News from Traditional Parenting, LLC

      Tracking changes over time in educational practices, parenting techniques, and children's personalities has become a pursuit of great interest to me as I enter my thirty-third year of a career in speech and language therapy. I have been distressed by educational practices that defy all we know about developmentally appropriate practice (DAP) and by resultant widespread, early "burnout" of young children. I am not alone in this observation. Recently, I had a local pediatrician ask me if I know of any resources that track curriculum changes over the past three decades, noting changes across time among his young patients in what is being taught and when. Several pediatricians with whom I have worked have noted an increased number of young children requiring treatment for anxiety and depression, perhaps related to current trends that impose academics upon children before they are developmentally ready.
     Electronic media usage by children is another area that must be examined when comparing contemporary children to those of generations past. The physical and psychological effects of excessive and inappropriate electronics use by young children are just now becoming measurable.
     Parenting strategies and techniques have changed dramatically over the past few generations also, and have undoubtedly had significant effects upon children's personalities.
     My curiosities and interest in these matters led me to research further and to recently write a book that discusses these three major issues in the lives of contemporary children, premature academics, electronic media usage, and parenting changes. "The ABC's of Childhood-Active Play, Best Educational Practices and Consistent Discipline" is currently available on Amazon.com. Below, is an excerpt from that book:
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      In the popular book and movie, "The Perfect Storm," conditions of nature converged to create a monstrous and catastrophic storm, bigger than the sum of its parts. This provides the perfect analogy for the collision of contemporary parenting and educational philosophies with the video age. A generational storm has been created, raining with children who have been taught to value all things external. The electronics and toy markets have facilitated this, as have indulgent parents, and the result is a widespread attitude of expectancy and entitlement among today's youth.
     About the same time that children's television programming began changing, a preponderance of pop-psychology magazines emerged. With the popularity of self-help books, many of which contained valuable information for people coping with increasingly stressful lives, the fad and enthusiasm for mass-marketed psychology grew. Books such as I'm Okay, You're Okay and similar titles flew off shelves as people increasingly faced tough life situations, such as divorce, single-parent homes and blended families, economic strains, international crises and the burdens of war. Family dysfunctions, previously cloaked in privacy, were brought to light. Shame was exposed as a psychologically disruptive force. People felt liberated as they spoke openly about their personal problems, familial idiosyncrasies, sexual and moral beliefs. A new-found focus upon self emerged-what do I want, need, feel, and think? Self-denial and delayed gratification, the ways of previous generations, were viewed as archaic and masochistic, and those who did not give themselves exactly what they wanted when they wanted it were seen as lacking in self-worth. In fact, many of us blamed our parents for our perceived repression, citing their rigid enforcement of rules and strict discipline as reasons for our low self images.
     As the children of the sixties and seventies grew to adulthood and began having children of their own, they were ripe for the information appearing in various new-to-market parenting magazines. These publications touted positive reinforcement, damned the use of negative or punitive behavior management techniques and prioritized the self-expression of children above all else. Though well intentioned, these principles were often poorly understood and interpreted, used indiscriminately, and implemented to the exclusion of all other parenting philosophies, resulting in the loss of common sense parenting. Children came to be viewed as "little adults." The word "no" was considered overly restrictive and threatening to children's self- expression and esteem. Therefore, if children chose to eat their mashed potatoes with their fingers, it was perceived by parents as self-expression. Why should parents correct something so trivial? To say, "No-no-we do not eat with our fingers-use your spoon" was deemed too negative and a potential source of embarrassment for children. "Would you like to use your spoon?" we asked, in our most non-threatening, lilting voices? "No? Okay then-we will wash your hands when you are finished". This example is admittedly an over-simplified one, but it characterizes the ways in which children's assured happiness became a greater parental responsibility than the teaching of right from wrong. I am not encouraging didactic enforcement of needless rules and regulations, but rather the use of common sense. Quite simply, some things are just wrong-clearly, in our culture, eating mashed potatoes with one's fingers is not an appropriate social skill. It does not display good manners. It is not the accepted standard when dining with others. It requires correction. Granted, some of our grandparents' rules may now be archaic, as they have vanished from society at large-For example, elbows on the table, once a big no-no, is barely thought about around family dinner tables today-enforcement of that "rule" is a matter of parental preference-however, eating with one's hands, chewing with one's mouth open-these things are not likely to be acceptable in any social context and should be addressed and corrected. Willful continued practice of these bad manners by a child after correction by a parent requires a negative consequence, since the behavior itself is no longer the only transgression, but has been compounded by the child's defiance.
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     In future newsletter contributions, I plan to discuss the effects of electronic media upon young children, the pitfalls of the current No Child Left Behind legislation, and the "academania" that has infiltrated our nation's preschools. For those interested in obtaining a copy of my book, please search by title at http://amazon.com or use the following direct link:
http://www.amazon.com/ABCs-Childhood-Educational-Consistent-Discipline/dp/143828411X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246285093&sr=1-2
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Martha Lindsey Hanson
08-15-09