"Help me, I want to change but for some reason I can't!"

 FOUR SECRETS FOR DEVELOPING THE HABIT MINDSET

Rhonda's face was red and her jaw clenched as she angrily walked toward the wedding chapel. Walking sheepishly behind her was my new-father-in-law-to-be Jessie.  

 It was September 6, 1997, my wedding day. Jessie was recovering from triple by-pass surgery.  He'd  promised to quit smoking, until that afternoon, everyone thought he had. He told us that he meant to quit and that he knew he should quit. 

 After getting 'caught' sneaking a smoke, he confessed  "It's hard!"  

After that incident he found a program and products to help him make the change, each of us also checked-in on progress regularly. He did finally quit.

Jessie's challenge is not unique - I see people struggle every day to change communication and work habits that are hurting their career and life success. 
Often the change is not life-threatening, but most  struggle to create new habits just the same.

There's a scientific reason that explains why this struggle occurs - its not that people are lazy or belligerent.

1) Provide a step-by-step structure, process or program that includes 'how to' steps. 

   (You can't just tell a manager or a sale rep to "listen more" and expect that a new habit will replace the old - provide a structure - for example our Listening Aggressively steps - RPSA.)

2) Provide practice during and after class 
  * Real-life role plays in class
  * Post class call check-ins 
  * Post class lunch and learns

3) Provide continuous feedback on progress:
  *Measure progress with      online surveys  Online Measurement
  *Teach company managers how to reinforce training Coaching Class

4) Hold people accountable for the change -  measure progress (see online measurement #3).  Describe the end goal and time frame specifically - and follow up.

Help the people you love and/or are leading - if they're struggling to change habits that are not serving them, don't assume that they're just belligerent or lazy.

 As their mentor/leader you can provide an environment that will help them develop the habit mindset by using these four secrets.

And we always keep in mind that ultimately people are  individually responsible for making changes and developing new  habits.

I just talked to my father-in-law Jessie this morning, ten years after our wedding day, the extra support is always worth it.

  
" There's a huge difference between conceptual learning and mastering a new skill.
It's the difference between knowing how to do something and being able to do it -
the challenge is to replace well-established behavior patterns with more     effective ones -
if you want to improve an employee's performance, you have to help 'rewire' the   neural network
 that enables the old behavior pattern."    Dr. Denny Coates, Train-To-Ingrain Guidebook