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Relationship Newsletter 

Volume 2 2009 Issue 20
In This Issue
Marriage Issues
Sponsors


Restoration Springs Church
Sponsors LAS Productions


Faithblasts Keeing the community connected
 
CT Style
 
 
Watch Pastor TC on Connecticut Sttyle.

What Do you Do when you find your mate has lied to marry you (Questions from Randolph, MA Marriage Enrichment 072209)
 
When you find out the spouse was a liar and will not admit to it, you may have grounds for a divorce.  Because your mate lied, you did not see the real person but instead a false portrayal.  If your mate admits to his/her lies and repents, then you can forgive and continue within the relationship but if he/she stays enmeshed in the lies then "Houston We have a PROBLEM!" 
Old Newsletters


Archive Copies of Newsletter
 
Does God CAre
 Bring Your Hopes, Doubts and Questions 
 
 
It's the question in our hearts when things go wrong-when we're abandoned, disappointed, hurt, when there is injustice in the world. Does God exist? Did He just leave us here on our own? How could He be good and yet allow evil? At Restoration Springs Church we're inviting you to join us as we tackle the tough questions-and the doubts-head-on. This weekend, come explore a relationship with the God who cares.
The number one predictor of divorce?
 
If asked what the number one predictor of divorce might be, most people would probably answer that it would have to do with financial matters, or infidelity.  While both of these are, in fact, often cited as key initiators in divorce, a more general predictor can be identified....  the habitual avoidance of conflict.

Researchers have spent many years trying to identify those elements of relationships that would predict certain results and one common thread of unhappy couples that get divorced appears to be the misguided belief that a happy marriage is a conflict-free marriage.  

There is a cartoon that voiced this very well; a husband and wife are sitting in front of a marriage counselor and the wife is explaining: "We never talk anymore. We figured out that's when we do all our fighting." 
 
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If he stops, What Will you do, Wives?
Chapter from "Married Couples: Thou Shalt have Great Sex" 
 
It is unfair and wrong for a wife to tell her man to stop a sexual vice and then withhold sex from him when he decides
to make the wife his only sexual desire. I understand, wives,
it may take a while for you to forgive him and trust him, but after a while, if you see his dedication, then you must turn the page. Some wives just have no heart. For a wife to
turn down requests for sex and not make herself sexually available to her husband is just plain wrong once the
change in the husband is permanent. Do I dare ask, did he turn to a sexual vice because you turned off the sexual
power that God gave you? I do not justify any wrong of the husband toward a wife, but if the husband makes the
change, the wife must relent.

I have counseled many wives who wanted their
husbands to stop sexual vices, but after the man stopped his vice, some of the wives did nothing, and I mean nothing. In fact, some of them became less sexual, and, on top of that, dared the husband to perform the sexual vice again. This does not compute. This will not work.
 
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Married Couple - Book Cover
Affects of an absent father
 
There is an extreme emotional pain children face when they grow up without their father in their lives.  I believe men who choose to distance themselves from their children are not worthy of carrying the manhood-banner.  For the absente fathers who are reading this newsletter, I pray they will step up and include themselves within their children's lives.  Once this is done, we will begin to see a change within the life and spirit of the American landscape because men have stepped up to be in their children's lives.
Excerpt of "New Sheets"
 
This is not a book with dos and don'ts of sex acts. In contrast, this book will hopefully get married couples talking
about sex. Because God has given married couples drives of
the flesh, individuals must learn to temper their drives according to their marital status. It's quite simple. If a couple
is not married, there is no sex. If a couple is married, they can
have all the sex they consent to based on prior mutual agreements. This is important because couples are still in their fleshly space suits. Food and sex are drives that must be
touched, handled, and fed. When someone is single, sexual flesh can't be pleased, but after marriage, all bets are off, and the time has come to please the flesh. This book is a bridge
that helps couples cross from single to married mind frames in
relation to sex. Married couples are holy already when they have coitus. This will be the major drumbeat throughout this
book. Things that are within limits and off-limits are truly up to the couple as they search their hearts. The only limits are adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, etc. Everything else is based on communication that the couple must work out
together.
 

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FOGHORM
 
 
Wives use your sixth sense.  If your husband says or does something that gives you an uneasy feeling, let him know how you are feeling.  Too often, a wife internalizes such uneasy feelings and says nothing about it to her husband.  Wives, communicate such feelings to your husband. Communication is a key component in addressing and overcoming issues within the marriage. 
Can a Husband Demand More Respect if his wife makes more money than he does? (Questions from Randolph, MA Marriage Enrichment 072209)  
 
This situation may be tough for some men to deal with.  However, I advise men to humble themselves and thank God that they have a woman who can make a significant contribution to the relationship financially.  I advise the wife to never be condescending or degrading towards her husband just because she makes more money than him.  A married couple should not fight over who makes more, but instead encourage one another to excel to their fullest financial potential (no matter who makes more).   
 

Thank you to my editor-in-chief Tyrone Waters.

Furthermore, if you don't have a church home we invite you to
 
Restoration Springs Interdenominational Church 1575 Thomaston Avenue in Waterbury.

www.rest.org
 
If you need baby blessings please contact me at 203-753-7377 or officiate weddings go to  - S & M (Strong Marriages)
 
http://rest.org/SandMplus.htm

Remember In the Book of Ecclesiastes chapter 4 and verse 12 (Bible)
"And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."  

TRANSLATION (With only husband and wife the commitment can easily fail, but with God, husband, and wife the cord of commitment is not quickly broken.)


Pastor TC Brantley
Restoration Springs Interdenominational Church 
 
Make a Donation
 
 
 
Relationships
News
Stan Simpson
 
Pastor TC with Stan Simpson and Jackie Brantley(wife). Recent interview will be on this Sunday at 10am.
 
 wtic tapping
ASSUME
 
You should never assume anything about your spouse, because assumptions give false perceptions of the individual.  An assumption is created when a spouse believes something to be true about one's mate without any evidence.  Many times assumptions are created because of lack of communication.  Thus, if you want to know something about your mate, ask him/her and do not assume; such communication will strengthen the relationship and you will not be ignorant of each others needs.
 
Testosterone Spray for Women's Libido?Rule (Reprint WebMD)
 
 
April 15, 2008 -- Spraying a little testosterone on the belly may help slightly boost a woman's libido, but a spritz of -- well, nothing -- seems to do the job just as well.

An Australian-based study investigating whether low levels of the hormone testosterone plays a role in premenopausal sexual dissatisfaction shows that in most cases a placebo (fake drug) improves a woman's sexual satisfaction as much as a testosterone spray.

Testosterone is most often recognized as a male sex hormone, but it plays an important role in a woman's healthy sexual function. A woman's testosterone level peaks during her 20s, and then starts to decline.

Many women report decreased sexual interest, arousal, and pleasure prior to menopause, but few treatment options exist. Testosterone replacement therapy appears to improve a woman's sexual satisfaction after menopause, but whether it can do the same in premenopausal women remains unclear.
 
60 / 40 Rule
Chapter from "Married Couples: Thou Shalt have Great Sex" 
 
 
Many couples have no idea how much their parents have affected them both negatively and positively.
Before you walk down the aisle and say, "I do," your parents have already taught you a way of thinking about
and acting in marriage. Be aware of this and be careful. In other words, before you build a marriage you must see,
interpret, and adjust the things you saw as a child-how your parents interacted within the marriage. Regardless if
you grew up in a traditional or nontraditional household,
you will still have internal issues to debate. Ideally, you will wrestle with these issues BEFORE you walk down the aisle.
Too many times, married couples fight unresolved battles inherited from their parents.

You would be surprised at how automatically you
become your father or mother during an argument. Many couples do this because they: 1) do what they learned as children and 2) are more comfortable or at ease acting like their role models-father or mother-in difficult times. We fail to understand that just as PHYSICAL attributes (nose, eyes, and hairline) link families together, so do EMOTIONAL attributes link families together.
 
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Married Couple - Book Cover
                                    
 
Back to Church
 
 
Come Back to Church This Weekend!
 
Do you ever feel disconnected and alone? Would you like to be a part of a real community of friends who go through life together? Then try church at Restoration Springs Church this Sunday. Here you will find friendly people striving for a better life, live upbeat music and a focus on living life with a purpose. Join us and see what church has to offer!  
The Science Behind Romance
As it turns out, the "chemistry" between two people really matters when it comes to picking a mate (Reprint WEBMD) 

 
When we're looking for love, we often look for specific characteristics: a sense of humor, perhaps, or financial solvency and kindness. But sometimes we fall in love "at first sight." Take the case of Lila Sumin, who figured out she'd met her future husband after only a few hours. "I came home from our first date and told my parents he was the one," says Sumin, 71, who lives in Los Angeles. Those initial feelings were spot on for Sumin, happily married now for 50 years to that man. But how, in such short order, could she have known?

"Chemistry" between two people, it turns out, literally matters when it comes to picking a mate. While many factors influence our choices, "we are drawn to certain people not only for cultural reasons, such as socioeconomics, intelligence, and values, but also for biological reasons," says Helen Fisher, PhD, a cultural anthropologist from Rutgers University and author of a new book, Why Him? Why Her?
 
When a Man's Sex Drive Is Too Low 
 
 
Men. High sex drive. Panting sexual animals. We know what they want. And we know when they want it: right now.

Even doctors tend to see men as "sexual automatons," hardwired always to want sex, says pioneering sex researcher Irwin Goldstein, MD, director of sexual medicine at San Diego's Alvarado Hospital and editor in chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. "But that is not the case at all," Goldstein tells WebMD Magazine. "Many, many men -- about one in five --have such low sexual desire they'd rather do almost anything else than have sex."
"There are always men on both sides of the normal curve," Goldstein says. "And a certain percentage -- perhaps up to a quarter -- will be considered to have HSDD for a whole host of reasons." These include:

Psychological issues
Medical problems
Hormonal causes
Low dopamine levels
 
Natural Remedies for Erectile Dysfunction
 
Experts give their take on remedies such as ginseng, acupuncture, and pomegranate juice.

 
From acupuncture to arginine, from ginseng to pomegranate juice, men have tried all sorts of natural remedies for erectile dysfunction (ED) -- which doctors define as the repeated inability to get or maintain an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse. But are these alternative remedies safe? Do they really work?

The scientific evidence to support the use of natural remedies for impotence is sketchy; many of the studies that seem to give the remedies a thumbs-up were so poorly designed that their findings are suspect. 
 
How to Stop Fighting: Tips for Married Couples
 
 
Becky Robbins says she and her husband, Neil -- married for eight years -- rarely fight.

That doesn't mean that there isn't conflict for the Berrien Springs, Mich., couple. It's just that she screams "kind of like the queen in Alice in Wonderland," uttering phrases reminiscent of "off with their heads." And her husband responds like most guys in marriage fighting. He hides in "the bedroom playing video games."

This isn't what we envisioned as we clutched hands as newlyweds and sneered at those older couples who ate in silence at the Waffle House. But the reality is, you're probably going to have marital disputes. And each of us have our own style of fighting, stepping into the ring ready for a knock-out over the toothpaste in the sink, wrinkled laundry in the dryer or appropriate television for the toddler.
 
Info & More
Pastor TC on Radio
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Hear DJ Buck and Nancy on TODAY in having invited guest Pastor TC.
 
To hear previous shows go to Archive
 
Click to read some of the accomplishments of Pastor TC.  All to the glory of God.

Move Forward
 
These are tough, uncertain times, filled with rapid changes that can shake our future, and our faith. If you have ever longed for a simpler time when things made sense and there was hope in something greater, come join us at Restoration Springs Interdenominational Church. Here we look past today's bad news, return to simple values and work toward a brighter future. Join us this weekend and be a part of a community that cares for one another.
No valley (divorce or reconcile)
 
 
Divorce is the last thing a troubled couple should do AFTER counseling. HOWEVER, if the couple decides to divorce, the couple should be sure with the decision.  In the case of divorce, it is not good to be in a state of limbo.  The point is to get out of the valley of limbo and find one's self either in the camp of reconciliation or the camp of divorce. However, to stay in the valley of indecision is unfair to both parities. Whether you divorce or reconcile, find out what you did wrong so you will not repeat it.  Secondly, if you do reconcile, get a COUNSELOR to help you through the reconciliation process.
Excerpt
from "Real Men Don't Have Closets"  
 
GIANT PANDA

The female panda has a two- or three-day window in which she can get pregnant within
a year. The name of the game for a male
panda is timing. Timing is a companion of
communication. You can speak to your wife, but if the timing is off, you will not get a great opening in the end.

The male panda has to wait. Husbands, yes there are times we have to wait for the right time and place to make our move. A wife may
not hate a quickie, but not ALL THE TIME. A wife wants to know that you think she is worth the time. Many husbands will attest to the time when the wife took a long time to get dressed
for something. Yet after you waited, you were blessed with a beautiful creature.

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 7Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them 

It's the rare couple that doesn't, sooner or later, run into a few bumps in the road. If you recognize ahead of time what those relationship problems can be, you'll have a much better chance of weathering the storm, experts say.

Ideally, a couple should discuss certain basic issues -- such as money, sex, and kids -- before they decide to start their life together. Of course, even when you do discuss these issues beforehand, marriage (or a long-term, live-in relationship) is nothing like you think it's going to be. 
 
Problems include:
 
-Communication
-Sex
-Money
-Struggles Over Home Chores
-Not Prioritizing Your Relationship
-Conflict
-Trust
 
Excerpt from "Successful Marriages for Successful Men"
 
Another Point About Women


The first doctor to deal with this was Dr. Samuel Howard Monell, who talked about the pelvic massage, but the so-called inventor of the vibrator was Joseph Mortimer Gransville. In the 1920s, the vibrator moved from the doctor's office to the bedroom.

In the Victorian age, women were told to ignore their sexual needs and only be caught up in their
husbands' needs and birthing babies. It was not proper for women to have orgasms. And such mind frames have stayed with us even unto this day.

Climax is a natural thing from the Lord. I believe
some men may be having climax envy. For some reason, God made woman multi-orgasmic. In other
words, a wife can have multi-orgasms.However, a man, especially as he gets older, can have only one orgasm to her many.

Because of this point, men have become restrictive and placed that restriction on women. Instead of being envious of this point, men should just enjoy ride with their wives. A husband should say, in
essence, I made my wife enjoy the time of her life and I was the author of it. And, men, you never know, seeing your wives have fun might fuel the energy in you to climax again as well.

Brothers, within the confines of your marriage, you
MUST make your wife orgasm BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. When I say any means, I do NOT include another person. Only you and her are in the
room.
 
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Iron Chastity belt
 
Singles that spend most of the relationship arguing need to assess whether they should move forward within the relationship.  A key component in working out the relationship is that both individuals must be willing to work through the issues.  If only one person in the relationship is attempting to work through the issues, it is similar to bumping into a chastity belt because the other individual is not open to working through the issues.  One person alone cannot force the relationship to work.  If your mate's heart remains hard, let him/her go, pray for him/her and let God work on him/her.  If it is God's will, his/her heart will be open for positive change.  This time apart should also allow you to reflect on how you could have done things differently or better within the relationship.  Even if the relationship isn't restored, you can use your learned insights within your next relationship.   
Fall in love by mind and not body 
 
Too many husbands just have sex on their minds; and overlook foreplay.  For a husband to succeed in getting his wife in the mood for sex, he must focus on foreplay in and outside of the bedroom.  Therefore, husbands, I advise you to focus on the kissing, the cuddling, and talking sweetly to her (i.e. telling her she is beautiful) and I guarantee that she will be in the mood for making love with you.    
What do you do when your spouse does not listen? (Questions from Randolph, MA Marriage Enrichment 072209)

This is when you must get in CSI-mode (investigate) and find out why your spouse is not listening to you.  First of all, your tone (i.e. loving or rude) you use with your spouse will determine how responsive he/she will be towards you.  Therefore, you must focus on your presentation towards your spouse.  Once you have the proper presentation, then it is your mate's responsibility to recognize the importance of listening to you.  Being a good listener requires one to be unselfish in order to clearly understand one's mate.  When your spouse listens to you, let him/her know you appreciate it by expressing words of appreciation and/or your actions of affection.  Such encouragement will increase your spouse's attentiveness when you speak.   
Relationship and Marriage(Pre & Post) Coaching available with Pastor TC (M. Div). Call 203-753-7377 for scheduling. There is presently an opening for new clients.
 
Its time to have a Marriage Coach in your life to either enhance or help you get through the many experiences that marriage brings. Call Coach TC today and schedule your first appointment.
 
There are many ways to improve your marriage through
Strong Marriages
 
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2.Radio - Listen to Coach TC on 93.7FM every other Thursday
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7. Hour Long counseling - Call 753-7377
8. Two-Hour Long Counseling - Call 753-7377
9. VIP Group Counseling Session - Call 753-7377
10. Corporate Relationship Training
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