I first got turned on to Tim Sanders when a friend loaned me one of his books, "Saving the World at Work", in which he proposes that companies need to go beyond making a profit and start making a difference. I liked much of what he had to say, which sent me looking for other things he'd written...which is when I came across "The Likeability Factor: How to Boost Your L-Factor and Achieve Your Life's Dreams." While I think the title of the book is a little on the hyperbolic side, Sanders has done us the favor of amassing both scientific and anecdotal evidence on why being liked is critical when it comes to both business and personal success.

Sanders defines likeability as the ability to create positive attitudes in other people through the delivery of emotional and physical benefits. When we like someone, we feel a greater sense of joy, happiness, relaxation or rejuvenation when we're around them. And if we're depressed, full of anxiety or bored, being with people we like lessens those feelings. When we're likeable and can generate those positive feelings in other people, it puts us on the receiving end of a positive choice. For example, studies done by Columbia University find that colleagues who are well liked at work are recommended for fast-track promotions and generous pay raises. Doctors give more time to patients they like. Juries not only want to award compensation to plaintiffs they like, the amount of compensation they give is higher. And when it comes to politics, only one of three factors - issues, party affiliation and likeability - has been consistent in predicting final election results - and that factor is likeability.

The Four Components of Likeability

According to Sanders, there are four components of likeability:

1. Friendliness. This seems like a no-brainer. If we perceive that someone likes us, we're more inclined to like them back. Well, duh. But here's something I didn't know. An unfriendly first encounter can create a big roadblock to future likeability. When we run across someone who's unfriendly, our bodies react by deploying cortisol, "the stress hormone". This release of cortisol into our bloodstream creates physical discomfort, which can include a pounding chest, the sweats, even minor shaking. Simply seeing the person who was initially unfriendly to us can cause these symptoms to reappear. No wonder "first impressions" count.
2. Relevance. Even if people are friendly, we have little reason to care about them unless we connect with them in some way. Relevance is stronger when we uncover our mutual interests or when the personal value proposition we offer meets another person's needs and wants. For example, I have an acquaintance living in Ireland. She and I are in touch, on a superficial level. But if I suddenly had to travel to Ireland on a work related issue, she would become more relevant to me.
3. Empathy. The degree to which someone else understands us makes them more likeable to us. Conversely, the degree to which others feel that we understand them, that we can imagine ourselves in their position and understand their feelings, desires, ideas and/or actions, the more apt they are to like us. Empathy enhances likeability - it helps us feel appreciated, validated and less alone.
4. Realness. Likeable people are real. No lying. No hypocrisy. No insincerity. We like people who are authentic.

Boosting Your L-Factor

Of course, we'd only have half a book if Sanders didn't go on to outline just how we can boost our own L-Factor. We don't have the space to give you a complete rundown on how you can become more likeable (nor do you have the time to read it now). If your interest is piqued, you'll have to get the book. But I want to mention the one component that may be the most difficult to get a handle on - realness.

I know, you're probably thinking, "I know who I am and what I value." I'm pretty confident of that myself. I'm conscious to exaggerate less. I've learned to say "I don't know" when I don't know. I haven't forgotten where I've come from. And I'm pretty good about spot-checking my behavior to see if I'm being consistent with what I say I value. However, there were two pieces of "homework" I found challenging.

• Identify the 31 words that describe the real you.
• Create your own personal history chart - a graphic which represents you.

I'm still working on the 31 words. And so far, the graphic's a mess. What about you? Can you write down 31 words that describe the real you? And how are you at charting?

Curious about your own L-Factor? Check out the short entry below.