I am delighted to have the opportunity to introduce myself to you.  In July of 1993, at the age of 24 and shortly after giving birth to my first child, my life changed drastically.  My mother passed away.  It was sudden and painfully unexpected.  She was a victim of breast cancer and she had only told a few people.  I was not one of them.  I guess you can say, she spared me some degree of  pain and anxiety

Nevertheless, I spent the first 11 years grieving.  When there was extra time, I drilled myself to make some sense of how "MY MOTHER" could have been taken out of my life, by such a senseless disease (Breast Cancer). Since that tragic day,  I have matured.  I have come to realize that I am just "one" of many children whose mother's has been taken away because of the offensive and defeating characteristics of breast cancer.

 

I've always found my mother's story to be sad and alarming.   Through humility and, obviously, acute pain, she maintained her work status to achieve "retirement"; she looked forward to retiring.  Within 2 months of retiring,  breast cancer took her life.  She was obviously embarrassed to have lost so much hair; she only weighed a bit over 90lbs., during her last days.  Perhaps, she struggled to achieve the norm, because she didn't want the rest of the community to notice that she had such a deadly disease.   She spent her last days, sick, ashamed and often alone due to the aggressiveness of breast cancer.  I have ached for her for many years.  I recalled my father expressing to me, in very graphic terms, how he had cried so many tears; and that some of them had fallen into the plates of food, that he graciously prepared for her, during the days that he knew she was failing in health.

As a woman who considered herself to be, at times, a motherless child,  I was angry for a very long time.  Angry at myself, for not being more "aware" of what breast cancer was and how it could so easily take a life.  Angry for not being there, at her bedside, during the hardest times and not being there to hold her hand to laugh and smile back when she had better ones. Angry at my mother (strange, but true) for leaving me.   For years, I asked over and over; at times, wishing I could just scratch the answer out of my head.  How could I have not seen the progression of this disease, as it took over her life?  Later in life, I was able to understand and accept that I was obviously in denial and could never have seen the horrible reality anyway.  I wanted her to be here forever!  Besides, who would help me spoil that beautiful new baby girl? 

A few years ago, things changed.  God placed various people in my life and placed me in distinct places, at specific times.  This transition ushered in change; a breath of life!  I started to heal and forgive!!!  The biggie was that I needed to forgive my mother ( I was really angry with her for my own selfish reasons, but I held it in so beautifully).  I began to take a different approach.  No more anger!  No more denial!  For surely, my heart had been abused enough by now.  Throughout my healing process, I became very clear about the things that plagued me and stagnated the essence of who I am.  Its crazy, but this had gone on for over 10 years!  I became passionate about life and the lessons it had to teach me.  I have embraced life and have since been hanging on to its big toe!  (For balance, of course!) Realizing all the while, what a fabulous, beautiful and powerful woman my mother has left to do this work... to honor her struggle and her memory by supporting women and enhancing their lives.