The dirty little secret about addictions is that relapsing is the rule, not the exception. Up to 80 percent of those treated for an addiction will relapse at least once. Between 60 and 90 percent of those in treatment relapse within a year, and those who are not in treatment and feel they can quit on their own relapse at even a higher rate.

Even minor bad habits are hard to break: People make the same New Year's Resolution for an average of five years running before they maintain then change for even six months.

When it comes to major behavioral changes - anything from losing weight to quitting alcohol or drugs - few people do it perfectly the first time. For most, it is a long and winding road.

Yet many people do overcome their bad habits - eventually.

A long-term study reveals that for cocaine addicts who had gone through treatment, more than half were still clean five years later. Relapse is distressingly common - it also is just a stumbling block on the road to recovery. In fact, when handles the right way. a relapse can actually open the door to lasting success.  Overcoming a habit is understood to be a slow and halting process that is plagued with slip-ups and setbacks.

This understanding is motivated in part by evidence from neuroscience that addictions change the brain in ways that can take a long time to undo. Once addiction sets in, it takes on a character of a chronic illness. It is then very difficult for people to maintain behavioral change. Relapse is considered a part of the condition. It's like learning to ride a bicycle.  Everyone falls at least once. A relapse can provide useful information.

When not in treatment a relapse can spiral into a full-blown crisis. One of the reasons relapses are so common is that temptations seem to emerge out of nowhere. Being around others who have addictions and are not in treatment are powerful triggers. No surprise there. The number-one predictor of lapses is emotional: the level of "negative affect" during the four to five hours leading up to the relapse.

Anger, anxiety, depression, and upset are the most powerful, including a bad mood that ramps up over a period of hours.

It is not a matter of days, it is a matter of hours and minutes.

Life can come at all of us rather fast sometimes. Those who are in the thrall of a life-threatening or mind-altering addiction need professional help to analyze triggers and come up with a coping plan. One person might be vulnerable to boredom, another to stress. It's like disaster preparedness - you need to have a disaster kit with you at all times. Three potential triggers are:

1. Your friends want to take you out. You more than likely will remember the bonding and not the bad consequences of getting high together. Stay out of bars, go to a cafe.
2. You have a fight with your girlfriend / boyfriend / parents / partner / spouse, and now you are brooding. The biggest predictor of relapses in one study was a negative mood that gets worse over a period of hours. Anger, anxiety and tension fester and build. When this happens know that you risk relapsing for an entire day. Go bowling, create a project, engage in exercise. Get distracted so you move into a better frame of mind. 
3. Everyone is getting together for a celebration. You don't want to look bad if you skip the celebration, however, you know of you go, you are bound to drink. Walk in armed with your own drinks and keep one in your hands at all times. Keep your hands full with snacks and healthy drinks. You will leave the celebration feeling happy.

A wide range of coping techniques can be effective. The work of kicking an addiction may never fully be complete. As with a "chronic disease" you may be in remission but not fully cured.

Even long after vanquishing an old bad habit, it is not entirely erased from the brain - on a biological level, the connections are still there. Continued "booster shots" of treatment may be necessary. Addicts cannot just turn the light switch off.

So the real milestone to celebrate is not the day you quit, or even your 20-year anniversary.  It is every day you stay clean and sober. It is those nights you decide to go home before you backslide because you would rather get up in the morning for a run. Eventually, moment by moment, the little successes add up. The result: one big triumph, and most likely a happier and longer life.

Family Solutions Teen Help is an information website for families with troubled teens and young adults.

AGE: Grade School

DO THIS: Get them a library card. Make sure they pay any fines.

LESSON: When you borrow something, you are responsible for giving it back.

 
AGE: PRETEEN

DO THIS: Lend them money if they want to spend more than they have. Charge them interest and agree on a payback schedule beforehand.

LESSON: Borrowed money is not free, and interest can add up fast.

AGE: FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL TO FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE

DO THIS: Once they have a paying job, add them as an authorized user of a low amount credit card, Establish how much they can spend without approval and what the penalty is for breaking the rules. Enforce the rules.

LESSON: This is what it is like to deal with real credit card companies when you are on your own.

AGE: UPPERCLASSMAN IN COLLEGE

DO THIS: Co-sign a card of their own. Assuming they have stuck to the previous agreement and used the card responsibly, they are ready to fly solo.

REMEMBER: You are still on the hook if they fail to make their payments.