Horizon Reports

Educational Consultant Services Helping Families and Professionals ...

Educational Consultants Supporting Parents and Professionals of Struggling Teens

January 2008

Educational Consultants
A Trusted Resource

Begin a 3 minute video by clicking HERE

Greetings!

Happy New Year!

Here's to the bright New Year
And a fond farewell to the old;
Here's to the things that are yet to come
And to the memories that we hold.

10...9...8... The lighted ball in New York's Times Square starts picking up speed. 7...6...5... It's almost time. 4...3...2... Everyone holds their breath for the last few seconds. We're about to jump that seemingly large but invisible gap that separates the years. 1...0...

Happy New Year!

We made it. The old year, for better or worse, is gone for good.

The new year has begun with fresh promise.Here's our chance to start again, to do it right this time, to have another shot at success...at glory...at just accomplishing what we resolve to.

It's time to shed that baggage from the year long gone and celebrate what can be in the 365 untouched days to come. Happy New Year!

Not all countries celebrate the New Year at the same time, or in the same way. This is because people in different parts of the world use different calendars. Long ago, people divided time into days, months, and years.Some calendars are based on the movement of the moon, others are based on the position of the sun, while others are based on both the sun and the moon. All over the world, there are special beliefs about the New Year.

Happy New Year to all of my associates, clients, friends, and those I have yet to meet. Thank you all for your support, I appreciate it immensely.

Happy 2008!

Dore

And, of course, congratulations to our HFS Theme Contest winner for 2008 - Shana Stanberry Parker SC.D./ Licensed Psychologist.

Shana lives in beautiful Boulder, Colorado with her 16 year old daughter and husband.

In This Issue

1st Class Investigations, Inc.

8 CHALLENGING PERSONALITIES

Getting Guidance: Educational Consultants

MORAL RECOGNATION THERAPY

The Terrible Teens!

PARENTING FROM YOUR HEART

1st Class Investigations, Inc.

1st Class Investigations, Inc. Adolescent Transport / Runaway Division specializes in the therapeutic transport of at-risk adolescents.

Our company was founded by retired law enforcement supervisors Frank DiMaggio (NYPD Captain-retired) and Andre Barry (NYPD Lieutenant-retired). They have years of experience with at-risk adolescents in all types of situations and have incorporated this experience along with their formal training in their company. They perform therapeutic adolescent transports with professionalism, compassion, dignity and respect for all
involved. We are here to help.

1st Class Investigations, Inc.
866-357-4769

8 CHALLENGING PERSONALITIES - Part 3 - "Dear Abby"

Every parent, every program, every counselor, every friend, every teacher knows or has at least one - a bully, a clown, a Dear Abby, a golden child, a gossip, a phantom, a whiner, and an emotional train wreck.

"Dear Abby"

Behavior and its impact:

The Dear Abby kid wants to be everyone's counselor, matchmaker, and all around helper. This can look as if they are a safely centered child, however, Dear Abby kids act out of a vacuum. Their often obsessive compulsive focus on others' needs often backfires, leaving them depressed and even more addicted to finding their own identity in solving others' problems. Dear Abby kids are desperately working at "buying" real relationships through their own service, however, those receiving their help often see them as only a conduit for meeting their own needs. Dear Abby kids are seldom admired or loved for simply who they are - they are valued because they "deliver." That leaves them empty, even when things work out the way they had hoped. Dear Abby's feel others' appreciation, however, often only in performance based ways. Their impact in others' lives is often fickle and short-lived.

How the behavior is typically reinforced:

When adults treat Dear Abby kids as providers of true service and care for others, and applaud them either privately or publicly, these kids feel encouraged to continue this path.

How to help:

Help a Dear Abby kid see they are worth knowing and being loved for no other reason than for who they are themselves. Get to know their stories - look for what had fueled their commitment to abandon their own pain by working so hard to fix others' pain.

Be careful not to put them in a helper role, and gently help them understand how this personality fuels depression, performance, and (ultimately) resentment.

Articles of Interest

Getting Guidance: Educational Consultants

Typical public school counselors handle hundreds of students with wide-ranging needs.

They deal with drug dependency, suicide prevention, truancy, unplanned pregnancies, and -all on any given morning.

THE GOOD NEWS: Many are superheroes. They do all of it well.

THE BAD NEWS: Unfortunately, due to budget cuts, some high schools have no guidance counselors at all; some have too few who carry unrealistic loads (and a handful are just downright inept).

Even in private schools, where loads are lighter and may be limited to admission advising alone, the situation can be far from ideal.

Here, counselors range from among the very best in the business to inexperienced, untrained generalists who may be teaching seventh-grade Arts and freshman Chemistry at the same time.

Some private school counselors face pressure from administrators who insist that a list of acceptances to prestige colleges is the most important report card by which their institution will be judged and from parents who insinuate that a thumbs-up from a big-name school is the reward they deserve for years of tuition bills.

No matter where your child goes to school, it is up to you to evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of the available guidance counseling and to participate in the admission process.

Because guidance counselors' abilities and availability vary so widely, it's up to you, the parents, to determine how much support and useful information you will be getting.

Don't play hooky on Parents Night. Sure, the coffee is lousy and you'll have to endure endless questions from other parents who are far more panicked than you are, but counselors simply do not have the time to repeat general information to everyone who stayed home to watch Deal or No Deal.

Who Are Independent Educational Consultants and How Do You Know If You Need One?

These individuals offer private, in-depth, college admission advice, crisis intervention programs for students dealing with alcohol and/or drug abuse, residential treatment center knowledge, therapeutic residential program information and wilderness programs to students and their families. . .for a fee.

THE GOOD NEWS: Parents want instantaneous and unlimited access to information, and Educational Consultants provide that.

THE BAD NEWS: "Independent Educational Consultants" are pricey.

Top-of-the-liners can charge as much as $5200 for conducting a complete program/school search and staying on board to support the student and family after placement.

When the situation involves a crisis placement, legal aspects to a placement or a more severe situation, the fees can be even higher.

(One New York City bigwig consultant charges $30,000 for her premier college package!)

Even on the low end, expect to shell out close to $2,500.

Some consultants will provide pay-as-you-go services.

Figure on about $100/hour for their advice. Some do offer pro bono work, or sliding scale fees, but often only to those in dire straits.

Independent educational consultants offer advice. We help protect family's and kids from heartbreak, from operating under the assumption that all programs are the same, and that every program can assist every child's needs.

We are like big red stop signs, constantly saying, 'Yes, that program may be good for treating alcohol abuse, but they don't specialize in clinical depression or those struggling with the beginning signs of an eating disorder. 'Let's see what else is out there.'

How does one pick a qualified consultant?

Choose your independent consultant the way you would pick an attorney, dentist, or a pediatrician. Ask around; get referrals from other parents. But, there are an awful lot of moonlighters and tinkerers and out there. Even professional association membership doesn't assure quality. Ask for references and check them out thoroughly. Talk to prospective consultants before signing on to make certain that the chemistry is right. Ask questions before choosing a consultant:

How often and extensively do they visit campuses? The best independent consultants visit up to 75 schools each year, not only seeing admission offices and facilities but haunting student hangouts to get the real scoop from insiders. The first question you need to ask is 'Have you been there?'
How else do they stay current? What else does he or she do to keep up with changing trends in the business?
What is their specialty? Educational consultants often offer wide-ranging services. Some consultants focus on private elementary or high school placement. Make sure the expert you hire is a specialist in the area that you need.
What promises do they make? Good consultants give guidance, not guarantees. They make matches, not miracles, and they won't fill out your application forms.
What related job and/or personal experience have they had? The best independent consultants have often had personal experience with their own children.

We can 't find a private consultant nearby. What do we need to do?

While it's helpful to hire a consultant with an office near your home, many of the top guns work with families from afar. Everything can be done by e-mail, fax and phone.

Horizon Family Solutions consultant Dore Frances rarely meets her clients but insists that, as a "compulsive e-mailer," she's never far from a keyboard. "I'm constantly available to respond to parents and students," insists Dore, "whether they need to 'discuss' a major problem or just want to know if the letter they are writing to their child in wilderness seems okay. And the rhythm of e-mail is the ultimate convenience. Dad may get home from a meeting at 9:30 at night with a question on his mind. He can sit down at his computer and write me, and he'll usually have an answer in the morning.

While Dore doesn't dismiss the value of personal contact, she notes that, for many families, her service is more affordable and practical.

As school counseling budgets decline and computer comfort levels soar, expect to see such online services proliferate. If having a knowledgeable educational consultant throughout the admission process lowers your stress level and fits your budget, don't dismiss an educational consultant out of your area. Do, however, carefully check out the credentials of anyone who will be advising you or your child.

Programs for Students in Crisis

MORAL RECOGNATION THERAPY

Moral Recognation Therapy was one of the first comprehensive, systematic attempts to treat substance abusers from a purely cognitive behavioral perspective.

In 1985 formal MRT was developed by Dr. Greg Little and Dr. Ken Robinson by combining Smothermon's concepts with theories of moral development (Kohlberg), ego and
identity development (Erikson), behavioral conditioning, Maslow's needs hierarchy, and Carl Jung's concepts.

MRT is objective, systematic treatment designed to enhance ego, social, moral, and positive behavioral growth in a progressive, step-by-step fashion. MRT has, depending on treatment population.

MRT attempts to change how abusers make decisions and judgments by raising moral reasoning from Kohlberg's perspective.

Briefly, MRT seeks to move students from hedonistic (pleasure vs. pain) reasoning levels, to levels where concern for social rules and others become important. Research on MRT has shown that students pass steps, moral reasoning increases in adult and
adolescent substance abusers. MRT focuses systematically on seven basic treatment issues: confrontation of beliefs, attitudes and behaviors, assessment of current relationships, reinforcement of positive behaviors and habits, positive identity formation, enhancement of self-concept, decrease in hedonism and development of frustration tolerance, and development of higher stages of moral reasoning.

The programs at Waterfall Canyon Academy have implemented MRT Model to address many issues that have interfered with students daily functioning. The programs assist the student with shaping daily behaviors by modeling appropriate reasoning and difficult situation in a positive manner.

GROUP PROCESS

The program is group work intended for students placed in residential care for treatment. It assumes that students are somewhat progressed in treatment in that they understand some of the issues that resulted in the residential placement. The program does not give the student an opportunity to deny offensive behaviors in any of its exercises or procedures. If the student is denying their offensive behaviors they may not be ready to be involved with this group. The students have weekly assignments that will assist character development.

The program is structured and many surface many issues for students to process. Group work is surrounded by feedback; the feedback has intentions to assist all people involved in the student's treatment plan. The student will process his completed work with parents to open up the communication about the thinking and behaviors that led to the current situation. The students are involved with an "open" group, which means that students will enter and exit at anytime during the year. There is not a stopping point in our group; we are concerned with relapse prevention.

Relapse prevention begins in the program and continues once the student leaves the program.

Karen Nickel, M.S., M.Ed

Waterfall Canyon Academy is a licensed private home for adolescent males, ages twelve to seventeen, with cognitive disabilities.

Potential Causes and Symptoms of (RAD) Reactive Attachment Disorder

Potential Causes

Abuse

Changes in the primary caregiver

Frequent moves and/or placements

Lack of attunement between mother and child

Maternal addiction - drugs or alcohol

Maternal depression

Neglect

Separation from the primary caregiver

Traumatic experiences

Undiagnosed, painful illness such as colic, ear infections, etc.

Young or inexperienced mother with poor parenting skills

Symptoms

Intense control battles, very bossy and argumentative; defiance and anger

Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers

Incessant chatter and/or questions

Inappropriately demanding and/or clingy

Resists affection on parental terms

Lack of eye contact, especially with parents - will look into your eyes when lying

Lies about the obvious

Lack of conscience - shows no remorse

Lack of impulse control

Learning lags/delays

Manipulative - superficially charming and engaging

Poor peer relationships

Parents appear hostile and angry

Steals

Speech and language problems

Destructive to property, self and/or others

Hypervigilant/Hyperactive

Food issues - hordes, gorges, refuses to eat, eats strange things, hides food

Fascinated with fire, blood, gore, weapons, evil

Very concerned about tiny hurts but brushes off big hurts

The child was neglected and/or physically abused in the first three years of life

Both adopted children and parents experience challenges unique to their special families. Issues of loss, rejection and other emotions often contribute to the adopted child's negative self-image and troubled learning performance. Parents are left to wonder why the child has difficulty connecting with the family despite their best efforts for many years.

As an adopted child herself, Dore Frances, M.A. has spent years researching programs and schools that can best assist families who are challenged with an adopted child, especially those diagnosed with child maltreatment and attachment disorders.

We believe that the choices you make regarding your adolescent's education and life steps are among the most important decisions a family makes. Depending on the nature of the challenges that you are facing with your child, there is a program or school setting that best meets their needs for long term academic, emotional and social success. Not all programs and schools are alike.

Call Horizon Family Solutions today. See for yourself what you and your child can truly accomplish by taking positive action steps.

866-833-6911 - www.guidingteens.com

The Terrible Teens!

By Julie A. Ross, M.A.

"Teenagers! Dey tink dey know everyting!" proclaims Sebastian, the "guardian" crab of 'Ariel', the Little Mermaid in Disney's film of the same title. "And isn't that the truth!" most parents of a teenager respond with despair.

For many parents and their teens, adolescence is a period of upheaval and conflict. A child who was once cooperative and communicative suddenly becomes opinionated, withdrawn, and rebellious. Parents often wake up one morning to find themselves totally bewildered about how to handle this "stranger" who used to be their child. Suddenly, all of the old ways of discipline and communication no longer work. Many parents find themselves remembering the "terrible two's", another developmental period when children seem unmanageable. If you find yourself harkening back to those years as well, it's for good reason. Many experts have deemed the developmental period when toddlers are striving for some independence as "first adolescence", the teen years actually being the second time they go through the adolescent stage!

The key to surviving the crucial stage of adolescent development lies in sharpening your listening skills. But to be able to listen to our teen we must first examine the reasons that teens act the way they do. Psychologists say that adolescents are undergoing a process of "separation and individuation". What this means is that teens are attempting to define themselves as individuals who are different from their parents, as people who have their own ideas, values and opinions. In addition, they are preparing to physically separate from their parents when they reach adulthood. This process, however, throws the teen into conflict with themselves. On the one hand, instinct (and hormones) demand that they prepare for adulthood by pulling away from parents. On the other hand, mom and/or dad still provide the very real physical and mental security that teens need and depend upon. Hence most teenagers spend adolescence in a kind of mental "tug-of-war". If they do feel close or dependent upon mom or dad it scares them and they push away ... often by expressing extremely opinionated ideas or values which they know to be different from their parent's. Not all of these opinionated statements are designed to alienate mom or dad so that the teenager can separate, however. Often these strongly expressed views are the expression of the teens "true" thoughts about a subject ... at least temporarily. Thus, if we tell our teens that their ideas are "wrong" the teen invariably will staunchly defend those ideas, both to separate from their parents and to rebell against them. What all of this adds up to, of course, is a child who is very difficult to listen to.

Yet actively listening without judging is actually what will make this awkward period easier for teen and parent alike. So how do we listen to an opinionated person who is adamant that not only are their ideas the right ones, but that they are the first person to have ever had that idea in the history of mankind?

With teenagers, saying the right thing to them is more about what you don't say, than what you do say. As hard as it may be, it's important to give your teen space to explore his opinions, ideas and values, no matter how different they are from yours. Just as a two year old tests the physical limits you set ... touching the VCR for the third time after you've asked him not to, the teenager is testing mental and emotional limits. Are there ideas that are different from the ones you have? Will he be allowed to have his own opinion about something, no matter how outrageous that opinion might be?

Most importantly, will you still love him if his ideas are different?

The answers to these questions are provided indirectly when you either listen without judgement or refuse to listen (which includes judgmental listening).

A teenager who feels unconditionally loved ... no matter how outrageous his opinions ... is a teenager who feels safe at home. That feeling of safety will provide a foundation for the teenager to continually come back to as he begins to explore the adult world and all it holds. Ultimately, teenagers who feel accepted at home will choose the values of their parents as opposed to the values of their peers. If, however, a teen feels that the love his parents provide will only be doled out if he meets certain criteria, he will certainly turn to his peers who offer unconditional support.

One way to show unconditional love to your teen is by not getting sucked into the content of what she says...instead, listen for her feelings. For example, when your teen tells you that she's curious about drugs and might try them someday to "see what it's like", mute your alarms bells. Don't listen to the subject and begin to lecture her (yes, I know it's hard). Instead, reflect her feelings and ask questions which might help the teen explore the subject further.

For example, "What do you think the effects of drugs would be?"

This type of question not only keeps the lines of communication open, but also helps your teen ultimately explore the undesirable consequences to certain actions without actually "going through with it."

So if you show unconditional love to your teenager, does this mean that you should unconditionally accept any behavior he might exhibit?

Should you allow him to be rude to you, to break rules which you've set down about living together as a family (such as not smoking in the house), to throw his clothes and possessions all over with complete disregard for other family members?

Does unconditional love mean being permissive?

Heavens no!

Like children of other ages, teenagers need the limits you provide in order to feel safe. In this developmental period of emotional and physical turmoil, where the changes their bodies and minds are undergoing can be very scary, teens, like all children, need a safe haven. Your limits and rules provide that haven, provided you are consistent about enforcing them and communicate them clearly.

It is important, however, that you reexamine your rules to determine if they are appropriate for your child and to change them if they are not. There is nothing worse for a teenager than to feel as though they are being treated as a four year old.

1) Determine what the rules are, and if they are appropriate for your teenager's developmental level.

2) Sit down with your teen for the purpose of allowing her input into the rules she will have to follow in the house.

3) Go over the rules, and explain the reasons and feelings which caused you to set these rules.

4) Listen carefully when your teen explains her like or dislike of a particular rule. Try to understand her point of view before defending your own.

5) Be willing to allow some negotiation. Teens who feel they've had input into the rules and have been heard are more likely to feel responsible about carrying through on the rules.

6) Set up another time to meet again to reevaluate the rules. A month is usually an appropriate amount of time. While the reevaluation may not result in any changes, teens need to know that there will be another forum for their concerns and complaints in the future.

Showing respect for your teen's feelings and developing a non-judgmental attitude are your best tools. They smooth the rocky road of adolescence and ease the "terrible teens".

News & Views

West Ridge's Baseball Team Learns Valuable Lessons

High school athletics at West Ridge Academy is valuable in so many ways.

During this year's season our team learned many lessons both on and off the field. This is a great opportunity for us to incorporate sports and therapy together. Here at West Ridge we have a truly unique situation. When we start a new athletic season, very seldom do we ever get returning players from the pervious year so every season we get to start over.

We compete against other 1A teams that have played together for years and can build their program.

We picked our baseball team on July 30^th, had our first practice the next day and played our first game a week later. As you can imagine there was a lot of work to do with a brand new team, but we as a coaching staff could see a lot of promise within our new team and wanted to keep the expectations high. At each practice or game we could sit back and observe each player and be able to tell how they were doing individually in their program because it reflected in their actions and attitude on the field. At the beginning of the season one of our starters Sam was not coachable. He would talk back to the coaches and wanted to do things "his" way.

When he'd get up to bat he'd always swing for the fence, and would strike out with people in scoring position. He wanted to hit the home run instead of trying to just get a base hit and score those on base. During our third game of the season we were losing and Sam's body language showed that he'd given up and didn't care any more. He was our most athletic player, a senior and a leader on the team, our younger players started to follow him. Our fourth game was the turning point for Sam. We were losing again 8-0 and while the coaching staff was talking to the team, Sam walked off.

As one of the coaches approached him, he started to swear and yell at him, and then started to leave the dugout. He was then told if he left the dugout he could turn in his uniform and gear and he'd be done for the season. He stayed and sat down on the bench and was emotionless the rest of the game.With some reluctance we decided to start him in the next game.We pulled him aside and let him know that we were giving him another chance and that he needed to be a positive leader for his peers.We explained that a lot of the younger boys looked up to him and that he needed to think of what was best for the team and not just play to get glory for himself.

During that game Sam helped us win our second game of the season.His attitude was great and he seemed to process through a lot of negative actions from the game before.He wanted to prove to us that he was coachable and that he would do what was best for the team.That win was the first of nineteen straight wins.

During one of those wins Sam was the first player to hit a home run on a brand new baseball field and have everyone remember his name.During one of the games as he was going to the plate in the last inning, we pulled him to give a non-starter an at bat so he could get in the game.Sam smiled and told the other player to go get a hit, patted him on the back and cheered him on.He got a base hit and it was fun to watch Sam be excited for his team mate. We won our Region 17 championship with a 12-0 record.During the quarter finals of the state playoffs we were the home team and were down 3-2 in the bottom of the seventh inning.This was our last at bat.

We had the tying run on third base, and the winning run on second base.Sam was the next one up to bat.

While he was coming up to the plate, he looked at us coaches smiled and said, "I know, a base hit wins it." With a full count he hit a single between the outfielders, which scored both runs to win the game and advance to the semi-finals.

We went on to win the semi final game as well, but did not bring the state title home. In the championship game we lost to the reigning state champs the "Badgers" who were the number one ranked team in the state.We had four players make the All State team with Sam being one of them. Sam is very typical of the youth that we coach and teach at West Ridge Academy. He let himself trust and obey the authority of his coaches. He let it serve him in a positive manner and found success, and proved to himself that he could be a team player.

Coach Wayne Brock

West Ridge Academy

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Okay .. okay ... I keep getting asked .... so here is the story!

I started my own first business when I was 29. I started with educational consulting ten years ago. At times I have felt like a freak, and other times I have felt like a cowboy. But I love it.

I am my own boss. I wear jeans and flip-flops and pace around or go for walks as I think through tough client questions or sort relevant facts from irrelevant facts. If I have been up all night with insomnia, I go to work late in the morning. If I want to call my aunt during the day to talk for an hour, I do it. Working for myself all these years has been deeply satisfying and has given me self-esteem because I have worked hard and pushed through my fears. There is nothing that compares to that feeling. How did I get here? I started as a grief counselor. Being a very productive person I then worked hard at helping youth stay out of juvenile hall or youth authority boot camps. I do best when I work at a rhythm and in a manner that suits my personality, so from there I became a child rights advocate and assisted those on IEP's who struggled with learning challenges and those needing out of district placements for more severe behavioral problems.

Also, I am unconventional, so when I tried to fit into the educational consultant mode that was presented to me, it wasn't for me. Actually that mold sucked the life force from me. But I knew I would be a great educational consultant. So I started Horizon Family Solutions. I specialize in at-risk youth, and those that also don't fit the mold. At least 50 percent of my practice is working with youth who are suffering from depression, have legal issues, may be diagnosed with PTSD or RAD or have struggled with sexual behavior issues. I am never bored. Over the years I have proven to myself that I am very capable at what I do, and my hours and workstyle fit comfortably with who I am.

My goal is to continue to be emotionally and intellectually challenged and satisfied. I hope this tells you all the story you have been asking to hear.

Now .. for all those who call me and ask how you may also start your own educational consulting practice I have a bit of advice:

Always err on the side of flexibility.
Create a thorough budget plan before starting up your business.
Families and their child's needs are complicated, knowing what to do for each individual child and family is simple (after you have visited more than 100 programs - so plan on a lot of traveling); families with at risk kids can have their problems solved with a methodical analysis of the situation.

I look forward to seeing many of you again in 2008, and meeting many more of you for the very first time.

Best wishes,