The Three Faces of Unrefined Anger, Part 3

In his book, The Anger Trap, Dr. Carter identifies three categories of behavior from adults trapped by the use of unproductive anger. We've previously reviewed two categories, suppression of anger and openly aggressive anger. In this last segment we'll look at the third category, Passive Aggressive Anger.

Passive-aggressive adults don't like to be controlled, nor do they wish to risk the possibility of being rejected by others. Instead, they choose to deal with their anger in a sly fashion, appearing passive on the surface, while still harboring disrespect and covertly remaining oppositional toward the person who angered them.

Managing anger this way may provide a temporary sense of satisfaction, but only perpetuates the problem, frustrates those around you, and possibly alienates them, as well.

As with other forms of anger, passive-aggressive people are striving to preserve their personal worth, needs and convictions. Their strategy includes a collection of demeaning and disrespectful behaviors. The Anger Trap, provides a comprehensive list; do any of them look familiar to you?

• Being silent when you know that the other person wants to hear from you.
• Making lame excuses for the purpose of avoiding activities you do not want to do
• Procrastinating and being chronically forgetful
• Saying yes even though you are unlikely to follow through with a request
• Doing tasks in your own manner and at your own time even when you know that it disrupts others
• Complaining about people behind their back, but rarely face to face
• Saying whatever the other person wants to hear, and then doing whatever you feel like doing
• Being evasive for the purpose of indicating that you won't be controlled
• Putting off responsibility as you choose playful or lazy options instead
• Repeatedly using the phrase, "I don't know" when being asked to explain your choices
• Giving half-hearted effort
• Having a reputation of general unreliability
• Acting good in front of authority figures or accountability partners, and then acting rebellious when out of their presence
• Being wasteful, even after requests have been made to be more conscientious