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Dear Traditional Parent Newsletter Recipient:
Welcome to the new Traditional Parent monthly newsletter! This is a recent expansion of of www.rosemond.com so please tell your family and friends to go to the homepage of www.rosemond.com to sign up! Our goal is to provide you John Rosemond articles and content and keep you informed of John's speaking schedule and new product availability.
Many of you have requested to subscribe to the Traditional Parent magazine. Well, I have great news for you! As soon as we have enough people registered to receive this e-newsletter then we are going to re-launch Traditional Parent magazine! So look for more details on how to subscribe at a later date.
We hope you enjoy this first addition and as the months go by, we will expand John's newsletter more and more so be patient with us these first few months as we continually improve the information we provide you. All future issues will have John Rosemond articles, Q&A, and other information from our panel of experts and even articles written by readers just like you!
Thanks for your continued support!
Katharine Sanford
Traditional Parenting, LLC
P.S. Along with this e-subscription, you will receive John's column every Tuesday morning.
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The 2009 Parent Retreats are filling up fast!
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 Do you want to receive some "one on one" time with John Rosemond? Sign up for a parent retreat or inquiry about hosting one in your area. (Click here for more details about hosting a parent retreat.)
We are scheduled to have a parent retreat in Sacramento, CA and Columbia, SC in April. Click on each city for more info.
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Parenting by the Book wins 2009 Mom's Choice Award!
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John's book, Parenting by the Book, wins a Gold 2009 Mom's Choice Award!
Click on the award seal for more information about the Mom's Choice Awards.
For more information on Parenting by the Book, go to www.parentingbythebook.com.
New product availability!
John has just released the "Individual Parenting by the Book Study Program" for singles and couples. This package is available exclusively at the Rosemond bookstore. It includes a 90 minute John Rosemond presentation on raising children using biblical principles and two Parenting by the Book books. This is only available at www.rosemond.com. |
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John's Column - Week of 3/17/09
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Living With Children
John Rosemond
Copyright 2009, John K. Rosemond
I don't know about you, but I'm ready for the 1960s to be over and done with. That destructive decade has ruled American parenting for forty years and pretty well ruined it in the process.
Before the '60s, parents sought child rearing advice from their elders. Since then, parents have sought advice from a professional class-which is to say, people like me. Courtesy of Dr. Joyce Brothers (Spock had nothing to do with it, really) we so-called "experts" were able to convince the American parent of a truly absurd proposition: to wit, that a 35-year-old who possesses a graduate degree in child psychology, has been married for five years, and has one child, age two, knows more about children and how to raise them properly than an 85-year-old woman who never finished the eighth grade but who raised ten kids into successful adulthoods. Like I said, absurd.
I was driving (creeping is more like it) down the 405 in Los Angeles the other day, getting really worked up about all this. Instead of road rage, which is justifiable in Los Angeles, I was having an attack of psychobabble rage. I started thinking about the really dumb things the babblers began telling parents in the 1960s. Take, for example, "children need to be able to freely express their feelings." In 1969, when Willie and I became parents, we believed that. It took three years for us to snap out of it, but by then our first child ruled our family with his habit of freely and loudly expressing his feelings whenever we failed to obey him.
It took a while, but I finally realized that children should not be allowed to freely express anything. The natural inclination of the child is anti-social, narcissistic. Children believe that what they want, they deserve to have, and because they deserve it, the ends justify the means. Tyrants believe the same thing. Therefore, children are tyrants by nature. Give a tyrant/child an inch, and the tyrant/child will demand a mile.
Parents show their love for their neighbors by forcing their children to subdue their "inner bullies" and show respect for the needs of others. And yes, force is required. You cannot talk a child into giving up his delusions of grandeur and omnipotence. Once force has succeeded in creating a child who will give his parents his undivided attention, then and only then can his parents teach. Force is the horse that pulls the cart of teaching. And before the child abuse zealots go nuts, allow me to clarify: I ain't talking about spanking (although I am not completely eliminating the option either). The most effective parenting force is applied calmly, but with steely resolve.
Just as a child should learn that certain behavior is inappropriate to certain situations, a child should learn that the expression of certain feelings in inappropriate to certain situations. Children should learn that it is just plain wrong to get mad when one loses a game, laugh when someone else trips, or cry when one doesn't get one's way. Just as a child's behavior must be disciplined, so must a child's feelings.
So must a child's thinking. Children should learn that certain thoughts are correct and other thoughts are wrong. After all, wrong thinking leads almost inevitably to wrong behavior. On all three counts-behavior, feelings, and thinking-parents need to be unequivocal. They need to make themselves perfectly clear what they expect and what they will not tolerate.
Yes, American parents need to wake up from the 1960s, take the flowers out of their hair, roll up their shirtsleeves, and get back to the work of raising good citizens, defined simply as people who would rather serve than be served, people with more other-esteem than self-esteem.
Now there's some change I could really believe in.
Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.
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