance of evidence that computer use in elementary grades can actually deprive children of age-appropriate educational experiences. The most important charge in elementary education is to teach children how to reason, think, and research: Once equipped with these valuable lifetime skills, they will have no problem learning computer skills later, nor will they have any difficulty learning other more complex skills and specialties.
        Despite a conspicuous lack of evidence showing that electronic devices improve student achievement, billions of dollars have been spent by schools over the past ten to fifteen years on such products. It has been noted that most achievement indicators remain flat, despite these expenditures. Any first-year business major would want to see improvements, based upon expenditures, in order to continue funding an initiative. Might there be a better use in education for those billions of dollars? Investments in tutoring, teacher training, and teacher-retention efforts are likely to offer pay-offs that far exceed those brought by investing in classroom computers.  Education has traditionally sought to produce well-rounded students. Our goals for our children have included learning to tolerate differences in people and changes in routines, ability to acclimate to various social climates, experience of compassion, use of tact and proficient communication skills, and ability to display perseverance, patience and civility, even in adversity. Education has also sought to expose children to the arts and to develop an appreciation for the arts and for nature-In recent years, many if not all of these things have been sacrificed, due to the "back-to-basics" approach advocated by No Child Left Behind and to the singly-focused use of electronic media. Might we consider that children could be better served by our retention and refinement of arts instruction in school curricula, providing an eclectic, rather than an electric, education to our students? A consensus of researchers would reply to these questions with an enthusiastic "yes." Yet, the research is being ignored. Why? Clearly there are corporate and political forces behind the electronic media surge in educational settings. Next month, we'll explore the corporate greed that is behind so much of the push for electronics use by younger and younger children.

      My book, the ABC's of Childhood-Active Play, Best Educational Practices and Consistent Discipline," researches and discusses electronic media use by children in depth.

For those interested in obtaining a copy of my book, please search by title at http://amazon.com or use the following direct link:
http://www.amazon.com/ABCs-Childhood-Educational-Consistent-Discipline/dp/143828411X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246285093&sr=1-2

Martha Lindsey Hanson,
Speech & Language Pathologist
09-15-09
October Speaking Calendar
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Hanson book cover
September 29, 2009
Sacramento, CA
Our Lady of the Assumption School and Church
For more info, call (916) 489-8958.



October 5, 2009

Charlotte, NC
Central Church of God
For more info, go to www.centralchurchofgod.org
Part 3 of 3 part parenting series

October 8, 2009
Aiken, SC
St. John's UMC
Contact 803-648-9859 for more info.  

October 10, 2009
West Columbia, SC
Dunn's Chapel Family Conference - Teaching Children on Purpose
http://www.dunnschapel.org/

October 12, 2009
Murrells Inlet, SC
Christ Church
Email Jscully003@sc.rr.com for more info.   

October 17, 2009
Aberdeen, SD
Sponsor:  Sacred Heart Church
Location:  Sacred Heart Parish Hall - 424 3rd Ave SE, Aberdeen, SD 57401
Ticket Info: 1 Session $15, 2 Sessions $25, 3 Session $30 - Lunch $5 (paid for on site)
Tickets can be purchased at the Sacred Heart Parish Office, Roncalli High School Office, and Aberdeen Central High School Office.
Child Care provided
Titles and Times:
Session 1 - 11:00am - Discipline that REALLY Works! - Part 1
Session 2 - 1:00pm - Discipline that REALLY Works! - Part 2
Session 3 - 6:00pm - Parenting the Strong Willed Child
Contact Info - Eric Gallagher 605-225-7065 ext. 21 - egallagher@parishmail.com

October 20, 2009
Centerville, OH
Spring Valley Academy
The Kettering Seventh Day Adventist Church
3939 Stonebridge Road,
Kettering, Ohio 45419
7:00 pm

October 25, 2009
Loveland, CO
Resurrection Fellowship
Doors Open - 1:30 PM
2 part workshop starting at 2 PM sharp

October 27, 2009
San Antonio, TX
Sponsor:  San Antonio Academy
Event Location:  Christ Episcopal Church
www.sa-academy.org
Please RSVP - Janice Lanford, Counselor; 210-733-7331 x 259

JUST RELEASED!  John Rosemond's The Well-Behaved Child:  Discipline that REALLY Works!  Check out this specially priced pre-order discount available for a limited time!
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Hanson book cover A parenting workshop in a book!
The biggest frustration felt by today's parents is in the area of discipline. Family psychologist, best-selling author, and parenting expert John Rosemond uses his thirty-six years of professional experience working with families to develop the quintessential "how to" book for parents. Rosemond's step-by-step program, based on biblical principles, traditional parenting approaches, and common sense, covers a wide range of discipline problems applicable to children from toddler to teen.


Sections include:
  • Essential Discipline Principles
  • Essential Discipline Tools
  • Perplexing Problems and Simple Solutions
  • Not Your Everyday Problems
  • General Questions and Answers (Troubleshooting)
Filled with real-life examples that anyone who's ever been around children can relate to, this book is sure to be one of the most valuable, helpful resources parents have ever stumbled across.

Our Price: $ 15.95 and includes John's autograph
(Compare at other websites like Amazon, Borders and Barnes & Noble.)
S & H:$4.00
Available at this price for a limited time. 

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE THE BOOK ONLY.
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BONUS!  The Well-Behaved Child Book and DVD Combo!


This package includes the following:
1.)  Book - The Well-Behaved Child:  Discipline that REALLY Works!
2.)  2-part DVD - "The Well-Behaved Child: The Keys to Effective Discipline"

DVD Description:
John Rosemond's brand new DVD series, "The Well-Behaved Child: The Keys to Effective Discipline", is a perfect video supplement to The Well Behaved Child: Discipline that REALLY Works!  
This 2-part 160-minute interactive skillshop DVD based on this book provides parents with the information and skills they need to begin making significant positive changes in their discipline style and, therefore, their children's behavior.
As usual, John laces his presentation before a live audience with humor, and plenty of it! Parents are sure to feel not only relieved of significant guilt and anxiety, but also inspired, informed, and ready to become calm, self-confident leaders of children.

Our Price: $ 34.95 and includes John's autographed book and the 2-part DVD
(Not available at other websites like Amazon, Borders and Barnes & Noble.)
S & H:$4.00
Available at this price for a limited time. 

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE THE BOOK/DVD PACKAGE. 
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If you are interested in purchasing any of the Parenting by the Book study programs, please call 770-432-0776 to place your order over the phone.  Mention "coupon from newsletter" and we will provide you a 10% discount off your entire order.  For more information on the study programs, go to www.parentingbythebook.com