Recently, a client showed me an email he received from one of his team members. He was ticked off at what he perceived to be a curt and aggressive message. Wondering if he was overreacting, he asked me to take a look at it. While I'm not sure the sender meant to come off as either curt or aggressive, I understood why my client perceived the message as such. Three short, rat-a-tat style sentences, containing several words all in caps; no salutation; no sign off and no context, meaning no back story regarding the message or in what environment the conclusions expressed were drawn. In general, a message that was easily misinterpreted, something that happens all too often in the world of emails. I remembered coming across a reference to a product called ToneCheck and made a mental note to check it out later to see if it might be something my client could share with his team.

I looked through my files and there it was - a short article on ToneCheck, a new "emotional spell checker" tool, created by Lymbix, that alerts users before they hit the "send" button by flagging emails that contain language that could be perceived as emotionally charged. (Lymbix CEO Mark Eldridge admits that sarcasm and irony are hard to detect, which is too bad for me since most of my friends seem to be either sarcastic or ironic.) According to research done by Lymbix, text-based communication is having a profound impact on relationships and productivity, much of it negative. Email presents endless possibilities for misunderstandings - recipients correctly interpret the tone of emails only about 50% of the time.

My first reaction? "What a terrific idea!" Then I thought about it...and changed my mind. I mean, come on. Do we really need an app for this? Why not develop our capacity to recognize feelings (our own and others') and manage those feelings instead? Why not develop our ability to act wisely in the way we interact with people, instead of downloading a gadget to do it for us? [Daniel Goleman IDs the former as Emotional Intelligence (EI) and the latter as Social Intelligence (SI).] These are skills we need to be effective communicators, whether by email or any other medium. These are skills we need to be effective in life.

Don't get me wrong. I love technology. But it's a blade that cuts two ways. While it opens the world to us, it also makes it easier to duck accountability when it comes to human relations. Email can be quick and easy - it isn't always. Think of how many times you've gotten an email that turns into a dozen back-and-forth comments. And frankly, sometimes email is simply inappropriate, devoid of non-verbal messages and vocal tones which lend nuance to our words and invest them with emotional context.

By developing our EI and SI, we'll know when the "tone" of our emails is on the mark. We'll also know when to forgo email and use a personal touch. Until then, consider this advice. If there's even a remote possibility that your message will be misconstrued - or you're dealing with a sensitive issue - choose to communicate face-to-face. Barring that, pick up the phone. Any message that carries the risk of misunderstanding should definitely be delivered off-line.