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As a mom, I know how hard it can be to keep the home environment safe. Putting filters on the computer, checking reviews and ratings on movies and DVDs, enforcing time limits on video game play - these protections can create tension between parents and children, but ultimately you know they are needed to keep your children safe. Yet, parents must also consider what happens when our children walk outside the home we have spent so much time "danger-proofing." Will they remember the lessons we have been teaching? Will they respect the rules we have agreed on? What kind of protections will be in place at their friends' homes?
As a new school year comes around and brings new social opportunities with it, you might consider making a plan for your child's media use outside the home. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:
1. Review all rules for Internet and cellphone use with your children. Make sure they understand the rules apply to other homes as well. Communicate the responsibility you have entrusted to them and make sure they understand your trust can be lost with misbehavior.
2. Talk to the parents of your child's closest friends. In a non-accusatory manner, ask what kind of media rules and protections are in place. Be sure to communicate the limitations you wish to be in place when your child visits regarding movies, video games, etc. This is a good opportunity for you to be an advocate for media safety. Go to our resources section to gather the data you want to share with others.
3. Reach out to parents of new friends or the hosts of overnight or afterschool events. It is a good way to get to know who your child will be interacting with and you may even help another family put in place some helpful restrictions. I have even had parents call to discuss a particular movie or game they thought we might not approve of. After discussing the pros and cons, we have always been able to find a suitable compromise and have even received thanks for helping them begin the same practices for their family. (P.S. Your child should never be in the home of someone you do not know, especially for overnight visits.)
4. Continue to talk with your children about the reasons for your rules. Engaging in dialogue rather than simply handing down and strictly enforcing a list of rules is a way to maintain a strong relationship with your child and allows them to gain a measure of responsibility as they grow. While far from perfect, our kids have called to check in when something seemed outside set boundaries. This kind of mature behavior should be praised and encouraged.
5. Be on the watch for opportunities to praise your children's choices. We all appreciate positive reinforcement more than negative feedback. Encourage your children and let them know that you are proud of the decisions they are making. Chances are that some of their classmates are tempting them to make poor decisions. They want to know that you have their back and that you know they can make good choices. My friend's daughter said that in high school whenever she was experiencing peer pressure her mother's voice would pipe up in her head saying, "I am so proud that you make good choices." It really bugged her (ha) but nine times out of ten, it worked. (Those are pretty good odds if you ask me!)
This week our second oldest will head off to college. Of course, I am thinking of all the things I wish I would have said or done over the years to prepare him for being out in the big world. I guess it doesn't get easier. What is great, however, is seeing them navigate difficult situations and make wise choices based on that foundation of confidence, trust and respect you helped provide. Our children will make mistakes, but setting good boundaries in advance will certainly help them in the long run.
MaryAnn Gramig
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