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Relationship Newsletter 

Volume 2 2009 Issue 25

Publisher and Creator - Pastor T C Brantley

Editor-in-Chief - Tyrone Waters 
 
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CDC Report Rise in STDs

American squeamishness about talking about sex has helped keep common sexually transmitted infections far too common, especially among vulnerable teens, U.S. researchers reported Monday.
Latest statistics on chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis show the three highly treatable infections continue to spread in the United States.
 
Soaring Rates
The CDC's latest study on STDs found:
* 1.2 million cases of chlamydia were reported in 2008, up from 1.1 million in 2007.
* Nearly 337,000 cases of gonorrhea were reported.
* Adolescent girls 15 to 19 years had the most chlamydia and gonorrhea cases of any age group at 409,531.
* Blacks, who represent 12 percent of the U.S. population, accounted for about 71 percent of reported gonorrhea cases and almost half of all chlamydia and syphilis cases in 2008.
* Black women 15 to 19 had the highest rates of chlamydia and gonorrhea.
* 13,500 syphilis cases were reported in 2008, an almost 18 percent increase from 2007.
* 63 percent of syphilis cases were among men who have sex with men.
* Syphilis rates among women increased 36 percent from 2007 to 2008.

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Is it wrong to spank your children?

To answer this question, I must go to the word of God. The word of God says spare the rod and spoil the child.  Also, when you discipline your child, do not do it with anger full of bitterness.  Here are some Bible verses concerning disciplining your children (All verses are in New International Version): 

Proverbs 10:13
"Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks judgment."
 
Proverbs 13:24
"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."
 
Proverbs 22:15
 "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him."
 
Proverbs 23:13-14
"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.  Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death."
 
Ephesians 6:4
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
More Fathers Are Getting Custody in Divorce


Working Mother Magazine published a package of articles on Tuesday called "Lost Custody," about the new reality of divorce and child custody for working mothers.
It is filled with tales of women who were the primary earners in a marriage, and who watched their husbands gain primary physical custody of their children when the marriage ended. There are now 2.2 million divorced women in the United States who do not have primary physical custody of their children, and an estimated 50 percent of fathers who seek such custody in a disputed divorce are granted it.
 
Success in marriage hinges on consistent performance of six key habits.

HABIT #1 - GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE
HABIT #2 - CREATE MUTUALLY SATISFYING LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP RITUALS 
HABIT #3 - CREATE A SAFE PLACE TO DISCUSS ISSUES OPENLY AND HONESTLY
 
HABIT #4 - USE GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS TO RESOLVE HOT ISSUES

HABIT #5 - CONSTANTLY TURN TOWARD EACH OTHER, RATHER THAN AWAY

HABIT #6 - INFUSE YOUR LIVES WITH SHARED MEANING
 
If you don't have a church home we invite you to
 
Restoration Springs Interdenominational Church 1575 Thomaston Avenue in Waterbury.

www.rest.org
 
If you need baby blessings please contact me at 203-753-7377 or officiate weddings go to  - S & M (Strong Marriages)
 
http://rest.org/SandMplus.htm

Remember In the Book of Ecclesiastes chapter 4 and verse 12 (Bible)
"And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."  

TRANSLATION (With only husband and wife the commitment can easily fail, but with God, husband, and wife the cord of commitment is not quickly broken.)


Pastor TC Brantley
Restoration Springs Interdenominational Church 
 
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Can I use cuss words in the bedroom  when having sex with my spouse?

Whatever the husband and wife say to each other in the bedroom during the heat of passion, is your business and should stay in your bedroom.  Just do not go on telling others what you say to your spouse when you are in the bedroom; that should be intimate between the two of you. 
Why won't rappers rap about marriage?

Irreplaceable. That's pretty much the length of commitment our music and lifestyle promotes. The mindset that people and relationships are disposable is the anti-thesis of marriage and commitment. Beyonce and Jay know that their public personae don't match their private one, yet I, like Jozen Cummings at The Root.com, cannot forgive them for not being more conscious about their lyrics. They know the state of black America-they grew up with us-yet they still promote men as soldiers and providers, and the sexes as in complete competition, and opposition, with one another. Know your target audience. Who are your most important customers, clients or prospects, and why?
 
Solving Your Marital Problems- What Couples Should Know

It is easy to get married but keeping a marriage is hard especially now that people think that divorce is an easy solution. It is sad to know that the rate of divorce is increasing maybe because people think it is an easy way out. If things did not work out, they can always get divorced. If you do not want to suffer the pain of divorce, solving your marital problems is an option that you have to learn. Here are some tips:
Figure out the problems in your marriage. Of course before solving your marital problems, you have to recognize the problems in your marriage. Pinpoint the source of arguments and misunderstanding in your marriage. It could be issues in money; lack of time with each other or the demands of your job is affecting your marriage. If the problems are identified, then it is easier to find the effective ways of solving your marital problems.

Stop blaming. Blaming each other is not a good way of solving marital problems. Blaming will just make the situation worse and may jeopardize the chances of fixing your marriage. You have to accept that you cannot control or change your spouse, it is better to acknowledge your contribution to the problem and change yourself.  Let your spouse realize his or her mistakes and decide to change for the better.
My wife keeps blaming her abusive life on her household and will not seek help. What can I do?

I advise that you encourage your wife to seek help by using the following analogy: Similar to how she seeks advice from her doctor when she has physical problems, she must seek a counselor when she has past relationship problems (such as her past abusive life or dysfunctional childhood-household).  If she is unable to resolve her past relationship problems, such problems of the past will become a barrier and prevent her from fully loving you.  Such unresolved problems will be a hindrance to your marriage.  Therefore, to avoid prolonged marital strife, positive change will begin to happen when you both take that step to seeking a marital counselor.  Marital counseling will be beneficial to both of you because you will begin to have an understanding of each others past; in doing so, you will be able to learn from each others past mistakes in order to not make those same mistakes in the present.   
Woman Who Has 300 Orgasms a Day Meets Dream Man

A WOMAN with a medical condition that gives her 300 orgasms a day has found a man of her dreams after she wore out a string of boyfriends. Michelle Thompson, who suffers from Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome, thought she was just too demanding for men and would never find the man of her dreams.
But she has been with her neighbour Andrew Carr, 32, for the past six months and he's as keen for sexual intercourse as she is and they make love 10 times a day.
"Andrew has changed my life. I'm no longer looking for a cure for my orgasms - I've found it," Michelle told The News of the World newspaper in the UK.
 
Why you should never cohabitate 

The Frisky) -- There are only two reasons why I'd move in and live with another girlfriend. We're married and determined to fill a sweatshop with our nimble-fingered love critters. Or she cracks me in the head with a shovel, sews my mouth shut, replaces my eyeballs with marbles, and sits my stuffed body in the corner.

Whatever you do, don't move in with your boyfriend.
What? It's too late? Sweet Zeus, Odin, and Quetzalcoatl, winged serpent god of the Aztecs!
I hope your cohabitation doesn't end the way two (two!) of mine did -- with helicopters launching off the roof amidst tornadoes of debris and smoke, a single individual hanging off the skids, flipping the bird to the person whose name is on the lease.
 
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SINGLES SEMINAR - HEALING FROM THE PAST
 
DECEMBER 12 2009
 
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Hear DJ Buck and Nancy on (November 19th) with invited guest Pastor TC.
 
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9 Success Factors after Saying "I Do"

The following is a report on the practical applications of Dan Seaborn and Peter Newhouse's new book, The Necessary Nine: How to Stay Happily Married for Life!, (Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2007). Now that you've found your spouse, you want to stay together the rest of your lives, enjoying a happy marriage. But good intentions alone aren't enough to get you there. After you say "I do," there are some things you must do to build a great marriage.
Here are nine factors that will help you and your spouse enjoy a happy marriage that lasts:
 
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Learning How To Overcome Trust Issues
What To Do When Your Trust Has Been Violated 
 
Having trust issues is a debilitating component of relationships. From suspicion to outright dread toward your current significant other, trust problems can destroy relationships. How does one overcome trust traumas from the past? What does it mean to have trust issues that affect every aspect of life? These are just a couple of the questions you may have if you have been taken advantage of to the point of seemingly no return.

A Definition of Distrust: Looking At Trust Issues
In order to understand issues of trust, we must first understand what trust really means. According to the dictionary, the definition of trust "implies instinctive unquestioning belief in and reliance upon something." This may sound like a hefty emotional order, however, it is absolutely vital for our well being that we are able to find this sort of unquestioning expectation in some area of our life, be it family, friends or lovers. Many may read this statement and point out that the word "unquestioning" is difficult to swallow. Our human nature combined with our sometimes hurtful environment and society challenges us to question the good intentions of people continually throughout our lives. Integrity is always a cheap trade for the various scams and selfish motivations of the people in this world. 
 
My wife expresses anger through foul language. What should I do?

The Bible says in James 3:10 that cursing and blessing should not come from the same mouth.  This scripture makes a great point; there is no way you can be blessed while cursing your spouse even in the heat of an argument.  If anything, remember that you are both joint heirs. In other words, whatever you do to your spouse will affect the person.  Therefore, stop speaking negatively into your spouse's life and speak positive and powerful things such as love and forgiveness.  
My What happens when my husband does not want sex?

This is a very important question. You have to examine the physical, emotional or past issues of your husband.  You must also look at current issues. For example, If you often turn down and discourage his intimate fantasies he would like to fulfill with you, he may become discouraged and may go the polar direction and not want to make love with you (due to his past discouraging attempts); this is not good for the husband or wife because it will put a strain on the physical intimacy of the marriage.  Furthermore, encourage your husband to seek a doctor to see if he has physical problems or any illness that may affect his sexual performance; also, in order to show your support, be willing to go with him to his doctor appointment(s). 
Sex Pill to Help Women's Desire Shows Promise
 
In what is being hailed by some as the female Viagra, a new drug that failed to make it to market as an antidepressant is showing some hope for low libido in women.  
 
A new antidepressant dramatically increases women's sexual drive.
In a multi-nation study made public Monday, the drug flibanserin appeared to increase desire and sexual satisfaction in women by several measures by modulating serotonin and other neurotransmitters.
Unlike Viagra, which is used to treat male erectile dysfunction by increasing blood flow to the genitals, this drug acts on the woman's brain to enhance mood.
Lead researchers from University of Ottawa -- underwritten by Boehringer Ingelheim Pharmaceuticals -- say the drug is effective in treating a newly coined condition known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) or lack of libido. 

MORE INFOR
Relationship and Marriage(Pre & Post) Coaching available with Pastor TC (M. Div). Call 203-753-7377 for scheduling. There is presently an opening for new clients.
 
Its time to have a Marriage Coach in your life to either enhance or help you get through the many experiences that marriage brings. Call Coach TC today and schedule your first appointment.
 
There are many ways to improve your marriage through
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