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Better English 43
Timely Communications Tips
March 2, 2010
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I AM NO ORATOR, AS BRUTUS IS
-- HOW TO ARGUE WITH TACT
-- THOSE OBJECTIONABLE PHRASES
-- SILENCE IS GOLDEN
-- TACT IS TASTE

Mark Antony's speech is considered a masterpiece, no doubt because of its tact. Are we aware of tact when we communicate?

HOW TO ARGUE WITH TACT
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 To be honest, working with writers can be a stressful experience. I understand now why publishers feel that they can't live without them and can't kill them. Often I just want to ask one to take his marvelous creative work (his opinion) and imitate a paratrooper's jump--from Mount Whitney.

Using tact is one of the most important traits for a communicator to master. And using it to control your emotions is such a challenge. You really want your agitator to visit that largest summit in the U.S. Then jump, please.

But President Barack Obama's cool demeanor under fire has led me to review some valuable tips on tact. I became aware of this quality not so much after the summit on health care, but more so after I learned that he called Republican vice president Dick Cheney in February to wish him a speedy recovery after his heart surgery. Now that's tact--delicacy, diplomacy, discernment, and discretion combined.

Only the best communicators are the most tactful. You never enter the book of best relators by calling the president a liar in the U.S. Congress.


THOSE OBJECTIONABLE PHRASES
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 So I dusted off the marvelous 1910 book by Grenville Kleiser, "How to Argue and Win," to pull out some tips for you.

He says that careless speakers use objectionable phrases:
  • I disagree with you.
  • That's just where you're wrong.
  • You are dreadfully mistaken.
  • You don't know what you're talking about.
  • That's ridiculous.

With tact, you can say instead:

  • Have you carefully considered so-and-so?
  • I believe it's been said...
  • There is some authority for the statement...
  • I may appear stupid, but can you make that clearer for me?
  • How do you account for...?
These expressions give you the stance of a conciliator leaving a favorable impression although you may be certain of not winning the argument with a stubborn opponent. Many thoughts in your mind need not be expressed; withhold them at will. Make your points without being unkind or unfair. Don't try to belittle. And remember that you are dealing with facts, not personalities. Let your opponent scold while you deal with positive thoughts.


SILENCE IS GOLDEN
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 Remember that silence is a wonderful tact. "Be swift to hear," says an old professional, "but be cautious of your tongue, lest you betray your ignorance and perhaps offend."

Many of us don't know when to stop, nor how long to stop. Well, silence can be a powerful aid to a persuasive argument. It shows the other that you are a willing listener and impresses him with your fairmindedness.

Says Publilius Syrus, "I often regret that I have spoken; never that I have been silent."

And this from Winston Churchill: "When the eagles are silent the parrots begin to jabber."


TACT IS TASTE
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 If you lack tact, you really lack common sense. Tact is taste. Tact knows what to do and how to do it. The untactful talk loudly in public places so that quiet conversation is impossible. The tactful would rather say nothing than give offense.

"How did you like our Easter music?" a church member asked the visitor.
"I thought," was the tactful answer, "that all of the members did their best."

Our endless spats and squabbles remind me of the 1970s Edwin Starr song, "War" that I danced to so often:
War, huh yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh

Sincerely,
Barry Beckham


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