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 You Can't Leave a Person with Alzheimer's alone. Yes, you will be required to make a sacrifice if you decide to keep the person who is deeply forgetful at home.

  By Bob DeMarco, Alzheimer's Reading Room        

I am often asked why family caregivers cannot leave people with advanced dementia alone even for a "few hours" It took me a while to understand how my mother might be feeling when I went out and left her alone at home.

If possible, caregivers should keep in a notebook all the behaviors of a person who is deeply forgetful and looking for patterns that cause difficult, mean, or challenging behaviors.

The simple facts are that at a certain point in the development of dementia, as the dementia progresses, a person really cannot be left alone.

And the easiest way to understand this is that dementia patients do not "cope" well when left alone.

You could ask yourself this question. If the person who is left alone is angry when you return, how do you think they might have been feeling while you were gone?

Confused? Afraid? Abandoned?

Alzheimer's patients are very fragile. As the disease develops they don't have any real concept of time. To a person who is deeply forgetful 30 minutes might seem like an entire day.

For example, I might go to the store for 30 minutes and leave Dotty alone at home. To say the least, she would be angry when I returned.

Later that night she might say to my sister Joanne, "I don't know where he goes, he goes out all day long". She said this even though I was only gone for 30 minutes to the store.

Clearly she had no understanding or any memory of how long I was gone, and why I was gone.  

Dotty might also say, "I don't know what he is up to". This was code for Dotty thinking or believing I was going to put her in a "home". Like any feelings or emotions in any of us, if you let these types of thoughts build up over time it is likely that you are going to "lose" the dementia patient.

When I say, "lose" what I really mean is lose their trust. If they don't trust, or stop trusting you, you are really in for some very miserable times. If an Alzheimer's patient does not trust you they will become angry, irritable, challenging, and hard to deal with.  

When this happens you both suffer the burden. The person who is deeply forgetful becomes confused, then angry, and then they "act out". You on the other hand get left with an upset stomach and a very sore heart.

At least that is the way it felt to me.

Read the full article...    

Photo taken by Valerie Cipriano

"You don't get to

choose how you're going to die, or when.You can only decidehow you're going to live.

Now."

~ Joan Baez 

I have recently read this wonderful little story in a few publications, with no author attributed to it.  So we share it with our readers this month:

One Man's Simple Act of Kindness 

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.

'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice.

I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.

'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy,' she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.'

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

Read the full article...      

Elizabeth cruising through the grocery store and having a ball!

"Carpe diem!

Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have."

~ Horace

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

*

When in doubt, just take the next small step.  

*

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

*

Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

*

You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

*

Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

*

When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

*

Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea
what their journey is all about.

*

Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living,
or get busy dying.

*

It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the
second one is up to you and no one else.

*

When it comes to going after what you love in life,
don't take no for an answer.

*

The best is yet to come.

KUDOS from Kelly

         By Kelly McNamara

Klohie Albertina  Klohie is still a relatively new employee with us. She has done several relief shifts for summer vacations of other caregivers and has been very well liked by all the clients for whom she has cared. On one particular relief shift she was caring for G.L. for a few days and became concerned about her condition. She was new to the client, of course, and had only known her a few days, but her acute assessment skills told her something was definitely amiss. She immediately called the office and described her client's symptoms and her concerns. We were similarly concerned, contacted her physician, who recommended she be seen in the Emergency Room right away. Val, our manager immediately whisked off Klohie and her client to the E.R. where she was evaluated and admitted for several days for treatment. Fast thinking, Klohie! She has recently begun a permanent case with a lovely couple, RD and MD, and is doing a wonderful job. Thanks, Klohie so much for all you do every day!   

All caregivers mentioned in this column will receive a gift card and our sincere appreciation! Many many thanks to all of you for once again extending yourselves to ensure that we are of course Always There...!!      

 Providers We Love   

We are privileged to have received referrals from and be able to coordinate care with many Assisted Living facilities, rehab facilities, and Medicare Home Care and Hospice agencies.   Our growth is in large part due to the trust the staff in these organizations have put in our caregivers. We are likewise impressed with them and we are committed to referring to them on a regular basis

Miller Memorial Community, Meriden

Another long-term favorite of ours, Miller boasts extraordinary therapists and nursing staff who work wonders for patients undergoing rehab there. They do such a great job, we are happy to continue to help their patients return to their normal lives at home. Miller boasts an active and effective short-term rehab in addition to high quality long-term care. In addition Miller operates an active outpatient rehab facility for folks who have been discharged to home but miss the folks at Miller and can receive the same quality therapy in an outpatient setting. Our clients continue to visit after discharge, just to see their friends on the staff again!

Arbor Rose Assisted Living, New Britain

Arbor Rose boasts a wonderful and caring group of staff, activity folks who keep life interesting for residents and a very welcoming environment for our pet therapy program. Our caregivers who are providing service for some residents at Arbor Rose have determined that Arbor Rose serves the best food and has the friendliest and most attentive dining staff of any facility in which they've worked. High praise indeed! Arbor Rose is the perfect environment for those who want to age in place gracefully and well cared for. Thanks to our colleagues at Arbor Rose for their continued support and trust in our caregivers. It is always a pleasure to work with all of you!

Vitas Hospice Waterbury, Fairfield, Hartford

We are always proud to refer our clients to Vitas Hospice. Their beautiful new acute care inpatient unit at St Mary's is just another reason to refer folks there who are struggling with their family members care under hospice. Vitas has distinguished itself on its response time, it's amazing and unique Veterans program and its commitment to providing continuous care (24 hour care by Vitas staff LPNs or CNAs at Medicare's expense). Continuous Care is provided by Vitas when clients are actively dying or need short-term symptom management. The vast majority of people have expressed their desire to end their lives at home in peace and comfort. Vitas excels in this area. We are proud to be a referral partner.

Seabury Active Living Retirement Community, Bloomfield

One of Connecticut's first retirement communities, Seabury has grown impressively from its original facility. The sprawling campus now boasts several individual residences, from apartments to substantial single homes. Their memory care unit is superb. The surroundings provide lovely views in all seasons. An immense fitness facility, including a large pool promotes continued fitness of older adults. Seabury boasts an impressive participation of its residents in the fitness facility. Seabury also has an innovative Life Care program and Seabury at Home service. Their home care program provides both Medicare as well as home private duty services for the community and surrounding area. It is a privilege to work in co-operation with them.  

Apple Rehab Coccomo Rehabilitation Facility, Meriden  We have long been fans of all the Apple facilities. They currently own and manage 26 rehab health care centers throughout the state of CT. Coccomo has distinguished itself by their state of the art equipment, recently renovated facility in Meriden (It's really lovely) and outstanding staff members, most of whom are long standing Apple employees. They provide a full range of therapies as well as Rehab team home safety evaluations, family & resident educational groups, support groups and many other services designed to make the rehab experience a pleasant as well as therapeutic experience for both the patient and family.

Regional Hospice and Home Care of Western CT, Danbury

Regional Hospice has been serving the residents of Danbury and western CT for decades. Their community programs are impressive, they care for both children and adults and provide palliative and hospice care in a very professional and compassionate manner. We have been so impressed with their end of life care to both patients and families. It is an honor to work with them to meet all the needs of their hospice clients.

We are happy to report that several folks have told us theyuse this column when seeking a provider for themselves or their family members. We take our recommendations of providers very seriously. Please consider our favorites in deciding care for yourself or your family members. We would choose any of them for our loved ones. ■