Pastors need to speak directly to men, not in the congregation with women and children present. I have been in churches where the pastor does address such problems and my heart just breaks for the young girls and the young brides and mothers and even the boys and young men. They are embarrassed and many are having their precious innocence taken away from them. It is just as important to protect the innocence of others as it is to expose such damning sins. 

If the presentation would be limited to men in Sunday school or other venues where the topic can be fully addressed, many problems could be avoided. I also think this topic needs to be a two-way exchange, not preaching at or to, but a true Socratic exchange where information is given with questions and responses freely exchanged. This would help remove the shame barrier that so often inhibits the sinner from seeking help.

There is much to commend in Sandy's letter. Certainly, a raw or explicit sermon would be inappropriate. Equally important is the need to preserve innocence and to respect the sacredness of the topic. I also think men will have difficulty opening up about s*xual temptations. A dedicated, safe place for that topic to be addressed is a necessity.

I might add two thoughts to Sandy's. First, I would not neglect the need for churches to provide a similar dedicated forum for women to share their thoughts and struggles. Many women do struggle with p*rnography use and others whose husbands are s*xually broken may need support and guidance as well. Second, I do believe there is a place for pulpit preaching on these topics, provided that caution, care and respect for the congregation is preserved.

One way to do that is to talk about identity rather than behavior. Too many people think about s*x as what we do rather than who we are. The creation account in Genesis explains that we were created in the image of God as male and female. Men and women experience life as gendered, embodied beings and uniquely reveal attributes of the Creator through emotional, mental, spiritual and physical differences. To talk about s*xuality in a church setting is to move away from "activity" and back to our origins. It can be incredibly eye-opening to reflect on what it means to be made in God's image and to further realize that who we are determines what we do.

Most of us have this backward, which is why it is difficult to heal addictions and change destructive patterns. We see those patters as defining us, rather than proceeding each day as redeemed children of the Living God. When we understand that it is our relationship with Christ that defines us, we can begin to examine our thoughts and behaviors in light of this - in age-and gender-appropriate settings. Of course, all of us fail at living as we ought. But, precisely because we all struggle, I believe talking about our shared struggles and pointing people to the Great Physician will be welcome in your church.

What do you think? Do you have thoughts or concerns to share? We'd love to hear from you.