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Simple Truths for Authentic Living
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March 2010
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Greetings!
There's an old expression, "March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb."
It's a great illustration of how we can deal with life's chaos and strife. When we experience intense or urgent emotions, we may sometimes feel overwhelmed; but with purpose we can maintain control and find appropriate and gentle ways to work through the heat of the moment.
This month's main message focuses on perspective, and how it impacts the way we respond to some of our pet peeves. There's also a fun giveaway to encourage you to take a closer look at your expectations and see how well your plan is matching up with reality.
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The happiness of most people we know is not ruined by great catastrophes or fatal errors, but by the repetition of slowly destructive
little things. ~ Ernest Dimnet
Psychology Today recently featured an article "You're
Driving Me Crazy!"on its website. It was enlightening but also a
little long, so I've written a short(er) summary highlighting the main points.
In a perfect world we could change our mates by eliminating
those annoying things they say and do. But, a perfect world it's not, and no
one is without a few faults and foibles -- including ourselves.
Major events can, and do, impact our relationships and cause
us to explode in anger (infidelity, bankruptcy, addictions, etc.), but the real
danger lies in the little things that occur every day. Tedious and simple acts
or comments insidiously seep in and can, over time, take root in our hearts,
creating a mountainous heap of bitterness, resentment, self-pity, and more.
Dirty laundry left here and there (everywhere except the
laundry bin), toilet seats left up, cosmetics splayed all over the
bathroom counter, a laugh that's too loud or too high-pitched...anything here
sound familiar?
If we're searching for marriage utopia, where irritations
don't exist, there's grand disappointment at the end of the journey. It's
impossible for two people to come together without some clashing of attitudes
and lifestyles.
"We each have differing values and ways of looking at
the world, and we want different things from each other. Such differences
derive from our genetically influenced temperaments, our belief systems, and
experiences growing up in our family of origin," explains Diane Sollee,
family therapist and founder of SmartMarriages.
So what's a girl to do? Start by recognizing the two
opportunities for change: your habits and your interpretations. I know, you
were looking for the words "him" and "his bad habits," but
those things are beyond your control. Criticizing and prodding won't have the
impact you desire, so let's get back to the real opportunities for change.
First, take a fresh look at your own quirky ways that annoy
your mate and consider changing those things that are more habit than
necessity. Yes, most of us are close to perfect (sure), but there might just be
something you say or do that, for your spouse, is akin to fingernails on a
chalkboard.
Secondly, become purposeful in adjusting your perspective.
Realize that much of what your spouse does is out of habit, not the intent to
hurt, ignore or aggravate you. Sounds easy, but it'll require some practice on
your part.
And just for fun, straight from the article:
When asked to rate their top relationship irritants, men and
women give strikingly different answers, reports University of Louisville
psychologist Michael Cunningham. Here's what grates on us most:
Men's complaints about women: -
the silent treatment
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bringing up things he's done in the distant past
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being too hot or too cold
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being critical
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being stubborn and refusing to give in
Women's complaints about men:
forgetting important dates, like birthdays or anniversaries
not working hard at his job
noisily burping or passing gas
staring at other women
being stubborn and refusing to give in
Click on the following link to read You're Driving Me Crazy!,
at www.psychologytoday.com. For archived Anger Management Tips by Teresa simply click on the underlined link.
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Great Expectations & A Fun Giveaway
Have you had a chance to take stock of your expectations
and identify those which consistently go unmet? Which cause you the greatest
frustration?
I'd love to hear from you and then share
(anonymously) in the next newsletter various ways women are adjusting, working their way through great frustration.
Send me an email
and list up to five expectations that simply aren't being fulfilled.
These can be expectations you hold for yourself (as a woman, mom, wife, or friend),
your spouse, your children, the way your household runs, the support you
receive from extended family, etc.
I'll pick an email, at random, and the sender will win a
copy of a best-selling parenting book, The Pocket Parent, by Gail Reichlin & Caroline Winkler.
Entry deadline: Wednesday, March 28th. Please email entries to teresa@teresadrake.com
with "Great
Expectations" in the subject line. Winner will be notified via email. 
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 Bucket Filling is a new twist on The Golden  Rule; it's the philosophy of positive affirmation. Click on each book cover to see how Bucket Filling is presented to both children and adults. Becoming a bucket-filler is as simple as saying something nice, affirming or uplifting to others. It's easy for even preschoolers to understand (and start filling). The information presented in How Full Is Your Bucket is eye-opening, inspiring and life-changing. Check it out!
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In researching this newsletter, I stumbled across this nugget of wisdom that bears repeating:
Anger was designed to be a visitor, never a resident in the
human heart.
~ The Other Side of Love, by Dr. Gary Chapman
Teresa
TeresaDrake.com
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