| What Friends Do
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Remember the whole family! Family members are also going through a lot, so do something fun for them too; movie passes, family dvd's, something fun for the kids. |
| What Friends GIVE |
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Looking for that special gift to help your friend, or just to put a smile on someone's face?
These colorful tulips will bloom in the spring and will always represent the fall of '07 - whether as a remembrance of a loved one, the welcome of a new baby (or babies!) or the challenge of an illness. |
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Special Days
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The WhatFriendsDo.com concept of "celebrating" special days allows friends to stay in touch from near and far, during happy times and difficult times. |
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October 1 - World Vegetarian Day
October 2 - National Custodial Worker Day
October 3 - Tell A Friend Day
October 4 - Basket Day
October 5 - Do Something Nice Day
October 6 - Come and Take it Day
October 6 - Frugal Fun Day
October 6 - Mad Hatter Day
October 7 - World Smile Day
October 8 - Ring-A-Ding Day
October 9 - Curious Events Day
October 9 - Fire Prevention Day
October 10 - Angel Food Cake Day
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| "When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it." |
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--Edgar Watson Howe |
Check out WhatFriendsDo
in the News!
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WhatFriendsDo.com
October Newsletter |
Greetings!
Welcome to the WhatFriendsDo.com newsletter - delivering helpful tips, resources and ideas to your Inbox. |
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Using WhatFriendsDo.com
WhatFriendsDo.com provides many ways to stay connected to a friend who is going through a life-changing event. Visiting your friend's team page is important. Your friend doesn't know you're visiting, though, unless you "interact" with the team page. There is no "best way" and no "right way". The important thing is that you maintain contact, in whatever way is best for you and your friend.
The Guestbook is great for posting 'hello/thinking of you' messages. Your friend will read and re-read these messages, and it allows your friend to receive constant communication whenever he/she is ready for it. The Guestbook is also a good place to comment on pictures posted on the website, too.
The Blog serves as an online diary of your friend's journey. Adding comments to the blog gives extra dialogue about that particular part of the journey. Your comments help validate and reinforce your friend, and they let your friend know you're actually reading the blog!
The Help Scheduler is where you can 'sign up' to help with whatever tasks your team coordinator has listed. Your team coordinator is in regular contact with your friend and his/her family, and is adding help items that your friend needs/wants. Check the schedule often, and offer your help!
While keeping in touch online is a great thing, it doesn't replace human contact. Your friend needs to hear the voices of caring people, and have face to face (or hug to hug!) visits. Oftentimes people going through illness, grief, parenting a newborn or moving into a new house aren't always ready for a phone call or a visit. If you're unsure about calling your friend or visiting in person, use the Email feature of the team page to contact your team coordinator and get his/her feedback. And if a phone call/personal visit doesn't seem appropriate right now, don't take it personally. Just keep on staying in touch! After all, troubles come to pass, they don't come to stay. And your friend will be forever grateful that you've cared enough to travel this journey by his/her side. |
A Special Message
Family illness can loom so large that everyone gets centered on medical issues and their own fears of what's coming. When Laura got sick we were very fortunate in having wonderful friends who helped us keep joy and laughter in our lives as well as great practical support and caring.
It all started when Stephanie stepped up to be the information source for friends and family via email. Soon this email group had a name - Laura's Team, and blue rubber bracelets to share with anyone who wanted to wear one. The team grew amazingly and included even many people who never met Laura but had heard her story and wanted to help. Then a website was set up which enabled scheduling and shared planning with excellent results.
Laura and I enjoyed encouraging messages, wonderful dinners, holiday celebrations, cheerful visits and LOTS of surprises. We also had quiet time when needed.
Caring people sometimes have a hard time knowing what to do, or worry about intruding. Laura's Team had inspired coordination from Fran, Stephanie and Aimee. Because of their own experiences they knew the kind of support that would help best and often asked for feedback to make sure they were on track. We all felt surrounded by comforting friends and Laura knew she was greatly loved.
I fully expect that WhatFriendsDo.com will enable countless friends and family to reach out to each other more effectively through tough times, as Laura's Team helped us through ours.
Laura's Mom |
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Accepting Help is Hard to Do!
Offering help to a friend in need is what friends do. And, unfortunately, saying "thanks, but I really don't need anything" is also what friends do. Hearing these words makes people think everything is OK, or that their help really isn't needed/wanted. What is often meant by the words "I don't need anything" is "my situation is not so awful that I need/deserve help", "do I appear helpless to you?", "I'd really rather just be left alone right now."
All of these things are valid and real. Human nature to the words "I don't need help" is to step away -- slowly at first -- and then to forget that help might be needed after all. And offers of help may make some people feel inadequate, or as though they are imposing on others.
The old phrase "life goes on" has both negative and positive connotations. People get busy with their own lives, and they tend to forget that those grieving the loss of a loved one, or someone with a long-term illness or a sick family member now live a new 'normal'. Life may now mean daily doctor appointments and hospital visits. It may now mean 20 diapers to change each day. It may mean evening meals with an empty chair where a loved one used to sit. With this 'new normal' friends are needed more than ever.
Keep in mind, too, that your friend is going through something that he/she may have no experience with, so there are many new feelings and emotions as well as tasks to deal with. What your friend may not need or want help with today, he/she may need/want help with next week or next month.
One way to make a friend going through a difficult situation more comfortable with accepting help is to ask this question: "If I was going through what you're going through, would you help me? Would you bring me dinner, would you drive my kids to soccer practice, would you come to my house to mop floors or do laundry?" Seeing themselves as the friend GIVING the help rather than RECEIVING the help can often put people at ease with accepting kind offers.
Don't force help, and be very considerate of your friend's privacy. When offering your help, offer something specific, and give your friend choices as well as an "easy out." For example: "I'd like to bring dinner for your family. Would it be better if I drop something off next week one night, have pizza delivered, or would you prefer I check back with you next week?" If your friend declines your offer, accept the answer, send an encouraging note, and then check the WhatFriendsDo.com special cheer dates and find a creative way to do something for your friend!
Hindsight is often 20/20, and looking back, a friend will see that the journey was so much easier with friends involved. | |
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We might not be able to change the outcome of your situation, but we hope we can change the journey!
WhatFriendsDo.com Staff
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