My friend from New York City told me I
broke 3 rules. The "Big 3", he said.
What
happened? I was sitting with a friend in Central
Park, New York City,
talking about our synagogues. A beautiful spring day.
Just
then a man in his 40's walked over to us, asking for some money. I took out my
wallet and offered him some change.
He
walked away a few steps when I suddenly called him back. "Could you just come
over for a minute, I'd like to ask you a question?" (Rule #1 - don't engage in
conversation.) He came back.
"The
t-shirt you're wearing, with the one word in large letters on the front
("PRAY"), does it have any significance?"
"Absolutely.
My church has a Pray-In once a year. They close off the streets next to the church
and we go outside and pray together."
"You
go?"
"Absolutely."
"Is it okay if I ask you
another question - do you believe in God?" (Breaking Rule #2 - don't talk about
God in public.)
"Yes.
I was reborn 5 years ago. Changed my life."
"How does your belief
impact your life?"
"Well,
you see I'm going through a very hard time now. My first child, my daughter,
was born 9 months ago. Then the economy got worse, lost my job, and now I'm
struggling. God gives me strength and hope. I don't know if I could get through
this if not for my belief in God."
He was on the verge of
tears. We just held the silence for a few moments. Then I stood up and hugged
him. (Rule #3 - no physical contact.) I felt a bit awkward hugging a stranger,
but actually in the moments of talking we had ceased to be strangers to each
other. The words from his heart had entered our hearts.
I
whispered to him that I wanted to give him a blessing of strength and hope. We nodded
to each other, separated, and he walked away.
My
friend and I sat in silence, a bit stunned.
Then
I returned to the conversation about her synagogues and asked her if she could
go up to someone and ask those questions: Do you believe in God? How does this
belief impact your life?
She
replied that it would be very awkward to do so, even though, ostensibly, people
are coming to synagogue to engage in precisely this relationship. She said most
likely people would answer with a glib comment or joke. Maybe wonder what is up
with her. It would be breaking an unspoken rule of social etiquette.
Since this encounter in Central Park I have been asking these 2 questions to many
people -
the guy I sat next to on the plane, the waiter in a coffee-shop, the cleaning
woman at Starbucks. I'm continually shocked at how open and eager people are to
engage in the conversation. How sincere and heartfelt are their replies.
Maybe the most important
conversations - we're just not having. Maybe we should break the rules a bit
more often.
For
Reflection:
