Last week I asked our Ayeka group: "Who is the most loving person you know?"

I can immediately think of not one but a few of the most loving people I know - giving selflessly and generously of themselves to me, unconditionally compassionate and caring about me in a most sincere and focused way. 

But this question also makes me wonder nervously - would anyone ever say that about me - that I'm the most loving person they know?

It is a question I ask myself a lot these days. I like to think of myself as a caring person, but still . . . 

The question never really came up for me during college or work. There the focus was achievement and productivity. The question was always: "How well was I doing? Could I be doing better?"

I still want to do well, but now a different question is echoing in my mind - "Could I be a more loving person?"

Rav Kook writes that his love is not an emotion, rather comes from a "deep wisdom". He was known for his profound and earnest love for all people. What kind of wisdom is he referring to?

It's deep but actually not too complicated:

1. God is continually emanating love - the act of creation is an act of love and the world is being sustained through a continuous act of creation all the time.
2. I am created in the Image of God - so I too should emulate this quality of God and emanate love.
3. This love is not dependent on others, but on my opening up my heart and loving people - regardless. Sometimes there is a reason to love someone, and sometimes there isn't. But since this person was created through God's love - who am I then to turn away from them?*

It's strange how often this idea evokes such a negative emotional response in people. "What about mean or annoying people? It's impossible to love everyone! Sometimes I don't know if I even love myself!"  

Is it possible for me to become a more loving person? What holds me back from doing it?

Rav Kook writes that the aim of all of Torah, Jewish practice, and Jewish learning is to clear away the obstacles that get in the way of our becoming more loving people. When a person becomes judgmental or dogmatic - it means they have forgotten God. They have forgotten that they are created in the image of God. And conversely, bringing God into our daily lives should have a commensurate effect on our loving people.

This idea was both inspiring and extremely challenging for our group. Below are some of their reactions during the week following the session. Please let us know what your thoughts are on this subject.

Questions for Reflection:

1. Who is the most loving person you know? How do you think he or she got to that place?
2. HHHHhHave you ever known a Torah scholar was judgmental or dogmatic? What do you think Rav Kook would say about their learning?
3. What small practical step could you take to become a more loving person?

*This does not mean agreeing, validating, or accepting everything that a person does, rather regardless of "stuff" that needs to be addressed, there is a bottom-line attitude of love.

I tried to take last week's lesson to heart - but driving home and cursing out a driver who swerved into my lane, I realized that it was going to be an ongoing process . . . to learn to love mankind.

I've always been better at written rather than verbal communication, so it's never been easy for me to verbally express how much I care for people close to me.

So I wasn't able to express those feelings this week to a few of the people in my life that I thought of when we were given the assignment of expressing love.

However, like others in the class, I found myself telling my children and my wife more than usual that I loved them and gave them extra embraces.

And when my teenage son came home with a half-year report card that would have normally sent me into a yelling fit and grounding him for half a year, I found myself praising him for the rays of light in the report and gently encouraging him to realize his potential the next half. 

I credit Rav Kook.

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I don't think of myself as a particularly loving person. It's always top on the list of things I want to work on. But when I thought about what to write right after the class, I realized: In the weeks before the class, I had seen a little Rubik's cube kind of thing and bought it for a friend's son who is nuts about Rubik's cubes; I wrote a thank you card to the secretaries at work and bought them a cake; this week I saw a beautiful but pricey little blank book and decided to buy it for a writer friend whom I knew would love it. I nearly always make the members of my family salads for their day in the morning.

But yesterday, I walked about a half hour from one place to another in town and had an extra 20 minutes. I considered going to visit my niece who had opened a cafe in town a while ago and I haven't been there yet. I knew she would love it if I came -- but I was tired and decided it was more important to listen to my body than do the extra walking. It was a hard decision.

What happens when doing something loving for someone else comes into conflict with doing something loving for yourself?

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When I got the assignment, I thought I should write a letter to my in-laws telling them that I had mentioned them as the most loving people I know in my "Ayeka workshop." I plan to do it. But it has been interesting to observe my reticence. If I know it's something that will give them great pleasure, what's the problem? There is something troubling about expressing affection. They undoubtedly will thank and praise me in a way that makes me feel unworthy and guilty for not taking care of them better/ staying in touch more. Maybe it will create some expectations that I won't be able to live up to.