Cultivating Character: Courtesy

A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.  ~ Saint Basil

Beyond please and thank you lay endless opportunities for children to learn the art of courtesy.  Intentionally model courtesy to nurture a lifestyle of courteous behavior for your children, and you'll be rewarded with a well-mannered child who is a delight to all...and your child will enjoy the blessings of favor well-earned. 

Considerate actions and choices your children can learn from you:

• Bus your own table in cafes and fast food restaurants.
• Take turns...with other drivers, shoppers, restaurant patrons, etc.
• Place your cups and empty popcorn containers in trash receptacles when you leave a movie theatre.
• Talk about things for which you're grateful.
• Be a gracious hostess; be a gracious guest.
• Put things back where you found them -- in the grocery, department or other store.
• If you end up in what seems like THE slowest check-out line, be patient. (Read: no snarky comments under your breath.)
• Exercise common courtesy for others when using your cell phone.
• If you often hurl verbal barbs at other drivers that annoy you, bite your tongue.  For bonus points: offer to yield to a rude and selfish driver (whom you're otherwise wishing would get pulled over by a motorcycle cop hiding in the median).

Anger Management Tip

The Three Faces of Unrefined Anger, Part 2

In his book, The Anger Trap: Free Yourself From the Frustrations That Sabotage Your Life, Dr. Carter identifies three categories of behavior from adults trapped in their unproductive use of anger: suppression of anger, openly aggressive anger, and passive-aggressive anger. In part two of this series we'll look at openly aggressive anger (OAA).

OAA is a tactic common to both young children and adults who haven't learned appropriate methods for self-preservation and conflict resolution. These individuals lack self-control and ignore the needs of others in their efforts to right a wrong. The difference is children are excused for their shortsightedness; adults should know better.

Adults who tend toward impulsive outbursts do so because this was the behavior modeled to them by parents, siblings and peers. People who aggressively communicate their anger are often motivated by the belief that others cannot willingly digest their message. OAA is a method that force-feeds their ideas and diminishes the possibility they might not be heard. (To read the rest of this article, click here.)