Keeping Your Agreements
How effective are you at keeping the agreements you make - those commitments you make to others and those commitments you make to yourself?
The cost you pay for not keeping your agreements may not seem like much at the time, but the true cost is a cumulative cost, a cost that, over time, will significantly erode (1) the trust others place in you, (2) your personal integrity, (3) your self-esteem, (4) your self-confidence and (5) your self-respect. A high cost indeed.
EVERY agreement you make is ultimately with yourself. Even when you are making an agreement with someone else, your brain hears it and registers it as a commitment. You are making an agreement with yourself to do something, and when you don't follow through, you learn to distrust yourself. The result is a chipping-away of your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-respect. You lose faith in your ability to produce a result. You weaken your sense of integrity.
When you realize how important your integrity and self-esteem really are, you will stop making casual agreements just to get someone off your back. You won't sell your self-esteem for a little bit of momentary approval. You won't make agreements you don't intend to keep. You will make fewer agreements, and you will do whatever it takes to keep them.
Finally, if you want to have the respect and trust of others, which is absolutely critical to accomplishing anything big and important in life, then you will take keeping all your agreements with absolute seriousness.
Here are some tips for making fewer agreements and for keeping the ones you do make:
Make Only Agreements You Intend to Keep.
Take a few seconds before making an agreement to see if it is really what you WANT to do. Check in with yourself - how do you really feel about it? Don't make an agreement just because you are looking for someone's approval. If you do, you'll find yourself breaking these commitments more often than not.
Write Down ALL the Agreements You Make.
Use your calendar, daily planning book, to do/task list, notebook or PDA to record ALL of your agreements. In the course of a week, you might enter into dozens of agreements. One of the BIG reasons we don't keep our agreements is that with the daily press of our activities, we simply forget many of the agreements we have made. Write them down, and then review the list at the end of every day. You may have great intentions, but if you forget to do what you agreed to do, the result is the same as your choosing not to keep the agreement.
Communicate Any Broken Agreement at the First Appropriate Time.
As soon as you know you're going to have a broken agreement - your car won't start, you're caught in traffic, your child is sick, your computer crashes, another deadline shifts - notify the other person as soon as possible, and then renegotiate the agreement. This demonstrates respect for others' time and their needs. It also gives them time to reschedule, replan, make other arrangements, and limit any potential damage. If the first appropriate time is after the fact, still let them know that you have a broken agreement, clean up any consequences, and decide whether to recommit to the agreement.
Learn to Say "NO" More Often.
Give yourself time to think it over before making any new agreements. Develop the habit of saying "No" when appropriate. Always ask yourself the question: "What am I going to have to give up, if I say "Yes" to this agreement." Saying "No" is empowering and builds self-confidence and self-esteem. Saying "Yes", and then breaking the commitment, does the exact opposite - lowering your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-respect.
Evaluate yourself at least once a week on how well you're keeping your agreements. Put the above tips and techniques into play. Begin today.
