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Better English 36
Timely Communications Tips
September 29, 2009
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A FRIEND IS ACCUSED
-- MY SIX-STEP SOLUTION

Your friend is accused. What do you say to him?

MY SIX-STEP SOLUTION
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 What do you say to a good friend who faces legal charges?

I coped with that challenge when I learned that a high school classmate was being investigated. My good friend is a superior court judge in New Jersey and months away from retirement. A judicial committee has alleged that he violated court ethics in a case he handled in 2005. He is in danger of losing his lifetime retirement pension and maybe judgeship.

Here are the key statements I used, representing the best communications sequence I could devise.

1. First I telephoned to say that I had heard about the charges and understood the tremendous pressure he and his family are enduring.

2. It's important to give a friend his say, to listen to his side. I was happy to hear him declare that he had plenty of witnesses and facts to support his innocence.

3. I told him that my wife and I love him.

4. I told him that I would stay in touch.

5. I mailed a note on the next day to repeat our support and care for him and his family.

6. And one week later, I telephoned to keep my promise to stay in touch.

So many of our important communications efforts revolve around the heart. We are at our best or worse when people need us. Often these people are friends or family members. We can't always prepare for those moments when a son gets suspended for bad behavior, a daughter is accused of being a terrorist, a relative loses a job, or an uncle discovers that he has cancer. These are times when the best source of proper responses comes from the heart.

And if you find yourself stuck momentarily, just ask how your grandmother would handle it.

Sincerely,
Barry Beckham


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