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Simple Truths for Authentic Living
| June 2010
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Greetings!
Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass
on a summer day listening to the murmur of water
or watching the clouds float across the sky,
is hardly a waste of time. ~ John Lubbock
Summer...it's almost here...finally.
I say that, yet I'm full of mixed feelings. I love the
freedom summer brings, but I find it difficult to balance freedom with tedium.
Like all moms, I want my kids to enjoy unscheduled days, spontaneous fun and
hours of uninterrupted playtime. But, when I attempt to keep our schedule loose I find we
run short of things to do and begin to get on each other's nerves. By the time summer is over, I
cannot wait to get my kids back in school. We've had too much freedom, too much
unscheduled time, and too much chaos.
So, standing at the forefront of this summer, I vow to
do things a little differently. Holding fast to the theory of less is more, I'm going to choose wisely -- and sparingly -- the events and endeavors that will get my time and attention. Are you with me?
Read on to discover ways to: begin teaching your children about contributing to their community, help your children develop a new anger management skill, find the perfect book for you and your children, and enter to win a wonderful children's picture book. Wishing you a moderately lazy summer,
Teresa
TeresaDrake.com
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Raising Community-Minded Kids:
It's Never Too Early to Teach Children to
"Do Their Fair Share"
Summertime. Time to relax. Time to have
fun. And the perfect time to teach the kids new chores. That's right, new
chores.
So many times throughout the year I've wanted to institute a
few changes around our home, but the pressure of school-related time
constraints kept my goals on hold. Long summer days, and the absence of the regular school-day routine,
makes it an ideal time to change things up a bit.
 Sure, we'll still be playing and exploring, but we'll also
be learning more about personal responsibility, contributing to the community
(our family and household operations) and getting the job done right. Yes, that
last part is REALLY important to me, so I will make it my business to make it
important to my children.
There's a lot of talk these days about kids and their
collective sense of entitlement. So, rather than simply ranting about how unacceptable and annoying it is, I'm going postal, I mean, proactive! My kids will learn new ways to contribute to the well-being of their community (for young kids, "community" starts at home) via house-cleaning chores; a novel thought, indeed. While I don't expect them to jump for joy, as they're too old to enjoy being "big helpers," I do anticipate (okay, really I hope to see) their sense of pride and joy at a job well done.
The key to success will be tempering my type-A tendency and gold star expectations with their age-appropriate abilities. That's the challenge
for all of us parents looking to instruct our kids in the fine art of...sweeping,
mowing, dishwashing, vacuuming - you name it. Presumably, we've had years to
perfect our approach, but our children are mere beginners. And let's not fall into the "when I was your age" trap; remember, it's not about you.
Four things influence the process of motivating children to do their chores, according to John Covey, in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families: A Proactive Family Guide.
Parents must model being responsible by doing housework themselves. Parents must have a caring relationship with each child in the family. The culture in the home must be cooperative. Do you do things together? Do you help each other? Parents must see chores as an opportunity to teach their children both important life skills and values.
To keep your chore-ambitions in check, take a peek at the websites below that list suggestions for chores by age.
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It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses. ~ William Arthur Ward
Direct Your Anger Towards Problems. So easy to say, so difficult to do unless you've practiced and practiced and practiced, until it's become habit...and that's speaking for us adults.
Children will only be able to practice and develop this skill if we model and teach it. So, for those of us with children who could benefit from some anger management skills -- and that would be all of us, right? -- pick an idea from the list below and focus on one skill at a time.
Remember, anytime you change a child's environment and/or routine she may become confused or uncomfortable and push back. Knowing this, just stick with it; you may need to adjust your approach, but remember to keep your main objective in mind.
- Help your child learn to recognize when they're frustrated or angry. They may feel the need to yell or run away. Some will get a tummy ache. Others will want to get physical.
- Help your child learn that anger is a normal emotion that can be used for good or bad, depending on how we respond to our feelings. Talk about helpful and harmful methods for behaving when angry.
- Teach your child helpful techniques for cooling down when they're angry: counting to 10 (or 20); talking, exercising, controlled breathing, coloring a picture, listening to soothing music, distraction, thinking things over before reacting, etc. Some children are very visual learners, so having a chart of "Choices When I'm Angry" can be very helpful for little ones to understand their options.
- Limit your child's exposure to violence on TV or in electronic games.
- Help your child be better prepared for stressful situations that can lead to anger. Be sure they get enough rest, exercise and a healthy diet. Teach your child that these things are important for their personal happiness.
- Encourage your child to talk about things that made him angry, when he's not in the heat of the moment.
- Instruct your child to be mindful of other people's feelings (i.e. the Golden Rule).
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June Giveaway:
"A Hat for Ivan" by Max Lucado
 Have you experienced the awkward question, "Who do you love more?" from one of your children? Have you squirmed at the discomfort and sadness you feel when one of your children attempts to change their behavior, looks, activities, etc. in an effort to be more like someone else? Those are painful moments, for sure.
One day, several years ago, my youngest son asked me, "When do I get to be Jack?" (Jack is my older son.) My heart broke, and I babbled on and on about how much I loved my younger son exactly as he was. It's one of those moments where you kick yourself because it feels like you don't have the perfect answer.
A Hat for Ivan
Have you ever wondered if you're good at anything? Even the youngest children can discover the truth that God has made everyone for a special purpose. Children (and those who love them) will be excited that God knows them so well and has the perfect plan for their lives. All the grown-ups in Ivan's village wear a hat that shows what they love most. Because Ivan's father is the hatmaker, Ivan gets to watch his father create a hat that is perfect for each person. Ivan wonders what kind of hat he will have. Will he be a musician? A baker? A palace guard? Ivan doesn't need to worry about his future because his father, the hatmaker who loves him most, shows him that there is only one hat--and one life--created just for him.
I've got four books to give away...so be sure you enter to win! Entry deadline: Tuesday, June 22nd. Please email entries to
teresa@teresadrake.com with "June giveaway" in the subject
line. Winner will be notified via email.
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Visiting Far Away Places
...in 250 Words or Less
(give or take a hundred)
Vacations and stay-cations are great, but when there's little time or finances for a getaway, books are a great alternative. Below are links to the latest bestsellers for adults, as well as suggested reading for children (by age groups). And, if you're like me, you enjoy seeing what like-minded people are reading, so I've included a link to my webpage, "On My Bookshelf."
New York Times Current Bestsellers (Lists include Hardcover & Paperback:
Fiction, Nonfiction, and Advice; plus Children's books, too)
Summer Reading Guide for Kids
Barnes & Noble
Teresa's Current Reads:
On My Bookshelf
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