8
CHALLENGING PERSONALITIES - Part 8
- "The Whiner"
Every parent, every program, every counselor, every
friend, every teacher knows or has at least one - a bully, a clown, a Dear Abby,
a golden child, a gossip, a phantom, a whiner, and an emotional train wreck.
The Whiner
Behavior and its
Impact:
Whiners are grumbling complainers who have a knack for unearthing fault wherever they look.
Their cynicism drains people. The really talented Whiners are subtle - they know just when tot let the negativity fly.
Parents often put up with Whiners, then finally overreact to them with anger, disgust or distance.
Some feel confused and guilty because their of their responses to their child who whines. Most Whiners have experienced major disappointments from key people - they feel abandoned. Whiners are had to like. Whiners win their notoriety in negative ways, especially when something is going wrong and they highlight it.
How the behavior is typically reinforced:
When you argue with Whiners, or ask them to be more positive, you will get sucked into a power struggle you will not win.
When you highlight their impact by making it more public you only perpetuate the momentum.
How to help:
Do not argue with "Whiners" or attempt to "fix" them with positivity. A front-door approach will not work. Catch them when they are not whining and privately tell them you understand the role whining plays in their life - it keeps them safe from having to trust. Trust is scary and relationships bring disappointment.
Assist them in seeing that whining pushes their heart desires away. Offer them specific ways they can move towards trusting.
I hope you have enjoyed this series.
Every teenager will mystify you in some way - the roots of their behavior are at times buried in darkness.
Give them a taste of good character, give them a safe place to go with their challenges and problems, and let them know you are there with them no matter how long it takes to "work it all out."
Parent Coaching
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Tools and Resources to Help You With Your Teenager
Let's face it - parenting a teenager is difficult.
Arguments
and disrespect became unacceptable to Christina. Refusing to continue
"business as usual" Christina set out to learn how to deal
constructively with this age group. For
the subsequent eight years, Christina began talking not only to her
teenage daughter, but also to her daughter's friends as well as their
parents.
She eventually became a sought-after mediator between parents and teens. She methodically refined her findings and results, and applied these strategies as her youngest daughter
went through her teenage years.
Christina's techniques and extra effort
paid excellent dividends in the form of a healthier, more supportive relationship with her youngest daughter.
Christina's proven strategies, comprised of more than 14 years of working with parents and their teenagers, are outlined in Help Me With My Teenager! A Step-by-Step Guide For Parents That Works.
She has helped hundreds of parents who are struggling with the same issues she did,
in person as well as through her book. Christina has appeared in
podcasts and has been featured in many newspapers and magazines.
Christina
Botto was born in Vienna, Austria. At age 25, Christina moved with her
mother and sister to the United States. She got married and had two
daughters. Her husband passed away in 1987, leaving Christina with two
girls, ages one and eight, to raise on her own.
Christina
earned a bachelor of science in business administration from the Hotel
and Business Management College in Vienna.
She is a member of The National Writers Association and the National Parent Teacher Association.
Help Me With My Teenager! A Step-by-Step Guide For Parents That Works.
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Our Sponsors
Kim Arnsparger M.Ed.
My responsibility is to help you find the
best program that will enable your child
to change behavior, become well
adjusted, begin to achieve its potential...
and, eventually, greet you with a smile
and a hug.
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Welcome to Aspiro!
Vantage
Point by Aspiro is a specialized adventure
therapy and assessment program for students
with learning, social and cognitive issues.
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| DORE E. FRANCES, M.A.
Educational Consultant Parent Coach
Horizon Family Solutions Telephone: (541) 312-4422 / 866-833-6911
Dore@DoreFrances.com
A Holistic approach
A Supportive approach |
Deb Carstens
Administrative Director
Horizon Family Solutions
Bend, Oregon
Telephone:
(541) 312-4422
Cell (541) 788-9908
debkcarstens@q.com
A Supportive approach
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Greetings!
This newsletter launched in March 2004. We never have had a real name, and felt it was time.
So finally the day has come where I'll announce the winner of the Name Our Newsletter contest.
We had 25 entries total to consider.
Kay Hager of Milpitas, California has been named our Name the Newsletter Contest winner - Her submission - Bridging Families.
The contest, sponsored by Horizon Family Solutions asked our readers to submit original ideas on what to name the now four year old monthly e-mail newsletter that has grown from 125 people to over 5,110.
We have readers in Australia, Canada, Denmark, France, Ireland, Switzerland, and of course all across the United States.
This newsletter is sent at no cost to everyone with the assistance and support of our monthly sponsors. We thank them with our whole hearts in making this available to so many.
5% of their monthly sponsorship fee is donated each year to a different charity that has to do with assisting children. We annunce this charity at the end of the year. Some comments from readers:
"An excellent way to stay informed about current events affecting parents and teens" ~ John & Pat Aslan, Arizona
"Many thanks for the newsletter -can't sing its praises highly enough." ~ Robin Beare, Attorney at Law, Carmel, California
"I just received & read, with great interest and pleasure, the latest
newsletter. Thank you! You are doing us all a great favor!" ~ Dorothy Brown, Seattle, Washington.
I wish to also thank a few people that had some very special ideas that were submitted to us - Tanya Graham, Billy Blair, Gary Gray, Kellie Lutz, Gerri, Pokorny, Judd Feldman, as well as Mary Barez, and Sandi Selle. All entries went to an independent parent focus group. This way I stayed out of knowing the names of who submitted what until after the final decision was made.
As Kay explained - Bridging extends resources to families.
We feel this matches our mission -
The mission of Horizon Family Solutions is to provide practical
solutions and services to assist families and their students to engage
in meaningful relationships with others, function independently and
lead an improved quality of life.
For anyone interested in supporting the continuation of this free monthly email newsletter, please contact Deb Carstens, Administrative Director of Horizon Family Solutions by email at debkcarstens@q.com or by calling (541) 788-9908.
Again ... Congratulations Kay ....!
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Attention All Admissions Directors / Personnel
Understanding Your Customer Base
How much is that phone call worth?
AND
Pardon me, your attitude is showing
From my Bend, Oregon location and a perspective from years in the corporate world as a team builder and trainer, as a mother of a daughter who was in residential treatment and had whom had experience of staff first hand and as an Educational Consultant, I am here to assist you and your staff - especially since we are in what is being referred to as an economic challenge. Customer service attention in many cases has fallen to the wayside. Whether you all realize it or not, you are a business.
Whether you have 12 kids or 120 in your program, how you approach your business determines how you will succeed as a business. During the last two years I have spent much of my time speaking with counselors and parents to hear and understand their take on their experience with YOU.
Do you want to know what they had to say? Many parents feel they were pressured to start filling out paperwork before even getting all their concerns addressed.
Counselors felt they were not even considered important as they were not the parent. I see many programs and schools throwing a great deal OF MONEY at Internet advertising and other marketing strategies without always fully grasping how the approaches of those answering the phones and speaking with parents is working for them.
You may not be targeting your market and services appropriately during the admissions process which is the most critical period of initial contact with a prospective client, no matter who is calling or what time it is. A lot of you manage your business by gut feeling and instinct.
A lot manage your business by not managing it at all.
I have heard comments from staff and admissions directors alike - "We have an 80% success rate of students never needing to come back for additional treatment."
Ummm - how would you feel as a parent hearing this comment? What does that mean - really?
Though the idea might seem foreign to the typical program or school, I encourage staff members and especially admissions directors to understand potential clients' needs and inquiries as being those of shoppers. Such a focus can allow your organization to understand what it must do in order to serve your customers effectively.
Citing an example of which I overheard when a parent called an admissions person - "I'll call you tomorrow, as I am on my way out the door," - that is not good enough.
Or - "I will call you right back after lunch. I am so hungry and I need to go eat before I can work another minute."
Again - not good enough. And not good enough is exactly how these parents felt. Not only that, that must have been a very long lunch, as they never called them back.
Maybe that is because they never asked them for their name or number. OUCH!
Yes, consumers are comparing services of programs and schools when making a decision to investment in treatment for their child. Parents are exploring more than one option of residential treatment or wilderness programs for their child. This is an industry. Being able to change with consumer needs is critical. Do you have a clear picture of where customers are coming from? Consumers and families are encountering your services, many times for the first time, through a variety of advertising, referral information and search engines.
YES, you may appear prominently in the various Internet searches consumers will conduct, however, increasing competition (whether for-profit or nonprofit) is
forcing parents to pay much more attention to how they are treated when their call is answered. Over the last several months I have been consulting with several programs who have asked for assistance in making sure their staff has good customer service approaches to each and every call they receive. You are going to need to constantly be evolving to meet the consumer's emerging needs.
"I am a human being calling", said one parent, "and I felt as if I was being treated as just another number in their stack of things to do that day. I will never call them again or recommend them to any other parent I know."
"As a counselor, I had a lot of questions before wanting to refer the parents to this program. They told me to 'read their website' and then call them back. I did not read their website, I did not call them back, and I advised my colleagues not to call them either. There are seven of us in this office and eight more in another state."
This is a great industry, with many, many great people who may just not have the training they need for today's parents and today's economy, so do not delay in being better at what you do from a customer service standpoint.
For assistance on an individual program consulting basis, or for those interested in perhaps attending a training, please contact Horizon Family Solutions - Dore Frances, M.A. at (541) 312-4422 or Deb Carstens at (541) 788-9908.
Show that you care about your customers and your staff.
Horizon Family Solutions Mission Statement
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Community Resources
AIDS Community Resources (ACR) is a not-for-profit, community-based organization providing prevention,
education and support services to those infected with and affected by
HIV/AIDS. ACR serves Cayuga, Herkimer, Jefferson, Lewis, Madison,
Oneida, Onondaga, Oswego, and St. Lawrence counties in New York State.
Bay Area Community Resources
A tapestry of direct services, volunteerism, and partnerships: BACR
programs focus on Youth Development; After School Programs; Alcohol
and Drugs, Tobacco and Mental Health; National Service;
Community Health and Fiscal Sponsorship.
CommunityResources.net
enables you to easily sort through many social service, health and
disability agencies in your area and find one that provides the
services you need.
Community Resource Exchange (CRE) For nearly 30 years, Community Resource Exchange (CRE) has worked
towards a more just, equitable and livable city for ALL New Yorkers.
Community Resources for Children is to provide resources for
the early care and education of children in Napa County.
Community Resources for Science (CRS) helps elementary teachers use science resources
to give all kids access to great hands-on learning experiences.
Community Resources, Inc. in Denver, Colorado
The mission of Community Resources, Inc. is to enhance learning
and academic success by providing activities and programs for
students and their families using volunteers from the community
to share their skills, knowledge, expertise and enthusiasm.
Community Strategies for Massachusetts, a department of Community Resources for Justice recently opened its eighteenth program for people with intellectual disabilities.
Ely Community Resource, Inc is a community based, non profit program whose
mission is to provide prevention, early intervention and alternative
activities for youth in an attempt to prevent and reduce alcohol
and other drug use/abuse and related problems, and to foster
positive youth development.
Kitsap Community Resources in
Bremerton, Washington is a local, non-profit organization dedicated to helping people in need.
Find information and resources on family and teen issues
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Drug Prevention in the 21st Century
It is unacceptable for educators and parents to think they can ignore the illegal drug problem and it will just go away - or that it is only a problem in the poor, inner-city communities of America.
Jack Lawn, former DEA director used to open his drug-prevention speeches by saying that the three words killing more youth than any other words known to man were, "Not my child." Today's educators and parents cannot afford to ignore this problem or assume it is not going on in their households, their schools, their towns.
We are still a country living in deep denial about illegal drug use by youth.
We have yet to rid our schools of illegal drugs. We have made a positive difference in the lives of many. I am not saying that nothing has been accomplished. Unfortunately we still do not live in a country where prevention is a top priority. Although we may never know who we save by our efforts, the motivation of assisting our youth choose healthy lifestyles is still strong.
When we choose to ignore the drug problem in America, we continue to lose children (and adults), and to me this is unacceptable. It has taken us many years to get to this ongoing drug crisis in America, and there is no quick fix. The only solution for a teen who is abusing or addicted to drugs is through a comprehensive, therapy-based, peer-supported, residential prevention program. "There is no quick fix." In the drug abuse arena, schools have three populations of students and staff: the user, the affected and the nonuser/nonaffected. Ignorance about drug abuse identification and intervention is a serious problem. Chemical dependency is a disease.
Therefore, being strictly punitive does not assist the teen who has the disease. Life is about choices, and the more good ones a person makes, the more freedom and happiness they may have. This is where support must start. Put downs, sarcasm and yelling must be eliminated and replaced with positive reinforcement. Everyday is a new beginning for each person, and an important responsibility of anyone assisting a youth who has drug abuse challenges is to facilitate positive behavior changes, not just prevention of the behavior.
When you learn to expect positive changes over time from the youth you are assisting, you will often see them.
"No use" is the only effective message about drug use. Any suggestion that there is such a thing as responsible use is a mixed message. A mixed message can be worse than no message at all. Homes and schools that provide a healthy climate to talk about drug-abuse concerns are needed.
This means being caring, respectful, supportive and trusting of one another. And when you cannot be a positive role model, please do not get involved in any drug prevention program. It is certain that more harm than good will happen.
We all must look at our own behaviors and ask ourselves if this is the behavior we want our children to follow. Today's youth are in desperate need of positive role models.
It isn't an easy task, and it is going to take more time to accomplish what we need to do for the children of the 21st Century. I believe our children deserve nothing less.
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Five Successful Tips for Distance Learners
By Doug Covey - CEO Blueprint
Education
I had the fortunate
opportunity in my early twenties to travel abroad.
Because I was on foreign land for the first
time, I found myself overwhelmed and confused.
Navigating my way around Kings
Cross Railway Station in London
was an adventurous experience. After a
few mishaps, I learned how to plan ahead, mange my time, and locate helpful
resources to find my way around Europe. Navigating your way in the world of distance learning
can be as equally overwhelming.
In a
recent student survey administered in 2007 by Blueprint Education, a non-profit
distance learning provider, 88% of the students were taking a distance learning
course for the first time. Learning how
to navigate through a foreign country allowed me to feel successful, explore further
inland and learn more than I could have imagined. By following these five successful tips, you can
save a lot of time and money and explore an exciting new world.
Choose
the right school: Selecting the right school is the most
significant educational choice you have to make. Make sure the school you choose is
accredited by one of the six premier American regional school accrediting
commissions. If the school is not
properly accredited, secondary and post-secondary schools may reject the
credits you earned.
Manage
your time: In a self paced, open enrollment, flexible
learning environment, managing your time wisely is a key to success. Set specific goals and objectives for yourself
and stick to them. Creating daily,
weekly and monthly goals defined by specific objectives will help you reach
deadlines.
Connect
with your teacher: The ability to form a meaningful relationship
with your teacher will allow you to have the opportunity to share your
understanding of the course, stay motivated, and learn more.
Although your classes are online, you
can stay connected through message boards, email, and other electronic
resources.
Know
your resources: The most widely used search term today is
Google. There are a lot of online
materials available to help you with your studies. General resources such as online
dictionaries, encyclopedias, writing resources, atlases and maps are
useful tools.
Identifying these
sites from the start will save you time, money and help you find success
in your course.
Get all
the credit you deserve: More students are taking online courses
due to schedule conflicts, retaking a course to graduate on time, or
getting a head start on life to graduate early. If you have credits from a previous
school, make sure to have your transcript sent to your distance learning school
of choice and ask the counselor to perform a course equivalency. As long as the school is accredited, the
credits should be able to be transferred.
ABOUT BLUEPRINT EDUCATION
Blueprint Education is a
non-profit organization that has been helping students succeed since 1969.
Services offered by Blueprint Education include distance learning, curriculum
design, and alternative education.
Blueprint Education's programs and courses
meet the high
quality standards of the NCA Commission on Accreditation and
School Improvement, CITA, and the NCAA.
For more information call 1.800.426.4952 or visit their website at www.blueprinteducation.org. |
Leaving Residential Placement
Parent / Program Workshops / Parent Coaching
How we deal with youth who are leaving residential
treatment has a powerful effect on post-placement adjustment for the teen and their entire family.
Any adolescent / teen in residential
care is, by definition, in a time limited and temporary living situation, and usually in a very structured daily living controlled environment. Staff come into the lives
of young people with the goal of assisting / helping them to eventually leave them.
Ideally, discharge
begins the day they arrive. The purpose of these workshops, both for parents and program staff, is to relate and promote an understanding of the departing / graduation process that relates to the experiences of
the young people in residential therapeutic care and provide program staff and parental guidelines for at-home intervention.
Leaving Residential is Difficult
Graduating from residential treatment is not just an ending,
it is a critical, distinct phase of the entire treatment process. It begins on day one when young people and the staff working with them begin to anticipate
the end of the placement.
For some, this lasts weeks (wilderness or shor-term placement) months or years, while others
may only become aware of their impending departure within days or even hours before it truely takes place.
This phase of their program / treatment is not to be taken for granted. This beginning has its own unique challenges
and requirements.
Under ideal circumstances, placement ends when the young
person, the staff, and the family acknowledge the progress that
has been made and feel ready. Often, however, youth do not leave residential
placement under these optimal conditions. While a common tendency on the
part of parents and residential staff is to frame a discharge/graduation as a positive event, most adolescents / teens leave residential placement with mixed feelings.
Leaving a residential treatment setting provokes powerful and
often unpleasant (although in most cases) temporary feelings of anxiousness.
This reaction is influenced both by previous
experiences with separation or other placements and the meaning which they give to the experience
of being in constant residential care. The end of placement stimulates a rethinking of the reasons
for coming into residential care in the first place by both the teen and their parents and, although, unintentional, forces a young person and their parents to relive
the past in memory and thought.
For many young people, this is a painful and at times angry-making
experience. The anticipation of discharge/graduation
is disorganizing in many ways for both the teen and the parents / family. Young people often fear giving up
the protection of a residential setting. They may feel extremely apprehensive
about their capacity to function 'on the outside,' especially in light of
past failures. The longer a young person has been in residential care, and depending on the type of care they have been receiving, the more severe
this anxiety may be. Leaving residential treatment may also bring up multiple
new losses.
Discharge/graduation represents the giving up of valued relationships with
peers, staff, therapists and newly made friendships. In some situations it may also result in the loss of improved living conditions
and access to enriched schooling and activities. The result of all this is an uncomfortable mixture of anger, confusion, excitement, fear and loss. Because of the complex emotions it elicits, discharge/graduation
frequently stimulates renewed behavioural difficulties in young people in
placement, even those who have made remarkable long-term and progressive progress.
Acting out and
difficult behavior that emerge when a young person is leaving residential
care are really attempts to cope. Some possible motivators for behavioural
regression in response to an upcoming discharge/graduation which we cover in depth during the workshop are:
- Youth are afraid of rejection by family, friends, neighbors and school personnel.
- The quality of the relationships the teen has in residential is usually at a healthier level that those they left behind.
- Even when it is fantasy
about how things may be in the future, the teen may make those
things happen now.
- When a youth encounters an experience which generates anxiety, then they are likely to deal with it in ways that were successful for them in
the past, even when they have new tools they have learned from their program.
- Provoking the parents into responding in a familiar manner, even when it is a negative
response, as it is familiar, and therefore
they know how to handle those old familiar responses.
- Teens who return to their families, while usually thrilled, have fantasized through-out their residential placement about this return and have particular anxieties about
failure.
- Age, cognitive capacity and maturity level are always factors.
There Must Be a Process
Because leaving residential care provokes a complex array of feelings
no matter what the circumstances, adequate preparation is critical.
Unskilled/unprepared parents or poor preparation on the part of a residential program may lead to even more
dramatic relapses in behavior and the development of new problems after the teen returns home.
A skilfully well-planned discharge/graduation can assist a young person to:
begin to rework past losses; achieve a degree of closure in relation to
placement; and to enter the next phase of life with more realistic expectations
and awareness of available supports. There are three vital aspects of working with youth who are leaving care:
- Helping the young person manage the present separation
experience
- Helping the young person prepare for future separations
- Helping the young person resolve previously unfinished
separation experiences
These three major tasks need to be accomplished through
a careful sequencing of pre-planned interventions.
Plan. To begin with, it is vital that
discharge/graduation from residential therapeutic care be planned far enough in advance to allow for some working
through of the issues, yet not so far as to cause more anxiety than a young
person can tolerate.
Process feelings about the past.
A common tendency of staff at residential placement centers is to begin their discussion of discharge
with a future focus. An important part of this work is to anticipate
the ending and what comes next.
Help youth to review their experience.
The next step in this work is to participate with youth in evaluating
their time in residential placement.
Encourage a future orientation. Anticipation
and exploration of the future is a third element in a well-managed situation. This means a thorough exploration of the young persons' expectations, as
well as any concerns that they may have.
The last step in a discharge/graduation is the actual goodbye.
For some young people, this is the most anxiety-provoking piece of the process,
and their emotionality will escalate until their last day, no matter what
the quality of the preparation. It is those youth whose departure is imminent
who may test the skills and patience of the staff the
most. It often happens that, despite much planning,
some youth act out so much that they arrange to be discharged/ejected so as not to
face saying goodbye.
Itervention strategies are summarized below and are explored in much more detail during the workshop:
Plan a discharge as far as possible in advance.
Start talking about leaving/graduationg when youth first enter the door, so that it
comes as a predicted process.
Provide emotional support of an accepting nature
while still offering daily encouragement.
Offer relevant education about what they might
experience while going through the process of separation. Be as
concrete as possible about how it will feel and how events around them will
unfold.
Help the person to realize what they are grieving
about - we don't always know.
Help youth to talk about self and their own experience.
Explore the feelings about feelings.
Give large reinforcements for small steps in expressing
themselves appropriately.
Help the youth get connected to support structures.
Create a future orientation. Help them
explore the possible positive value of leaving and what they might look
forward to in the future.
Use separation rituals. This is especially
useful in residential group care situations and wilderness.
Use transitional objects.
Show them how you will stay connected and for what period of time.
Feelings of Staff in Residential is Very Relevant
Supporting a young person through leaving residential
placement can be a draining and emotional process. Not only is it painful to share the
turmoil; it elicits a person's own feelings about separation and loss.
All staff who participate in discharges/graduations from residential placement need
to become aware of their own issues about saying goodbye. An important component
is that we acknowledge and express our (their) own feelings of loss in
order to be accepting of similar feelings of the children in our (their)
care. Inability of staff to face separation may block the capacity of the students to express similar feelings.
Residential staff has a critical role to play in modeling self-expression and ownerships, and they need to acknowledge their own emotions in relation to
a young person's upcoming departure. Aside from their own history of losses and their readiness
to acknowledge their lasting effects, the experience of saying goodbye to
a student has a very real and present impact on a child. Staff, too, are letting go of a valued relationship, sometimes
one that may have met many of their own needs.
They may have been dependent on a young
person for their sense of accomplishment and professional self-esteem. This is very common in residential care settings and is a procees of growth and learning. They are often more important to a young person than they
will ever know, so as they say goodbye, they are often unsure
of what their influence has been.
A residential staff person may experience relief at the same
time, because a challenging young person is no longer demanding their attention. They may have concerns about a student's capacity to function outside of placement
and even wonder if the gains they perceived were real, leaving them with nagging questions about whether they have done enough. At times, residential staff are not in agreement with a specific discharge plan. At other times, they may experience the process
as so rocky that they doubt the wisdom of letting the young person go. Like the young people who are leaving residential placement,
residential staff need to acknowledge their own unresolved feelings. Facing and expressing
these feelings can free up their energies for the challenges ahead.
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Ranch provides 'New Horizons' for teen boys
By Casey Arneson
Of the Tobacco Valley News
You may not notice or hear much about it, but hidden up the West Kootenai Road, New Horizons Youth Ranch quietly affects the community and forever changes the lives of several youths each year. Established by Tom and Rosie Harrel, the
Christian boarding school program was created for young teenage boys needing help with destructive behavior patterns and habits.
The ranch relies on education, old fashioned hard work, personal mentoring, and a Christ-centered family environment to build moral character and hopefully develop the participants' relationships with God and the people around them. Dozens of teenage boys have now gone through New Horizons' 12 to 18 month program, and the Harrels' expectations for the ranch are consistently being surpassed.
After beginning with merely one student, several dozen boys have now gone through the program, coming from all over the United States
and elsewhere, even as far as Japan. The Harrels began New Horizons alone, but now the total number of youth workers is up to six. Through it all, the Harrels say they have been blessed to see the fruit of the labor.
"We've seen restored family relationships," Tom Harrel said.
"Salvations and freedom from drug abuse, alcohol problems, and anger - just drastic improvements and changes in their lives."
One example is 18-year old Campbell Knight from Lubbock, Texas.
Knight came to Montana and New Horizons with no expectations of changing his habits.
"I got here August 23 of 2006," Knight said. "I remember it because I was very lost, and it seemed to be different when I got here. 'Better'
different."
The goals Knight had before New Horizons were bleak.
"I wanted to move out by the time I was 18, and my main goal was to keep getting money by selling drug - they weren't good goals," he
said candidly. "They had no meaning."
After years of substance abuse, Knight came to a point of hopelessness, where it was hard to believe he could escape the bondage of the past.
That's where New Horizons came in. After nearly a year with the Harrels on the ranch, Campbell Knight finished the program on July 10, 2007, as
a new person.
"I experienced the love of Christ through Tom and Rosie," Knight said.
"I found that not getting serious with the Lord and not seeing how deep into the drugs I was, if I didn't realize it, and didn't get real with myself, I would be somewhere I don't need to be."
According to Knight, it was in that place of honesty between himself and God that the change occurred.
"Here I saw my destiny; I saw what my purpose was," he said.
Knight is now pursuing his GED and the numerous new dreams for his life: to be a minister overseas, an evangelist, or a pastor. To go to college
and study criminal justice; to become a police officer or something higher.
At the same time, he still lives on the ranch, with the Harrels and other
boys as close to him as family.
"I've been helping the kids who come, trying to be like a big brother and encourage them," said Knight, who believes his testimony may help other
boys going through related issues.
Because like Knight, the boys on the ranch come from a range of areas across the nation and from a variety of backgrounds, yet all come
with similar needs. Whether it be escaping from substance abuse, anger problems, depression, eating disorders, academic problems, or certain
other behavioral problems, the Harrels believe that structure, discipline, and above all else a loving and accepting family setting can bring change to
the boys who go through the program. The normal commitment is a year or more, and New Horizons is directed at the teenage years, though the Harrels have made certain exceptions.
"The age range was originally supposed to be 10 to 16," Tom Harrel said.
"But it's amazing how God has broadened our perspective. We've
accepted them from as young as 6 to as old as 20. When there are struggles with their families, in a crisis, and we really feel it's someone we're supposed to help, we'll just about do anything except when it might be harmful to boys already going through the program."
The educational side of the ranch is done through a program in Lincoln County school systems. The program allows each student to be enrolled and, if he does better in a school setting, go to the public school. If special attention is needed, the material is done on the ranch.
"We home school kids who may struggle in a normal school setting," said Rosie Harrel.
But more is taught than any simple curriculum. The ranch uses chores and outdoor activities to teach both useful skills and life experience.
Hunting, camping, horseback riding are just a few pastimes for the boys.
Farming, ranching with horses and cows, and animal husbandry are all educational elements of the program, as well as general construction, which was Tom Harrel's career before New Horizons. The Harrels grew up together in California and moved to Montana in 1994 with their son Travis,
and after a long period in Whitefish, they moved to the West Kootenai Eureka area. The vision for New Horizons came when the Harrels helped start a similar program led by friends of another couple they knew.
"We worked with another couple that established a program, a residential program for boys and girls." Rosie Harrel said. "We fell in the love of the idea," added Tom Harrel. "Just seeing the ministry aspect of the deal,
everything we had began to go into the idea."
After helping the other program, the couple felt God calling them to the same type of youth ministry.
"We felt Him lay it on our hearts, everywhere we turned, He was pointing in that direction," said Harrel. "We couldn't get away from it."
New Horizons began officially in 1999 with just one teenager, and Tom Harrel kept working construction as the number of boys grew each year.
As the ranch grew, he faded out his construction work. But not about to let
his experience go to waste, he began teaching construction as part of the program.
"Last year the boys and I built a house for someone, from the ground up," Harrel said. "We teach them how to lend a helping hand without
expecting something in return."
Recently, the boys built a shed for a widow in the community, and the current project is to finish the youth center gym behind First Interstate Bank. Two of the three other full-time counselors, Kristofer and Kole Evins, are also experienced carpenters, adding to the construction efforts as well as the mentoring aspect of New Horizons with their fellow counselor, Jeremy Evjene.
"They're wonderful people; just like brothers," Knight explained. "They're always there for you, closer to your age; they've been through things
and can really relate to you."
With the help of God and their workers, the Harrels believe New Horizons is not done growing.
"We believe the ministry is going to be expanding. God has really taken us to a place where we have the desire," Tom Harrel said. "And we have some opportunities on the horizon to expand and grow, and people are offering amazing talents to it."
One such hope is to start a mirror New Horizons program for girls at a separate location.
"We are entertaining the idea and starting the process of working with girls as well," Rosie said. "Offering the same opportunities that the boys ranch provides. Mentoring toward a relationship with Christ and freedom from destructive behavior."
Whatever lies ahead, the Harrels, the youth workers, and the boys they affect, are all looking towards New Horizons.
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