English, Math, Science, student council, prom committee, varsity soccer, after school jobs - the pressure is on for teenagers today. Juggling it all and trying to strive for perfection at the same time can be tough. Teenagers in our society face unique and often unbearable pressure to look and act a certain way.  

At such an awkward time, they are forced to figure out who they are while their bodies are making the transition into adulthood. They juggle school, peer pressure, and family while trying to find their independence at the same time.  

And in the midst of it all, they may not like all the changes they see and can become increasingly self-conscious about their bodies or certain facial features.  

We're probably forgetting some of those pressures of high school, which feel so much bigger living through them.  

Good grades, fitting in, being thin & pretty, college, boys, approval, girls, extra curricular activities, etc.  

For teens living it, the pressure for perfection is huge. Boys and girls today experience intense pressure, at ever younger ages, to be everything to everyone all of the time.  Girls are particularly frustrated with the growing expectations that girls should please everyone, be very thin, and dress "right."  

And while stereotypes about girls' leadership capabilities and math and science abilities have diminished, persistent gender stereotypes and escalating stress levels limit girls' potential and undermine their quality of life. Girls today are fixating on their flaws, causing them to belittle themselves and even take destructive action.  

The onslaught of messages and images they constantly receive sets an unrealistic standardd of beauty.

• 58 percent of girls describe themselves in negative terms, including words like "disgusting" and "ugly," when feeling badly about themselves.
• 76 percent of girls and young women admit to partaking in unhealthy activities when they feel badly about their bodies.
• 93 percent of girls and young women report feeling anxiety or stress about some aspect of their looks when getting ready in the morning.
• More than one out of 10 boys and girls has used cutting or self-inflicted injury as a coping mechanism.
• More than 70 percent of girls and young women avoid activities when they feel bad about their looks including giving their opinion, attending school and even going to the doctor.
• Nearly four out of 10 teens (boys and girls) engage in unhealthy eating behaviors, such as anorexia or bulimia.
• The average person sees between 400 and 600 advertisements per day - equivalent to more than one message for every waking minute.
• The average US boy and girl has the opportunity to see an estimated 77,546 commercials by the time they are 12 years old. 

Ask any teen to name a famous young celebrity - usual suspects will probably come to mind. But, the field is wider than previously believed. So many teens today in endless areas of success seem to live lives teens, especially girls, aspire to want to have, promising stratospheric success and impossible standards of perfection.  

Whether they be teen actors, musicians, athletes, writers or models, at times it can give the impression that if you are not one of these categories, you are the 'odd one out'. And it doesn't stop there.  

Wanting to achieve sometimes impossible standards of perfection and success can lead to competition, creating a divide between so-called 'success' and 'non-success.' But, does this competition really end up giving girls a sense of pride or achievement? Or is it just a case of 'setting yourself up to fall?'  

"High achieving teens are difficult" to like as they are very self-centered. So, should teens not be creating dreams of success, sky high careers and awards? Should we not be trying to recreate the success of other lucky/pretty/rich/talented teens?  

The key is not to obsess, but to find a middle ground. The best bet seems to be to have dreams, work hard to get them...but don't let it rule your life.  

Have back up plans, and dream 'in moderation'.

• Be there to listen, comfort, and help your teen think of solutions to problems and offer support when troubles arise.
• Encourage your teen to talk about everyday experiences and put feelings, needs, disappointments, successes, and opinions into words.
• Focus on positives. While it helps to talk about troubles, avoid dwelling on them. Make sure what's good about life gets airtime, too.
• Let your teen know you'll be there to talk to when feelings are painful or troubles seem too hard to bear.
• Spend time together doing something fun, relaxing, or just hanging out. You might take a walk, go for a drive, share a snack, or run some errands.

Set a good example. Be aware that you can influence how your child responds to stress and pressure by setting a good example. Notice how you manage your own emotions, deal with everyday frustrations, stress, and pressure.  

Notice whether you tend to be self-critical, quick to anger, or put others down. Consider making changes in any patterns you wouldn't want your teen to imitate. 

The term "relational aggression" is used to describe a type of bullying primarily used by pre-adolescent and adolescent girls to victimize other girls-a covert use of relationships as weapons to inflict emotional pain. Researchers have found that, contrary to popular belief, girls are not less aggressive than boys, they are just more subtle or covert in their use of aggression. Knowing that your child is the victim of any act of bullying can be devastating to a parent.  

Understanding the nature of relational aggression can help detect harassment and help children learn to respond and seek support.Acts of relational aggression are common among girls in American schools. These acts can include rumor spreading, secret-divulging, alliance-building, backstabbing, ignoring, excluding from social groups and activities, verbally insulting, and using hostile body language (i.e., eye-rolling and smirking). Other behaviors include making fun of someone's clothes or appearance and bumping into someone on purpose. Many of these behaviors are quite common in girls' friendships, but when they occur repeatedly to one particular victim, they constitute bullying.

Relational aggression tends to be most intense and apparent among girls in fifth through eighth grade. This type of behavior often continues, although perhaps to a somewhat lesser degree, in high school. Although most common during the school day, relational aggression can occur in other settings such as the neighborhood or community activities. The usual motivation behind acts of relational aggression is to socially isolate the victim while also increasing the social status of the bully.  

Perpetrators might be driven by jealousy, need for attention, anger, and fear of (or need for) competition. One reason girls choose this type of bullying rather than more direct acts of harassment is that the bully typically avoids being caught or held accountable. Girls who appear the most innocent may indeed be the most hostile in their actions. These bullies are often popular, charismatic girls who are already receiving positive attention from adults.  

Because of their positive reputations, these girls may be the least likely suspects. Thus it can be very difficult to identify the perpetrators of acts of relational aggression, and victims can suffer for long periods of time without support.Relational aggression can be devastating. Loss of friendships and social standing are psychologically damaging; the isolation and harassment can be unbearable for the victim. Girls are particularly vulnerable because of the high value they typically place on friendships. Victims sometimes feel that they are in part to blame and therefore deserve to be isolated. The isolation makes them feel socially inept and unattractive, and thus more deserving of isolation. When their teen daughters appear sullen, secretive and moody, many parents attribute these behaviors to normal hormonal changes and adolescent rebellion; however, these may well be symptoms that the girl is a victim of relational aggression. School absences, anxiety, depression, and long-term mental health concerns can all be consequences of relational aggression. Victims of relational aggression often experience a range of difficulties in school, where much of the harassment takes place. Seemingly harmless school activities become painful experiences. Victims may struggle to find a seat in the lunchroom, participate in team projects, work with a partner in science, or join a team in gym class. These students feel vulnerable, and the problem is invisible to school faculty.  

Hallways, cafeterias, buses, and locker rooms all are places that may cause anxiety. Students may become so anxious that worries about being harassed or excluded replace concern for academic achievement. In fact, it has been reported that 160,000 students each year fail to attend school out of fear of relational aggression. Adult support is typically needed to address relational aggression.  

Girls are seldom willing to stand up for themselves out of fear of further harassment and isolation. Adults can help prevent victimization by encouraging activities that counteract the impact of and opportunity for bullying.


 

Some people say they cut or burn themselves to ease emotional distress.  

A new study finds there may be something to it, at least for those with borderline personality disorder. Individuals with borderline personality disorder experience intense emotions and often show a deficiency of emotion regulation skills, researchers say.  

These people also display high prevalence rates of self-injurious behavior. Over the last couple decades, more young people appear to be pulling out razor blades and lighters in order to injure themselves.

Their intent is not to die, just to inflict harm, a behavior known as non-suicidal self-injury. There are no specific treatments for non-suicidal self-injury, although a technique known as dialectical behavioral therapy, used for borderline personality disorder, has been employed with some success.

Aspiro Wilderness Adventure Therapy is a premier Youth program for struggling and troubled teens ages 13-18.