Rose with thorns 
 
 
Pastor TC (M. Div) Relationship Newsletter 

Rose with Thorns

With every prickly stem there is a beautiful ROSE.
Volume 1 / Issue 4 2008
In This Issue
Send Questions
Married to Sexually Abused
Doing too Much
Husband Hiccups
Dance in the Relationship
Strong Man
Mixed Racial Dating
Respect Your Member
Urban Bible
Effects of Lost Fathers on Daughters
DJ Buck
After 50 Years
Head wo Body
I can't Win
It is Well
Date Night
Tolerate your mate
Divorce
Listen to Hollywood
Single Moms and Dating
Dating a Married Man
Coitus
Single Dating
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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January 17th 2009 (Saturday)
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black widow
Hip Hop Thinking 
Send in Your Questions
In order to relate, I am including this interactive section where you can submit all your questions about relationships. Note that the questions that I answer will be posted but rest assured that your identity will remain anonymous. Please email questions to [email protected]
 
For those who email with questions or comments, one blessed person will receive a free e-book from books authored by Pastor TC within two weeks.
 
Also don't forget to check out our blog and post your comments at 
 Relationship Blog
 

Married to Sexually Abused Spouse
Sexually Abused
When a spouse discovers his or her spouse has been abused, the non-abused spouse must proceed with caution while the abused spouse must come to terms that they are not the guilty party.
 
One major problem is the abused spouse may shut out the non-abused spouse especially with sex. Such problems must points not continue; instead, walk down the journey of healing together.
 
Doing too Much
Hispanic Older
We men get in trouble when we do more than what is required. Just do the specifics for your wife. For example if your wife ask for a spoon, don't give a spoon and a knife. Just the specifics. 
 
When you do more than she requires you may be blinded by her response. Its not what you do but how you do it. 
Husband Hiccups
Happy older  black couple
Every couple will have hiccups. When one has a natural hiccup, persons try to reconcile this body issue.
 
If the same exercise could be taken in marriages, fewer fights would occur.  In point, when you hiccup, someone may offer you water as a form of a resolution to the ailment.
 
Well, the same attitude should be given in a marriage as well. You have never heard of a person being killed from hiccuping, yet every day spouses destroys one another from 'emotional'' hiccups.
 
Hiccups are common events that can happen any given day. So are 'emotional' hiccups. Its all in how you deal with such issues within your life.
Archive Newsletter Issues
Dance in the Relationship
Hispanic Couple older
Couples can learn much about their relationship when they dance with each other.
  • Some one must take the lead
  • Never step on each other's feet
  • You are totally focused on the person whom you dance
  • You can only dance to one song at a time. 
 
Strong Man Is Not just in Muscle
Strong black man
Single ladies, its not just in muscle that a man is strong. More importantly is he respectful and faithful and can he be honest
 
Honesty, would you rather have a built man who is unfaithful or a faithful man who is not muscular.
 
The human spirit is funny. In youth, you look for looks but in older seasons of your life you look for faithful men. Decide now about the type of man you want later now.
 
Mixed Dating
Mixed couple
When two cultures come together in dating, one must take the necessary steps to deal with external issues.
 
Love is good but if couples do not recognize that there will be cultural hurdles to take the couple is doomed to fail.
 
In point, recognize you will may be looked at differently for dating outside your race, but if couples can band stronger and not weaker, then success is within your reach. However, if one person is ashamed of the other, then  the relationship will most certainly end in pain.
 
Brothers, respect your Member
Multi ethnic
Husbands, do not put your second 'head' in charge of your heart and marriage. You will be wrong EVERY time.
 
When your second head jumps ANY time toward another female, you must take note and keep your second head (member) under lock and key. 
 
Her smile and "emotional" touch may be lovely, but the end result is ALWAYS deadly. Keep you distance. And in these plots, be the 'mean' guy toward this strange woman and not the 'fall' guy to your wife.
 
Urban Bible
Hip Hop Bible
 
 
The Book of Matthew Chaper 7 and verse 24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock."
 
Because of our economic imbalance in 2008, many must discover what they stand on. If what they stand on is not strong enough, the trials of this
life will wash them and their possessions away. Yet those who have their lives in God, will survive this perfect storm.

Greetings!
 
 
Thanks for your support of the newsletter. If you are enjoying the newsletter please FORWARD this newsletter to a friend or love.
 
Help relationships by spreading the wealth. 
Effects of Lost Fathers on Daughters
dr J and daughter
Without a doubt, a huge crime is being accomplished when fathers skip out on their daughters lives. One such high profile case is Dr J. and his estranged daughter, tennis pro Alexandra Stevenson.
 
For over 25 years, Dr. J (Hall of Fame Basketball Great of the 76's) did not speak or communicate with this daughter after an affair that produced Alexandra, yet when she needed him after her tennis career suffered, he FINALLY stepped in.
 
Fathers, please step up and be in your daughters lives.
 
For women, who grew up without a father be careful to not take the heartbreak out on your spouse. Some women who were born without fathers, may place their anger on their husbands. Don't do it. Heal from the past, get counseling and move on.
 
 
dj buckc
 
Hot 93.7 FM "Morning Crew"  Highlight
 
The Morning Crew is made up of DJ Buck and Nancy B.
 
DJ Buck is the "boss" and program director for the station.
 
DJ Buck's hometown is in Providence, RI and was born March 16th. He loves sports and has no stuttering problem when talking about women. He has been in the radio business for over 15 years.
 
Join DJ Buck and Nancy on January 15th 2009 from 7:30 to 8:30 am with guest relationship expert Pastor TC.
 
Next DJ highlight is Jenny Boom Boom 

hispanic couple

Plan on Having Sex after 50 Years 

If you took your vows seriously and if you are in your 20s, 30s or 40s, you need to plan for sex after 50 with your spouse.
 
Many times couples try to not think about the changes in ones body but changes are sure to come but these changes do not have to inhibit ones sexual life with their respective spouse.
 
Both women and men should understand, falling in love with the person is important because when the physical changes occur you are still in love with that person.
 
Read the following Not Dead Yet
New Sheets 
Excerpt from
Pastors TC New Book
You Can't Have the Head Without the Body
 
"Well, this explains why church people are messed up. Their mouths say, "I love Christ," but with the same mouth, they say, "I hate the church and want nothing to do with it." This creates problems and pseudo-Christians. This explains why some Christians are so un-balanced: they want Christ but not the church. I am sorry, but the two (Christ and church) are a combo package."
 
This book is written for persons who do not go to church but love Jesus. This book addresses this problem head on. Pick up this challenging book today. 
 
 
 
 
Purchase:  $13.95
S & H:         $3.00
 
E-Book:       $5.00 (no S & H)
Usher - I Can't WinUshur picture
 
Major lyrics:
 
"Is that the reason I'm to blame
Before I do it, is it because he treated you badly I always stand accused? Mmmm

Protecting yourself from somebody else? I'm not who's hurting you!

Girl and it's killing me girl knowing you compare me to him!
Always guilty before the sin I can't win, I can't win NO!

Baby girl but I refuse to pay for something I didn't do
But I refuse to stay paying for his mistakes.

He left a scar across your heart
Don't let his wrongs, tear us apart,No

Why must I do time For another mans crime
Girl you know that ain't fair No No

I know he did you wrong
But tell me what does that have to do with me? "
 
This is a form of projection. When one person projects their anger, frustation or negative attitude (usually due to past negative experiences) on another person who is innocent. If your heart has been broken by a past love, insure you don't put the blame on the new love.
 
And for those who are getting the blame be patient and live in love.
It is well (Hymn) 
 
"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

CHORUS
It is well
With my soul
It is well
it is well
With my soul

My sin--oh, the bliss of this glorious thought:
My sin not in part, but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!"
 
In those bad times, do not forget how you faced similiar issues but God brought you out. Let him bring you out again, and while you wait sing "It is well, with my soul"
 
 
Date Nightwhite coupole
Without a doubt, maried couples need to continue to go out on dates with one another. 
 
Too many couples give up their dating practices once married; unfortunately, that mind frame will usually make one of the spouses unappreciated which will cause a gap in the marriage.
 
Remember whatever you did to get the marriage you will need to do to keep the marriage.
Tolerate your mateBlack couple
 
Not to bear bad news, but there will be times when you will not love him or her but tolerate them. In those times, you must find out why the turn from love to tolerate and how to get the love back. If you continue to tolerate, divorce may be down the road. So as easy as you fall into tolerate mood you must fight to get back into love mood.
 
Wedding Groom Tips
 
Divorce: Reached and Settlement
Madonna
It is reported that Madonna,50, and Guy Ritchie,40, reached a divorce settlement after an eight year marriage for up to $92 million. The previous sentence speaks volumes for those remaining in a relationship. The words reached and settlements are things that can happen within the marriage and not after.
 
In fact, if most couples would reach settlements on how they are to conduct matters in their relationships there would be less divorces.  Settlements says I accept who you are but I remain married because I remember my vows of better or worse.

Most fights occur because a settlement is reached and someone within the relationship defies the reached agreement. Yet, if every couple would talk EXTENSIVELY on those soft and hard issues, and come to a mutually understanding, most divorces could be avoided.
Listen to Hollywood...This one Time
courtney cox & husband
In order for Courteney Cox and David Arquette to keep their nine year marriage, they discovered the following:
  1. Talk to therapists rather than divorce lawyers
  2. Choose to work on your marriage full time
  3. Understand marriage takes a lot of work
  4. Understand therapists are a referee to remind team and not I mindframes
  5. Learned lessons from her divorced parents

Bottom line, if you have a family doctor and dentist its time to have a family counselor or therapist.

Single Moms and DatingHispanic Women child
Having a baby before marriage is not a death wish. However, you must be careful to whom you let into your life and the child's life.
 
Explore how the man you are dating treated his last girlfriend. If he tells you all the issues were her fault and he was 'never' to blame, this may be  a warning  sign that should not be ignored. So dig deeper because everyone has flaws; no one is perfect. 
 
Another area is how he deals with anger. If he angers quickly then he may have anger issues that may spill into the relationships.
 
Most important, how does he treat your child when you are around? If the answer is negatively, then chances are when you are not around, he probably would treat your child worse. Remember as a single mom, you are a package deal.
Dating a Married ManDating a Married Man
There are no winners in dating a person who is married. Just having him or
her as a 'jump off' (just for sex) can not be justified to your mate.
 
One can justify all they
want but in reality you are a thief. You are stealing one that belongs to another. It is important to ask the question of a man's martial status, so you don't find out late in the relationship the surprising news that he is married.
 
It is funny and ironic, once a person who was cheating on his/her former spouse hooks up with a new spouse, he/she now, all of a sudden, wants the new spouse to be mutually exclusive with him/her; yet, during their courting phase of dating, he/she was cheating and being unfaithful to one's original spouse.

Singles get your own. No sharing allowed. Ladies you are not a pencil sharpener (allowing men to just use you for sex), you are a lady. You don't want pencils, you want a faithful man who will sign a check and marriage certificate and not just an IOU (not just in the relationship for sex). 
Coitus for Married Couples 
  • Some erectile dysfunction husbands is caused by emotional and not physical problems.
  • Husbands should never compare their wives to past sexual partners/experiences. This includes real life, film or fantasy.
  • Husbands if your wife hates putting on sexy bed clothes, be in charge of it and lay out her clothing. If she can dress you in the day, you have a right to dress her in the night.
  • No matter what it is, if your spouse calls you to the bedroom and you would rather play your game or watch your movie, you may be addicted and such will be a problem down the road.
  • Don't worry about the G-Spot wives, just let your husband hit the spot.
  • Whatever guilty pleasure couples have, secrets should not be an adjective to such activities.
 
Thank you to my editors Tyrone Waters and Michele L. Wood.

Furthermore, if you don't have a church home we invite you to Restoration Springs Interdenomitional Church 1575 Thomaston Avenue in Waterbury.
 
If you need baby blessings please contact at 203-753-7377 or officiants to weddings go to  - S & M (Strong Marriages)
Sincerely,

Remember In the Book of Ecclesiastes chapter 4 and verse 12 (Bible)
"And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."  

TRANSLATION (With only husband and wife the commitment can easily fail, but with God,husband, and wife the cord of commitment is not quickly broken.)


Pastor TC Brantley
Restoration Springs Interdenominational Church 
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The next Marriage Enrichment is scheduled March 7 2009 at New Generation Ministries (Pastor Troy Moore) in New Britain, CT. For those churches interested in having a Marriage enrichment at their church please call 203-753-7377 or click  Schedule Marriage Enrichment at your church 
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