Ayeka Reflections - Bringing God Into the Kitchen

Often when I teach a group I'll ask them: "When Jews get together - what subjects to they talk about?" Inevitably, one of the first topics mentioned will be food. We don't only cook and eat it; we love to talk about food.

But there are some parts of our relationship with food that we are more reluctant to bring up. Below are two thoughtful pieces about personal relationships with food.

Aryeh Ben David

Bringing God into - The Kitchen

By Tovah Leah Nachmani

Some people love to be in the kitchen for hours on end- they love getting creative with food, making a big mess, and sometimes even cleaning it all up - with joy and without issue.I'm just the opposite. I dread the kitchen if I know I will have to be there for more than 45 minutes at a shot.

My personal strategy during the week is: "Don't spend more time making the food than it takes to eat it."

I just don't have the patience when it comes to cooking.

When it's time for me to move into the kitchen for endless hours, usually for the better part of Friday, in order to prepare Shabbat meals, I feel like a prisoner. In the middle of cooking, I continually find myself looking to escape, back to a thought provoking work assignment or to my email. Until one of my kids calls out to me that I'm burning the onions, or the soup is boiling over. I think I have kitchen - A.D.D.

The truth is that I like good, healthy food. I love the colors and shape and textures. And I appreciate being able to feed the people I love.

But after 45 minutes in the kitchen, my inner voice becomes resentful, even when other family members share the responsibility. I began to wonder - what is so dreadful for me about "serving time" in the kitchen? And how do I do it without resentment when I would so much rather be doing something more stimulating, and - honestly, more spiritual?

So one Friday, inspired by Ayeka, I decided to 'invite God into the kitchen'.

Some people talk to God naturally. I don't.

So despite the momentary inspiration, I felt awkward. What should I say?

A blessing before entering the kitchen? That felt artificial.

A long complaint session to God about why I didn't want to be here? That felt ungrateful.

A song of praise for the blessing of having a kitchen and an abundance of food in the fridge?

That doesn't change the frustration I feel when I would so much rather be doing something else.

So I just asked God to give me the willpower to 'stay with each task' and follow it through to completion.

The counter was messy and the sink had dishes piled up in it. So I said, "Please give me the focus to do this without losing steam."

After that - the chicken and the vegetables were waiting to be seasoned and baked. So I said, "Please give me the persistence to follow this through."

Then - the flour needed to become challah. So I said, "Please help me stay with it 'til I finish." ...and so it was.

And somehow I felt less resentful.

Could I have done that without God? Probably, but having God agree to stick around patiently for hours on end with me in the kitchen gave me a spiritual challenge, and a stimulating focus, and just made it a bit sweeter.

Questions for Reflection:

If you would talk to God in the kitchen, what would you say?
Is there some job to which you feel yourself a 'prisoner'?

Tovah Leah Nachmani is the Assistant Educational Director of Ayeka

Spiritual Moment

By Sheryl Fox Adler, Brookline, MA

After years of struggle with food-under eating, overeating, and obsessing about weight -- one moment back in 1988, changed the course of my life for the following 22 years. It was a split second, but it was a powerful spiritual awakening that happened when I realized I had to accept myself exactly as I was, like I was never going to change -- in order for me to change anything.

My problem with food took on a life of its own somewhere in the middle of high school and became even more challenging in college. Within a few months of starting school, I was almost 50 pounds more than my identical twin, and I became an emotional wreck. I couldn't face myself, my classes, my friends, and my family. And yet I couldn't hide. I was stuck inside a body that didn't feel like mine, lost somewhere deep within. Acceptance of that person and that body was impossible.

But, no matter how I tried to control my eating, I just couldn't stop. I'd diet one day and lose it the next. I'd make sweet promises to myself and others, only to break them over and over again. And the weight kept coming and coming. I was desperate. Was I defective in some way that prevented me from eating normally? Where was my will, my self control? Why could others control themselves so effectively?

What I didn't realize at the time is that my confusion reflected deep and fundamental fear. I was terrified of the unknown and was deceiving myself as I tried to control what I feared with food. Accepting myself and that I had a food problem was somehow tied to tolerating living in a world without guarantees. Rather than learning to trust the unknown and deepening my faith in God, I tried to play Him instead. I tried to control what everyone thought of me and deceived myself that somehow the perfect body weight and diet would prevent bad things from happening.

A mentor of mine once taught me that there are two fundamental things I need to know about God before I can develop a real and true relationship: 1) that there is one; and 2) it's not me.

When he told me this, I laughed. Isn't it obvious that I'm not the Creator of everything? I mean c'mon.... does this really need to be taught? Over time I realized the wisdom of this teaching-that I in fact was trying to be Him when I abused food to deal with my fear. This precious realization swung open the doors to a profoundly more healthy and meaningful life.

Acceptance of my true lack of control with food was the necessary missing link I needed to stop playing God and start relying on Him instead. I learned that acceptance was not failure or complacency, but a paradoxical catalyst for spiritual transformation of heart and mind-the only antidote to my food addiction.

My problems with food gave me a gift. It allowed me to open my eyes to the amazing power of self-acceptance and that I could let go of fear by connecting with, and relying upon, an Ultimate Power greater than me. The awesome unfolding moment 1988 has led me to a deeply profound and enriching relationship with God, Judaism, and the world in which I live. It has led me to earnestly seek to bring in more light wherever there is darkness - whether within myself or within the world. This is Judaism at its core. To bring holiness and meaning to the darkest corners of the earth, beginning with our own souls.

In This Issue

Bringing God Into The Kitchen

Spiritual Moment

December Seminar

Future issues of Ayeka Reflections will focus on Hanuka and Clothes.

Please send us any thoughts, reflections, or experiences you have on this subject.

Aryeh Ben David
in the U.S.

Aryeh will be visiting Denver on December 6th and 7th and Atlanta on December 8th and 9th.

Israel Events

Jerusalem Seminar

Ayeka will start the Seminar: Bringing God Into My Relationships - in Jerusalem on Monday, December 28th, 7 pm. Contact us for registration information.

Check Out
Ayeka Seminars

Visit Ayeka's website for information about our series of 10-session seminars:

Bringing God Into My Daily Life and

Relating to God.

The seminars can be run by institutions, independent groups or two people on their own. Seminar materials are provided when you register online at our website.

Advisory Board

Ayeka is honored to have an Advisory Board of world-renowned personalities in the fields of Jewish education and public service:

Dr. Erica Brown
Rabbi Rachel Cowan
Rabbi Yitz Greenberg
Avraham Infeld
Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen
Rabbi Avi Weiss

Ayeka in the U.S.

Ayeka is visiting Kansas City and Tulsa. Be in touch if you know people interested in coming to programs there.

To bring Ayeka to your synagogue and/or community, or become an Ayeka facilitator, contact us at info@ayeka.org.il

Ayeka's Mission

Ayeka is bringing God back to the conversation.

Ayeka provides an agenda-free, safe space to personally explore the question: How can I best fulfill the challenge of living in the Image of God - in my daily life, my relationships, my work and community, with the Jewish people and all of humanity.