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"The most powerful way parents can help their children be positive is to be a living example of positivity and love themselves."
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"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do something I can do."
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"Pathways is an Experience Based training which allows individuals to achieve and create their own results. When you lecture people, they will most likely lose the information within several weeks; however if they work to achieve their own 'conclusions / truths', then that information will most likely remain with them for the rest of their life."
Dr. Phil McGraw, Founder and Creator
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| SUGGESTED READING FROM HFS |
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THE BIGGEST JOB WE'LL EVER HAVE
For families, educators, corporations, and communities, The Biggest Job We'll Ever Have is nothing less than a new paradigm for reconnecting education with core values. With more than thirty-five years' experience at Hyde, an organization of internationally known, award-winning schools and programs, Laura and Malcolm Gauld argue persuasively that true education for our children springs not just from seeking good grades and achievements but from reestablishing a true commitment to character, attitude, and a sense of purpose.
To purchase this invaluble publication, please visit the Troubled Teen Help site. While browsing in our store,you may want to purchase some of the other phenominal resources we have available as well.
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JANUARY RESOLUTION:
Face fear and embrace change.
MOTIVATOR:
Remember that the only walls, locked doors or prisons in our lives are the ones we allow to remain!
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Greetings!
10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Although the countdown for 2010 has concluded, many of us may still be facing other 'count downs' in our life. Some of you may have been faced with dealing with a struggling adolescent, teen or young adult and some may be in the midst of determining what step to take next in locating resources as to better meet the needs of those struggling.
At Horizon Family Solutions, we are constantly seeking new ways to connect families with the numerous options available for providing not only hope, but real solutions for their specific needs.
It is our prayer and earnest desire to offer a "Bridge of Hope" and make the immediate needs of your family our top priority. We understand that parenting does not come with an instruction manual and that sorting through the myriad of available options in the midst of a teen's downward spiral can be overwhelming. May you find each monthly issue of Building Bridges for Families a resource, a tool or just a simple reminder that you aren't alone in your struggles and that help does exist!
In outlining the articles for each monthly newsletter, the overall theme that resonated was to touch on the different emotions and struggles that continually seem to occur with families. It seemed only appropriate to discuss Fear of Change in our first issue.
We all think of January as the time of year for a fresh start, a new beginning. "What is your New Years Resolution?" seems to be the most frequently asked question amongst family, friends and coworkers.
For me, the word 'resolution' encourages me to rethink decisions I've made and how they impacted my life. To recommit to decisions that I made but possibly neglected to honor for various reasons. And yes, possibly reinvent areas of my life that keep awakening to the same dead end street wrought with familiar feelings of insecurities and inadequacies.
Change can be a frightening word for some and a motivator to others. I have found that if we are scared of change, then we must first accept that we have a FEAR and then seek the necessary tools to help reconstruct our thoughts.
May you be as blessed reading my thoughts, as I have been in preparing them. I am grateful to be working in a field that allows me to keep myself ever mindful of where I've been as a parent and how these experiences can be used as hope to others.
Happy New Year! Dawn |
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Where Does the Path Lead......
It's that time of year again where the buzz word is "RESOLUTION". RESOLUTION/ a solution, accommodation, or settling of a problem, controversy, etc....
For many, the mere thought of making resolutions can create anxiety, because at the root of the word, we know that 'change' is involved. The beginning of a new year is about reflecting on our past as much as carving a path for our future.
It's quite possible that some of you have been sitting on the proverbial fence agonizing over your teen's behavior. You are living the harsh reality that your teens life has become unmanageable; not only for themselves, but for you as parents. When speaking with parents about their options I often offer the following analogy. It's what I refer to as the "Splinter Theory".
As you ponder which step of action to take next, allow yourself to look at this moment much like when you have a splinter buried in your finger. It has been festering and the pain is intolerable. The thought of it remaining buried under the skin for one more second is almost as unbearable as the thought of the excruciating pain to remove it. So, the moment of decision! Is the pain of allowing the splinter to fester greater than the pain involved in removal? The key point to remember, the splinter will eventually come out through force of nature or personal choice, but once out, the true healing can begin.
Determining that you have a 'splinter' that needs removing is only half the battle. The next step is HOW?
Please know that in no way is this to imply that a struggling teen is the splinter! The individual isn't the splinter; the poor choices and behaviors that stem from those choices are the splinter.
When a teen struggles, the entire family is effected. Each person based on their own personalities, life experiences, wants, need, expectations, etc., impact the family dynamics; however, it does take one person making a proactive step to posture the family in a way that can allow change to begin.
Trust that resources are available and allow the uncertainty of what to do actually fuel your next step of faith on the path of family restoration. Allowing an advocate or consultant to facilitate in your search for answers is a proactive step in not only HOW, but WHERE and WHEN. The goal is locating an environment which limits the exposure of daily distractions which prevent the teen from learning and experiencing certain life lessons which enable them to reach their full potential. |
| Where the Struggle Lies.......One of my many mentor's in life, Howard Snoddy, shared with me many years ago that we all crave being loved, cared for, appreciated and understood. We all want to "feel important, valued"! Most of our actions, thoughts, words, fears, and desires can be, one way or another, linked back to our need for approval. This is not surprising, based on the fact that without close and satisfying relationships our life becomes lonely, boring and meaningless. Relationships, on the other hand, make it exciting, meaningful and fulfilling. But true to most things in life, the good doesn't come without an element of bad and these relationships can be equally frustrating. It has been my experience that often these frustrations lie within my own expectations of what these relationships should represent.
When frustrations with relationships occur, consider these two options:
1- You can try to change other people and convince them to do the "right thing" (our definition of "the right thing"); OR
2- Change the way we think and relate to others. This can be an opportunity to recreate ourselves, relationships and sustain quality for all involved.
Here are some thoughts to consider:
PEOPLE ARE SIMILAR. Nothing happens by chance! People are brought into our lives for a reason. We attract people who are similar to us, because we resonate with them.
WE ARE ALL CONTRACTORS IN LIFE. Each of us has our defenses that we use to shield us from feelings of rejection. Our defenses are our own precautions we take to avoid getting hurt to protect our heart and mind. Protection may seem necessary, but actually learning to establish boundaries instead of brick walls may allow us to accept others' opinions without feeling mistreated by those opinions.
INACTION IS NEGATIVE ACTION. When we feel out of sorts, we can often become paralyzed emotionally and unable to move beyond our negative thoughts. Keep in mind that nothing will change in our life until we take a step to make it happen. Satisfying and long-lasting relationships require patience and sustained effort.
HALFWAY ISN'T THE FINAL DESTINATION . It takes two people to make a relationship work. We can meet another person halfway, but we cannot walk the whole way for them. Our zone of control ends where another person's feelings and goals begin.
OUR REFLECTION. People that we dislike often serve as our mirrors. They can be reflections of our own negative qualities. This is why we react so strongly to them. The character traits that aggravate us most about others are sometimes those that we deny in ourselves. The best way to change other people's behavior is to improve our own character.
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE. The transition from one opposite to another is what creates balance and diversity in life. One opposite cannot exist without the other. Very often in order to understand something and appreciate it we have to see both sides of the coin. Happiness alternates with sadness, laughter with tears, success with failure, gain with loss. Everything has its beginning and end. When we face a dark phase in our life, know that it will not last forever.
OUR OWN WORTH. How we represent ourselves sends messages to others as to how we wish to be perceived. If we desire to be loved and appreciated by others, we must first accept and appreciate ourselves. If we are trying to make everyone else like us, we risk losing our true self in the process. Strive to be your best self, but never to please others by changing who you really are.
HARMONY IS A BYPRODUCT OF STRUGGLES. We are all looking for harmony: in the outside world and inside our heart. When you achieve inner harmony, you naturally create harmonious relationships with the outside world. Harmony does not suggest an absence of challenges or conflicts. It means that your mind, your feelings and your actions are ALL in line with your most important goals and your life purpose.
RELATIONSHIPS DON'T COMPLETE US, THEY COMPLIMENT US. Very often we are looking for relationships that can give us more of what we want. Be it material stability, knowledge, or love, we often look for people and achievements that will make us feel complete. Unfortunately, doing this we place the control of our happiness and well-being into the hands of others and we lose our independence. A sense of completion should come from within, and should not depend on others.
THE NEED FOR PERSONAL RESONSIBILITY. Our reality is just a reflection of our own inner thoughts. Blaming another for misfortunes is just like trying to stop a truck approaching us at a full speed by cursing the driver. Until WE get over ourselves, our circumstances will not change. If we truly desire to improve relationships with other people without conflict, manipulation and threats, we must begin by changing our perspective.
Whether we are looking to improve our relationship with our spouse, our child, a sibling, a friend or co worker, it is important to first analyze our thoughts and perspectives on relationships. Once we have accepted ourselves unconditionally, we are better prepared to accept others just as they are!
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LIFE is an opportunity to thrive, not survive! Allow HOPE to encourage you each step along the way! And when the grip of FEAR has you paralyzed; refuse to avoid it and embrace it as you would a friend. Allow it to guide you through yet another life experience intended to help you GROW!
In Hope,
Dawn Bauer Parent Coach | Advocate
Horizon Family Solutions, LLC
May peace and hope be the glue that binds your heart and mind in each of your decisions in 2010! |
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