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Better English 35
Timely Communications Tips
September 14, 2009
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PLEASE LOOK IN MY EYES
-- PLEASE LOOK IN MY EYES

Had any handshakes lately? How many times was the simple rule violated?

PLEASE LOOK IN MY EYES
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 Last Friday in Cypress Gardens, we were waiting in his office for one of the top spinal surgeons in Florida to meet with my stepmother, my aunt and me. We wanted to hear what he thought about my stepmother's condition. He bounced in with athletic shoes, a bright smile, and an energetic demeanor. But he didn't look me in the eye when he shook my hand while thanking us for waiting.

Why is that, I thought? And why has it happened often with physicians? I remember being in a Philadelphia hospital room with my godmother. We waited for her physician to arrive. He came in finally (are doctors always running late?). Then he sat on her bed. Then he stared at my shoes and began to explain why there was nothing wrong with her, based on the test results he had seen. Yes, he looked at my shoes--not in my eyes--while talking to me.

He didn't fail the hand-shaking test. That's because he didn't have the courtesy to offer to shake my hand when Aunt Jeannette introduced him to her godson when he first walked into her room.

This seemingly simple task of early communication gets lost or overlooked by too many of us. When you shake somebody's hand, you look that person in the eyes. That look indicates that you are sincere. You can be trusted. And you appreciate the other person's hand in yours--a symbol of human camaraderie.

Anthropologists remind us that a principal reason for grasping the right hand in greeting was to prove that you were not holding any weapon in that hand.

Not only must we remember ourselves to look the person in the eye, but we must also make the effort to teach our younger citizens--especially teenagers--the importance of eye contact.

Women rarely shake hands in Korea, so if you are a coed exchange student, not to worry.

Sincerely,
Barry Beckham


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